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I was so stupid to tell my sister in law that i want to leave my husband

EarthChild

EarthChild

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
163
Location
Cape Town South Africa
I had posted on family whatsapp group that he’s in hospital and she phoned me and after I told her what happened with him, I confessed that I want to leave him.

This upset her so much - she said I can’t leave him

  • that he was there for me in my breakdowns and hospitalisations
  • that we’re made for each other
  • that we balance each other out hormonally
  • that he loves me deeply, even though he doesn’t tell me
  • that we’re the best thing that happened to each other
  • that I’m going to regret leaving him
  • that he needs me and I need him
  • that marriage isn’t easy - there will be sacrifice
  • that being single isn’t easy and I’ll be alone when I’m old
  • that his family don’t care about him except to give food
  • that he was very handsome when he was younger and the girls were queuing to see him or call him. When I asked why he didn’t get married sooner, she said one of the rejected girls could have put black magic curse on him (?!)
  • his siblings and mostly his brother probably jealous of him
    Etc etc…
She wants to even send me gifts from UK (where she lives) to get me to stay with him. So I was half forced to give her a list.

Oh God! She doesn’t understand it’s not his illness that I want to leave him for but his insidious negativity over the years that eroded me away. He’s a good and loving person but I feel depressed just thinking of how argumentative he can get and how I have to conform to his strict religious views. I can’t practice Islam in easy way around him. She said he loves me deeply but I just feel so suffocated.

If there’s one word to describe my marriage it’s this - claustrophobic

She doesn’t understand I need to look after my own mental health right now.

This isn’t about just taking a break, this is about making a break.

Wtf to do???
 
L

Lavendergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
161
Location
London
I had posted on family whatsapp group that he’s in hospital and she phoned me and after I told her what happened with him, I confessed that I want to leave him.

This upset her so much - she said I can’t leave him

  • that he was there for me in my breakdowns and hospitalisations
  • that we’re made for each other
  • that we balance each other out hormonally
  • that he loves me deeply, even though he doesn’t tell me
  • that we’re the best thing that happened to each other
  • that I’m going to regret leaving him
  • that he needs me and I need him
  • that marriage isn’t easy - there will be sacrifice
  • that being single isn’t easy and I’ll be alone when I’m old
  • that his family don’t care about him except to give food
  • that he was very handsome when he was younger and the girls were queuing to see him or call him. When I asked why he didn’t get married sooner, she said one of the rejected girls could have put black magic curse on him (?!)
  • his siblings and mostly his brother probably jealous of him
    Etc etc…
She wants to even send me gifts from UK (where she lives) to get me to stay with him. So I was half forced to give her a list.

Oh God! She doesn’t understand it’s not his illness that I want to leave him for but his insidious negativity over the years that eroded me away. He’s a good and loving person but I feel depressed just thinking of how argumentative he can get and how I have to conform to his strict religious views. I can’t practice Islam in easy way around him. She said he loves me deeply but I just feel so suffocated.

If there’s one word to describe my marriage it’s this - claustrophobic

She doesn’t understand I need to look after my own mental health right now.

This isn’t about just taking a break, this is about making a break.

Wtf to do???
Deep down you know it is the right thing for you to walk away.
It is normal for you to feel apprehensive and worried about what your sister thinks.
But you have tried and given your marriage every chance.
You only get one life.
It's time to have time for you.
Your sister feels concerned for you that's understandable.
Be clear with her you have thought your decision through and you are grateful for her thoughts.
She will accept this once she sees you moving forward in a positive way.
Good luck you can do this.
 
L

Lavendergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
161
Location
London
I had posted on family whatsapp group that he’s in hospital and she phoned me and after I told her what happened with him, I confessed that I want to leave him.

