I was invited to a bridal shower. I've been a wreck since I saw the invitation.

94duvillet

94duvillet

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Hey everyone. I have been dealing with my anxiety since middle school and recently it has become very debilitating. I haven't been able to hang out with anyone except my boyfriend without experiencing some anxiety. My boyfriend's best friend got engaged and we were invited to their engagement party and I could not attend. I just do not have the ability to go to such a function with so many people. I made up an excuse that my friend was in town and would not be able to go. I've been dreading attending the wedding. A wedding? A big wedding? No thank you. I cannot handle it. I keep trying to think of ways to avoid it but there is no backing out of that. My boyfriend is the best man. He would be so upset if I didn't go. Yesterday I recieved an invite in the mail for the bridal shower. It was addressed to just me. As it goes, bridal showers are usually just women. How am I expected to attend something like that without my safety blanket that is my boyfriend? I cannot do it. As soon as I saw the invite I physically felt sick. I got nauseous and started shouting NO NO NO and sobbing. I am TERRIFIED to attend this. My boyfriend is begging me to go. He says its embarassing that I bail out of everything we/I am invited too. I told him how I feel, how it physically makes me ill to think about going. He just does not understand. I've been crying all day thinking about this. How do I decline without insulting the bride? How do I hide? I want to not be a thought in these peoples minds. I don't want to be invited to these things. I don't want to be included. I wish I could tell them this. No one understands though. I don't know what to do. I feel very miserable and misunderstood. I am not trying to be rude. I am not trying to embarrass my boyfriend. But I physically cannot handle going to this event. Especially alone. I cannot do it.
 
HauntedWitch

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I feel for you. If you don't know the bride personally, maybe she won't be insulted if you declined the shower invitation. As a compromise, you could send a gift and card to both events. Explain that an illness prevents you from attending; you don't have to tell them about your anxiety issues.

Re. the bf, if you are very sure that you absolutely cannot do this, you are going to need a heart to heart with him about how bad your symptoms are. You might also want to see a pcp or therapist if your social anxiety is causing too much distress. Best of luck to you!
 
blacksmoke

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Now bridal shower’s is not actually the wedding proper and so I would see it as an extra event and therefore surely they don’t expect everyone to go to both!

And surely they don’t expect presents at both! Social anxiety sucks.

If you do decide to go to either or both just keep randomly circulating around and appear to making polite conversation. from the outside folk will just assume that you are socialising.

Play the game but with a twist is what I have to do. As you get older you care less about your self image but that doesn’t help you now!

Also folk normally want to talk mostly about themselves. And ask you stuff just enough to not look rude going on about their own stuff. Gee all this social etiquette bllks.
 
94duvillet

94duvillet

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And surely they don’t expect presents at both! Social anxiety sucks.
They sure do expect gifts at both! The bridal shower invitation came with a little slip that said no need to wrap the gifts, just leave them on the table when you walk in. That's another thing. These people have proper careers and are established. I only have an hourly job. I certainly don't make as much as they do. I cannot afford all these gifts. But that's just another topic.
 
blacksmoke

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it all sounds very mercenary what a joke they even tell you not to wrap them and just leave them on the table. sounds very crude and shallow and twice. as my dad used to say not pgymalion likely!

do they insist on a 'gift' then. its not enough if you turn up without. dont tell me they even ask you to contribute money towards their honeymoon.

it sounds like they most likely have a lot more than you could ever hope for and yet they seem more interested in the gift than the person. gee must be olde fashioned as to me that is so shallow.

when folk havent got two pennies to rub together then that is different. its not a right to ask/demand for a gift. gee that really sucks.
 
HauntedWitch

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Now bridal shower’s is not actually the wedding proper and so I would see it as an extra event and therefore surely they don’t expect everyone to go to both!And surely they don’t expect presents at both! Social anxiety sucks.
Believe it or not they did used to expect gifts at both events when I was young. What a hassle that is.

I remember my friend confessing to me what she thought of one bride in no uncertain terms -- no less than three bridal showers, and we were expected to give gifts at all of them.
 
toutatis

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@94duvillet

I think it would be okay if you replied by saying that you suffer terrible social anxiety and that you must respectfully decline the invitations. And if your boyfriend keeps pressuring you despite your self honesty, just tell him to shut up and that he should try to be more understanding. Because, you're right, social anxiety can be very debilitating. I have it as well, it's awful.

We must take care of ourselves.
 
sadpunchingbag

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have you got a update hope you are doing well x ?
 
94duvillet

94duvillet

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have you got a update hope you are doing well x ?
Thanks for the well wishes, I do appreciate it. ❤ The bridal shower isn't until the end of September. I haven't RSVP'D yet. I'm still up in there with what to do. I feel like I should say yes and go, but I know myself well enough that the day of the shower I'll be an anxious mess. So yeah. Still struggling with finding a polite way to decline this invite.
 
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