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I went through divorce and oh my god

I

iysh1711

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15 months ago I went through divorce. Me and him were married for 9 years together for ten. Love of my life. We have two children together. We both made mistakes in the marriage but at the end we drifted but we always loved each other. He got the wrong end of the stick with something and left. I got remarried 4 months later to someone he useto work with. He did not have an affair with her when we were married but worked together.

Anyway, I begged him to stay. He didn't. We've always been on friendly terms since the divorce him more than me because I got too emotional. As he was married he once told me he did miss me and that I still have that special place in his heart and always will. I got with someone else and found it was a rebound and that I still love my ex husband.

Since that guy left my ex hasn't spoken much etc but yesterday he came around and he hugged me numerous times and showed me some affection. I did hug him back and he said to me: I still care about you and I know u care about me too even tho we can't be together.

He always tells me he's happy. He says I'll find someone who I'll fall in love with again and that someone special. Prior to this...the last two months he's not reached out or anything been very quiet hardly seen the kids and I've really trying hard to be okay.

I'm losing my mind I've been crying all day not knowing do I wait for him or just be firm.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, I hope you find a way to be happy.
Here to listen anytime.
Hugs
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Former member
Hello and welcome to the forum. I can understand you still loving your ex husband. I think sharing children gives you a connection that will always be there. It is understandable for you both to still care for each other. I would take him saying you will meet somebody as a sign to move on. I understand it is so painful. Maybe you could give yourself some time. Time to overcome all that has happened and time to find out who you are and who you want to be with.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Tell him to stop hugging you. You need to distance yourself. Keep your contact with him about the kids only.
 
I

iysh1711

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Hello and welcome to the forum. I can understand you still loving your ex husband. I think sharing children gives you a connection that will always be there. It is understandable for you both to still care for each other. I would take him saying you will meet somebody as a sign to move on. I understand it is so painful. Maybe you could give yourself some time. Time to overcome all that has happened and time to find out who you are and who you want to be with.
He says I'll find someone hugs me and shows me care and affection out of the blue. Today he's been quiet again and it'll remain like that until one day he does come around and falls weak again but you're right it's very hard when kids are involved
 
I

iysh1711

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Tell him to stop hugging you. You need to distance yourself. Keep your contact with him about the kids only.
I have told him many times. He knows Im weak towards him at he left me that's why I guess
 
P

Purpleplum

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I have told him many times. He knows Im weak towards him at he left me that's why I guess
He's playing games...it gives him an ego boost. I would distance myself.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Former member
He really is not being fair on you. I agree with Purpleplum that you need to have some distance. He needs to be in your life as you have children but apart from that you do not need any other contact.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Divorce is very, very hard. I've been through it, it hurts you at the most basic level-the one person you trusted most intimately is dissing you.

I'm glad you and your ex are still civil, but I don't think he's helping you by continually showing up, hugging you and so on. Since he got remarried the option of you two reconciling and getting back together has pretty much gone by the wayside. His hugs at the same time he closed the door on reconciling are devoid of support, IMO.

I know it's not easy, I've been there. Fortunately neither my wife and I got remarried and were able to establish some degree of cooperation and communication. We just live separately today, which works for both of us for the most part. Not everyone was meant for marriage/continual togetherness.

I'd continue to stay civil and non-hostile to him, your children need to see both their parents acting maturely and getting along. But I wouldn't encourage him to stop over more than is necessary, that's too hard on you frankly. Kind of like pouring salt in the wounds-and wounds need time and care to heal. And since he got remarried, that has to hurt the children to some extent as a rejection of them-I know if my parents got divorced when I was that age and one or both of them got remarried it would hurt far more than just being divorced and separated.

I wish you luck in your healing.
 

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