I was sexually assaulted then years later the abuser developed Dementia

A

Alexandra

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#1
I was sexually assaulted then years later the abuser developed Dementia

I was sexually assaulted by my fathers friend when we were both visiting his house.He lived with his wife and the assault took place when my father went out of the room to help his wife with something. A (this was my fathers friends name) touched my crotch area and rubbed it in a lingering fashion then pinched my backside. I was only ten and had recently been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. He and his wife knew this.
About thirteen years later A developed Dementia but continued to live at home. Shortly before he died he had became aggressive and was frequently forgetting people and his wife made the decision to put him into a home. He then fell out of bed breaking his hip and ended up in hospital. He then died as he forgot to swallow which i have read is a normal part of the progression of the disease.
My Father unaware he had sexually assaulted me when i was a little girl continued to visit him at home and then in the care home and when he ended up in the hospital despite his late stage dementia. Seemingly at times he forgot who my father was. After his death he went to my abusers funeral and continued to see and support his wife. This was painful for me as his dementia had bought it all back. I had sort of put it to the back of my mind. When he died i told my parents what he did. It is all to late now.
I hope he suffered. I do not say this lightly and don't like the idea of people suffering and would not say so if someone had called me a name, was arrogant or rude or we had a petty squabble ect and became ill or came upon misfortune.This is something if feel strongly about though.I despise A.I felt ill when my mother told me Dad was seeing him again as he hadn't done when i was in my late teens.It all bought it back and the pain and memories wont go away
 
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A

Alexandra

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#2
The title should read 'I was sexually assaulted and years later the abuser developed dementia' I do not have dementia!
 
calypso

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#3
You are not harming anyone by being angry and its natural. Do you think you could tell your dad now? I think you could be helped with some counselling or do you feel you are coping OK? Abuse is abuse so don't feel upset at your anger.
 
Mayflower7

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#4
Hi,
Your anger is totally normal, it wasn't your fault. There are support groups for abuse survivors, counselling would really help. Don't punish yourself by being angry, you will heal it just takes time.
Being believed is important, I believe you and it seems your family do.
I hope you can come to terms with this terrible trauma.
Take care
 
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Alexandra

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I have told my Father and Mother who are married but i did told them separately. I live away from home but still see them I see my Father once a week when he comes down for lunch which is pleasant and my Mother every few weeks. We all have a OK relationship.They believed me and my father was shocked and he said it kept him awake at night.'I though i knew Alan' he kept saying.He has gotten rid of some art books Alan's widow gave him that Alan would have wanted him to have as he said 'i don't want anything connected with him after what you said'He also has seemingly stopped communication with his widow.Its all finished in that respect.
 
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calypso

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#6
I am pleased you were believed. The widow probably didn't know about her husband, they keep such things from their wives. You will heal in time, just keep talking to people who can listen and support you.
 
A

Alexandra

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#7
Lol someone called 'Pepecat' has trolled my post!Censor me all you like!!I WILL speak the truth:p
 
calypso

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#8
I don't know what you mean - on another thread? She is admin like me.
 
C

cyber

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#9
Abusers come in all shapes and sizes, some spend years doing it while others do it once and regret with deep shame.
The thing is it was'nt your fault, I think that's important to understand and work through especially internally.
 
pepecat

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#11
Lol someone called 'Pepecat' has trolled my post!Censor me all you like!!I WILL speak the truth:p
I changed the title of the thread - as you asked - because it looked like you'd developed dementia and not the person who hurt you.
I also took out the name of the person and left the initial instead, as we don't allow naming of people on the forum, for both your and their safety.
That was it.
 
U

ups downs & inside out

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#12
Well I would say that one law in life is "what 'you' send out, will always returns back" so what that person did to you, had a return by having Dementia.
 
When In Rome

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#13
I changed the title of the thread - as you asked - because it looked like you'd developed dementia and not the person who hurt you.
I also took out the name of the person and left the initial instead, as we don't allow naming of people on the forum, for both your and their safety.
That was it.
Crikey. No wonder their account is closed. Sometimes I read stuff like this and wonder if it'a all just a bit of AS.