This upset her so much - she said I can’t leave him

  • that he was there for me in my breakdowns and hospitalisations
  • that we’re made for each other
  • that we balance each other out hormonally
  • that he loves me deeply, even though he doesn’t tell me
  • that we’re the best thing that happened to each other
  • that I’m going to regret leaving him
  • that he needs me and I need him
  • that marriage isn’t easy - there will be sacrifice
  • that being single isn’t easy and I’ll be alone when I’m old
  • that his family don’t care about him except to give food
  • that he was very handsome when he was younger and the girls were queuing to see him or call him. When I asked why he didn’t get married sooner, she said one of the rejected girls could have put black magic curse on him (?!)
  • his siblings and mostly his brother probably jealous of him
    Etc etc…
She wants to even send me gifts from UK (where she lives) to get me to stay with him. So I was half forced to give her a list.

Oh God! She doesn’t understand it’s not his illness that I want to leave him for but his insidious negativity over the years that eroded me away. He’s a good and loving person but I feel depressed just thinking of how argumentative he can get and how I have to conform to his strict religious views. I can’t practice Islam in easy way around him. She said he loves me deeply but I just feel so suffocated.

If there’s one word to describe my marriage it’s this - claustrophobic

She doesn’t understand I need to look after my own mental health right now.

This isn’t about just taking a break, this is about making a break.

Wtf to do???
Deep down you know it is the right thing for you to walk away.
It is normal for you to feel apprehensive and worried about what your sister thinks.
But you have tried and given your marriage every chance.
You only get one life.
It's time to have time for you.
Your sister feels concerned for you that's understandable.
Be clear with her you have thought your decision through and you are grateful for her thoughts.
She will accept this once she sees you moving forward in a positive way.
Good luck you can do this.
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
909
I had posted on family whatsapp group that he’s in hospital and she phoned me and after I told her what happened with him, I confessed that I want to leave him.

This upset her so much - she said I can’t leave him

  • that he was there for me in my breakdowns and hospitalisations
  • that we’re made for each other
  • that we balance each other out hormonally
  • that he loves me deeply, even though he doesn’t tell me
  • that we’re the best thing that happened to each other
  • that I’m going to regret leaving him
  • that he needs me and I need him
  • that marriage isn’t easy - there will be sacrifice
  • that being single isn’t easy and I’ll be alone when I’m old
  • that his family don’t care about him except to give food
  • that he was very handsome when he was younger and the girls were queuing to see him or call him. When I asked why he didn’t get married sooner, she said one of the rejected girls could have put black magic curse on him (?!)
  • his siblings and mostly his brother probably jealous of him
    Etc etc…
She wants to even send me gifts from UK (where she lives) to get me to stay with him. So I was half forced to give her a list.

Oh God! She doesn’t understand it’s not his illness that I want to leave him for but his insidious negativity over the years that eroded me away. He’s a good and loving person but I feel depressed just thinking of how argumentative he can get and how I have to conform to his strict religious views. I can’t practice Islam in easy way around him. She said he loves me deeply but I just feel so suffocated.

If there’s one word to describe my marriage it’s this - claustrophobic

She doesn’t understand I need to look after my own mental health right now.

This isn’t about just taking a break, this is about making a break.

Wtf to do???
hello!

She needs to stay out of it, it’s between you and your husband. Also it’s your life so if you feel it’s not working and you don’t want to be with him anymore that’s your decision and she should respect it.

also that list she provided is so manipulative, she’s trying to guilt you into staying with her brother, I can respect that she doesn’t want her brother to be hurt but she’s doing it at your expense. Saying things like you’ll be alone when your old is horrible to say and she doesn’t know that, you could find the love of your life next week!

hope you find happiness ❤🌈🤗
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,123
Location
nowhere
Only the people in the relationship know what goes on behind closed doors. Your sister in law is seeing it from the outside. She may also be considering the impact it will have on her brother...and on her without you around. She may think it would put a lot of stress on her. Everyone looks at it in their own perspective. You need to do what is the right thing for you for the way you see it.
 
EarthChild

EarthChild

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
163
Location
Cape Town South Africa
Only the people in the relationship know what goes on behind closed doors.
True! She has no idea what I had to put up with. She didn't catch him for eight years when he had a seizure, she didn't have to drive him places for eight years (most of which she wouldn't want to go to), she didn't have to listen to him criticise everyone for eight years, and she didn't get into countless arguments with him over eight years.

So yes, she has no idea.
 
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