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I worry that I won’t find a partner

C

Cookiebird

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My boyfriend recently split up with me who I really believed was going to be in my future. It’s hit me really hard even though we weren’t together that long and I’ve spiralled into a depression. I’m 32 years old tomorrow and I worry that I’ll never find a man who doesn’t have children and who hasn’t been married to settle down with. It may sound harsh but I don’t want a man who has had children in a previous relationship. Am I being realistic for having this worry?
 
hicks

hicks

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You're not being unrealistic. I met my wife at about your age. She was a little younger. Neither of us had been married, or had kids before.
 
C

Cookiebird

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You're not being unrealistic. I met my wife at about your age. She was a little younger. Neither of us had been married, or had kids before.
Thanks Hicks! That’s nice to hear! I’ve just been a mess recently and I’ve had all sorts going through my head!
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Cookie, you're a spring chicken :D Loads of single men out there without ties - we're all doing things later in life in today's society - it's more unusual for folk to marry in their twenties.

Stick to your guns and don't compromise - he's out there! x
 
V

Vulcan Spock

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It is not unrealistic I don't think. There are many people in their 30's who have never been married or have kids. In fact I read an article recently that said more and more people are putting off marriage and family etc longer than in past generations...

I am in my 50's and never been married or had kids. I used to want that when I was younger but to be honest, the issues I deal with precluded this as a realistic possibility. Now I am so set in my ways I would definitely not want to be married.

I would probably just say search for what you want and you will probably eventually find it. The only people I know who never settled down but wanted to are those with really unrealistic expectations in others or someone like myself where it just is not a viable option. I knew a lady from group therapy years ago. She always was upset about not settling down but she always declined opportunity after opportunity over relatively small things. She was too picky and wanted someone with brown hair, or a lot of money etc or lived in this or that area or etc etc...People in the group gave her friendly feedback that she is never going to meet up because she wanted perfection and was too picky about everything..and sure enough she never met up...Not saying this related to you but just giving examples. I think the moral of the story is, you shouldn't settle for something out of desperation but there is a point where you have to be realistic...if you demand too much you might have trouble finding it.
 
C

Cookiebird

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Cookie, you're a spring chicken :D Loads of single men out there without ties - we're all doing things later in life in today's society - it's more unusual for folk to marry in their twenties.

Stick to your guns and don't compromise - he's out there! x
That’s very true! Thank you for your words :)
 
C

Cookiebird

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It is not unrealistic I don't think. There are many people in their 30's who have never been married or have kids. In fact I read an article recently that said more and more people are putting off marriage and family etc longer than in past generations...

I am in my 50's and never been married or had kids. I used to want that when I was younger but to be honest, the issues I deal with precluded this as a realistic possibility. Now I am so set in my ways I would definitely not want to be married.

I would probably just say search for what you want and you will probably eventually find it. The only people I know who never settled down but wanted to are those with really unrealistic expectations in others or someone like myself where it just is not a viable option. I knew a lady from group therapy years ago. She always was upset about not settling down but she always declined opportunity after opportunity over relatively small things. She was too picky and wanted someone with brown hair, or a lot of money etc or lived in this or that area or etc etc...People in the group gave her friendly feedback that she is never going to meet up because she wanted perfection and was too picky about everything..and sure enough she never met up...Not saying this related to you but just giving examples. I think the moral of the story is, you shouldn't settle for something out of desperation but there is a point where you have to be realistic...if you demand too much you might have trouble finding it.
Yes you’re right! Luckily I don’t have a check list. All I want is to find someone with that X factor! Perfection doesn’t exist! I guess I just need to be more positive. May I ask what issues you are dealing with?
 
Z

Zoe1

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im not even looking for ' the right man ' !
I dont think thats what my life is about

partners and children may or may not happen
I dont look for that
I look for friendships and for new hobbies, interests, passions
 
BrianHorlicks

BrianHorlicks

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I stopped looking,
And met my partner of 20 years,
20 years ago,
And we're still together.
 
V

Vulcan Spock

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Yeah I have heard that a lot -- people often find a match with someone when they aren't trying real hard to look. Kind of like the old saying, 'a watched pot never boils.'
 
L

littledogs

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My boyfriend recently split up with me who I really believed was going to be in my future. It’s hit me really hard even though we weren’t together that long and I’ve spiralled into a depression. I’m 32 years old tomorrow and I worry that I’ll never find a man who doesn’t have children and who hasn’t been married to settle down with. It may sound harsh but I don’t want a man who has had children in a previous relationship. Am I being realistic for having this worry?
I understand you.
I am 46 and haven't met a man who can put up with me without being abusive or taking advantage. I also wouldn't want a man with a previous family.. I don't like being around kids at all. So child free men with a decent income and able to put up with me is a big request.. I have a non serious partner. For the past three years... But I wish I had a bloke who I got on with.. .
 
5

5wimmer

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Sep 15, 2016
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I have just posted a similar thread and I am a man in my early 50's. I am currently not in a relationship, but have had 2 girlfriends in the past.

They asked me out, when I least expected it.
 
BrianHorlicks

BrianHorlicks

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I wasn't looking for a partner, in fact I'd given up, terrible with the opposite sex, in a sort of chat up line way,
Then i was in a sort of blind date,
And 20 years later,
We are still together as a couple.

@Swimmer.
Go for it, what have you got to lose!!
 
Z

Zoe1

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so many people say this
its the ' not looking for a partner thing '
look for friends and then a partner might shprpise you
 
5

5wimmer

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Although I haven't had a partner for about 20 years. Does that sound stupid/strange? The 2 girlfriends I have had both asked me out.

One was a friend who I knew in town, who moved away, got married, divorced and returned a few years later. We met at night school.

The other was a lady who was with my friends while they were shopping in town. She told them she fancied me, so they tipped her off that I was single.

You never know how you'll meet?

I knew a lady who was a copper, who met her husband while running after a shoplifter.....She knocked a passer by over by accident and that is how they got to know each other!
 
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