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I wouldn’t be depressed in the first place if people weren’t mean, rude and fake

T

Teresa din

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Joined
Mar 25, 2018
Messages
2
I wouldn’t be depressed in the first place if people weren’t mean, rude and fake

Hi everyone I’m new here but I’m not new to having depression and anxiety. my issues with depression started, I guess in my teens which is about 30 years ago now. There were times when I use medications and they seem to work I’ve also done some psychotherapy which of course is very expensive and was hard to find someone who is actually good. The man that I did like as a psychotherapist was a very kind man and of course he retired months after I started seeing him.
I’m in the stage of my life I’m going through peri menopause. I’m not sure if this is also affecting my depression but I guess it is is I feel like I’m having a relapse of sorts. I’m a nice person and really go out of my way to make sure I’m kind to people and not hurt their feelings. sometimes I may be too nice but I’ve learned to get better at this and not let people step all over me. Not sure if anyone else agrees with me, I’d love to hear some opinions but I feel like if people weren’t jerks to me in the first place I wouldn’t be depressed. It’s that simple. It’s been my experience that people are rude to me or mean to me when I’ve done absolutely nothing to them. I always question their motives and I guess a lot of the times it’s just because maybe they make themselves feel better by making other people feel like crap. Maybe they have their own issues etc. I don’t really know. What I’m trying to say is no matter how much progress I make with my depression and bettering myself, people are not going to change I feel like I live in a world where I just can’t and will never be able to cope. Some people say I’m too sensitive I guess I am but I think people should worry more about the fact that they’re being jerks and the fact that I’m sensitive.
 
frogsplash

frogsplash

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Dec 30, 2017
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235
hi Teresa i can relate and am amongst the ranks of people out there who tend to be more sensitive to things and people more than others

There are a number of people where i work who i find like you do; i really dont like and they dont seem to care about the feelings of others and are happy to take their bad mood out on anyone, deserving or not

one thing i read about and have been practicing, is to try to stop 'outsourcing my happiness' - that is, to not let others determine what sort of day i am going to have or what mood i am to be put in. of course this isn't always easy to do, especially at the start, but with practice you will find that slowly you can stay 'neutral' to the crap going on around you

personally i find that as long as i at least have some people who i get on with and like around me, that's ok. the others with their ego's and their issues can do what they like. what they do and how they act doesnt have to mean anything. it's up to us how much power we want to give them. try to remind yourself that whatever they spurt out are only words and just remind yourself that if they want to act like worthless losers, then worthless losers is what they are. perhaps that's a little cruel, but well, they started this, not us, didn't they?

all said and done though, if i was eg. working at a job somewhere where i really did not get on or like anyone, i wouldnt stick around. sure it's not much fun looking for a new job, but being at a job or somewhere where you really dont want to be is hardly a better deal anyway

a book i found helpful to read which gives insights into people and behaviour and so on, is a book called 'a new earth' by eckhart tolle. perhaps have a read of that if you have not read it? i found it helpful because it talks about people's ego's and the barriers they put up, which in the long run doesnt do them any good (they are usually miserable or angry etc), and the best thing to do is stay true to yourself, and if people dont like you or try to take advantage of you, dont overreact, overthink or become self critical, but instead realise they just have their own issues, and if it does get to the point where you need to react to them, just do it in a calm sensible and mature way. personally i kind of have a good intimidating way of looking at someone if they go too far, and a smile which says.. "well, look at you." i will be chatty and friendly to the 'right' kind of people (kind friendly people who care about others feelings), and formal and 'at an arms length' with the people who think they are 'better' than everyone else, or are rude, insensitive, etc

wishing you all the best Teresa :)
 
T

Teresa din

New member
Joined
Mar 25, 2018
Messages
2
Hi May, thanks for the welcome :)
Frog splash, thank you for the reply. It was very insightful, and hearing about people with similar issues really helps. I actually did read that book about 10 years ago and I really did like it thanks for reminding me about it maybe I’ll reread it. I like what you said about not outsourcing my happiness that makes a lot of sense.
 
M

Mary26

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Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
291
Location
USA
Do the people who mistreat you mistreat everyone? Is there anyone who they don't mistreat? And if they do, and you find yourself surrounded by unkind people in your life, why? This is what I always ask myself in any adverse situation. Why am I in this situation and what do I need to learn from it? I suspect that when you learn whatever you need to from this, you will no longer attract people like this.
My issue is the opposite. I am inclined to step all over people's boundaries. So guess what the universe manifested for me? A career where the training was all about learning to respect people's boundaries. lol
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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12,752
Location
Europe
I found it useful to make an effort to have the right kind of people in my life. Yes, some people are mean, rude and fake, but not all of them. I’ve had some good luck finding friends among people who do courses, like pottery or wine-tasting. I often get on well with artists, who tend to focus more on their art than on how people perceive them. And spiritual people I can connect with too, as a category, because often they’ve done the work on developing themselves. But I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule, you can find people to connect with in the strangest places.
 
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