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I was mentally abused by a classmate *TRIGGER WARNING* *SUICIDICAL THOUGHTS IS MENTIONED*

Sloshiceangel

Sloshiceangel

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Apr 3, 2021
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Location
Denmark
I don’t know actually if i just were bullied or if i actually was mentally abused, but i feel like i were.

So it all began when i was in 7th grade.
I was 14 at that time, and i were moved to an another classroom(cause that school department i went to was for children and teenagers with autism). And it was great at first, i mean it wasn’t the best classroom because i didn’t had any friends there.. Expect for two(i won’t mention their real names) Terry and Alex. Terry was my best friend, and Alex? Yeah he was my best platonic friend at first, and it’s the terrible story is about and how i were teared down mentally.

So before 7th grade, far back to when i was 9-10 years old(i don’t remember exactly but the moment took place when i first hit puberty) Alex would hug me and kiss me all over my body and call me girlfriend. At that time i didn’t understood anything about setting boundaries and sex and relationships in general. I was very new into that.

But he stopped that in 7th grade, and we did had a great friendship. He was kind of weird and had his oddness, but i didn’t payed any attention to it.
Just to clarify right away that i also were aromantic/asexual at that timeeven though i didn’t knew i was until in my 20s, so i saw my relationship with Alex as nothing romantic but just a platonic friendship. But everything changed from a good platonic friendship to a living hell, a nightmare.

Alex had a bad temper, so if someone teased him or told him nothing he didn’t liked he would scream and shout at them or beat them.

Whenever i told him no, he would slam my table and scream sheisse(which means shit in german). I was so terrified and scared of him, and it became a daily routine for him that everyday he would do that if i told him no or just without telling him no(most of these days, he would do it without me telling him no). He also punched me one time, but fortunately this was the only one time he did that.

I became so stressed out, so scared, so anxious, and i was so mentally down that i also had suicidal thoughts(like never waking up or kill myself, i have never self harmed myself, cause i hate harming myself and hate blood).
I couldn’t say no to him anymore, so i pleased him instead(not sexually fortunately), cause i was afraid that he would scream at me again and say the word “sheisse”. The teachers did help me to say no, but i felt like that their help wasn’t good enough, they were so focused on me and Alex’s friendship that they thought it was rude of me to just say no to something he wanted to do.

He finally moved out from school in 9th grade, and i were finally relieved. It wasn’t really a good ending cause i still had no friends in school but i was free from him.

As told before i still don’t know if Alex really were mentally abusing me or if he just were bullying me. But thinking back i definitely believe that he was mentally abusing me, cause there were also one time were i hide in the bathroom in fear of if he would beat me up. He was also standing in front of the bathroom door where i was, fortunately the teachers were to prevent him from beating me up. He even told the teachers that i never should have been in the school and that i should leave, and there was even one day where i had a mental breakdown. I had many days off school cause i couldn’t take it anymore. that’s why i believe he was mentally abusing me.

But if my parents weren’t there for me, supported me or helped me or cared for me under these hellish moments, i wouldn’t have been here writing my story today. I’m so glad to have parents and siblings who care for me and not ignoring my feelings.

I’m doing great now and i can say no now, but i still have mental scars from back then. I have to trust a person fully before becoming best friends with him/her. I wouldn’t say that my past is the reason why i’m aromantic asexual(cause i was long time before it ever happened), and have my attraction for fictional characters, but it definitely has made my demiplatonic towards people. I’m very nervous around people i don’t know or have just met, and are very shy and socially awkward towards people. Maybe that’s the reason why i’m highly sensitive i don’t know.

I’m now 23 and don’t want to deal with those kind of people again.

So yeah this was my story, can anyone relate to my story?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
18,059
Location
Nowhere
hi Sloshi

im kind of feeling this one today
I had a lot of violence in my early life
and my neighbours have re-traumatised me
with the arguments they are having

I'm working on ' feeling the impact of the trauma '
I feel a bit like a trampoline
with the traumatic event making a huge impact on the surface
making me bounce around in my head

sitting with that feeling using helpful videos and posts
where I can feel other people supporting me
I'm feeling a little better for it

I hope you find something that works for you


:grouphug: 🕯
 
Schwarzen

Schwarzen

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Apr 5, 2021
Messages
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Nowhere in particular.
I don't think there's any meaningful difference between bullying and mental abuse. They are the same thing, at most it could be said that bullying can often be, but not always, on the lower scale of what mental abuse can be but it's abuse nonetheless.

And he does sound like quite the toxic and troublesome person but at the same time it seems you managed to avoid the worse of it.

But even then at such a young age and I imagine having certain issues since you attended such a school, then it's perfectly natural and understandable that the experience left you with a certain trauma and sometimes negative experiences that can be an unavoidable and even constructive part of life, as long as you don't allow that to dominate your life.

I have to trust a person fully before becoming best friends with him/her.
That's just a good idea in general, there's no reason to ever get close to someone unless they've proven themselves trustworthy.
 
Sloshiceangel

Sloshiceangel

Member
Joined
Apr 3, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Denmark
I don't think there's any meaningful difference between bullying and mental abuse. They are the same thing, at most it could be said that bullying can often be, but not always, on the lower scale of what mental abuse can be but it's abuse nonetheless.
Yeah that might be true then, i thought that bullying and mental abuse was two different thing.

And he does sound like quite the toxic and troublesome person but at the same time it seems you managed to avoid the worse of it.
He definitely was very toxic, he was constantly looking at me all the time, he would tell me to not bow my head down which i couldn’t, i was very uncomfortable and scared of him. I tried to avoid the worst of it, but i actually couldn’t.
 
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