I want to relapse

Z

Zoe1

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well done for the clean days
I would also have difficulty hearing religious noise
over a prolonged period
is there any way you can put some music on yourself
using a phone or tablet or something ? tv ?

I id alot with your shares, the 50 % thing ,
being unable to concentrate when spoken to
I even feel a bit numb today, im on pain killers

I think if your husband is strong, stable and mature
you could ask him to sit down and listen to what you are going through
even ask him to read up on it or to seek advice
about how he might help you
he might welcome this idea

reason I like your writing so much
is that the emotions are very strong, very concentrated
like listening to heavy metal or rock

keep writing !

:loveshower::loveshower::loveshower:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Feel completely nothing at all..
I'm just in between his white walls Al day.
Looking at nothing, seeing nothing and feeling nothing..

The high sealing gives me rest. Like a can breath.. I feel save for some reason. Even when I didnt came out of bed the last few days..

Although it feels so perfect now.. I know what is next. I don't know when it will arrive but it's on his way.. calm before the storm.

Next days are going to be really rough.. I'm hoping that someone will be there when I need to.. but I think it's going to be me, myself and I again...

Don't feel like eating tonight.. so I skip that. Hope I will sleep okay.. hope my nightmares stay away tonight. I need my sleep to battle my fights in my head..
 
Z

Zoe1

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:bravo:

awesome writing !
can you show it to anyone you know in your personal life ?
maybe not
but it might help you to reach out to them

:hug5:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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:bravo:

awesome writing !
can you show it to anyone you know in your personal life ?
maybe not
but it might help you to reach out to them

:hug5:
Nope that's just the thing why I'm here... 🥺
 
Z

Zoe1

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k I wonder if there is more resources for you online
while you are away

e.g. Emotional Support

I have used their forum , but not their one to one support
they might have something for you
or some information where to get it

then I did a search and found this

Mental Health care in NL - XPAT.NL

I have not tried these resources

but I have had a struggle to find support in my country as well
I had to keep searching and searching
begging pleading for support sometimes

also you have a great husband
maybe he can help you to search

I dont know but if you keep looking
you might find someone who can talk on Skype

:love:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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k I wonder if there is more resources for you online
while you are away

e.g. Emotional Support

I have used their forum , but not their one to one support
they might have something for you
or some information where to get it

then I did a search and found this

Mental Health care in NL - XPAT.NL

I have not tried these resources

but I have had a struggle to find support in my country as well
I had to keep searching and searching
begging pleading for support sometimes

also you have a great husband
maybe he can help you to search

I dont know but if you keep looking
you might find someone who can talk on Skype

:love:
This morning I fall hard mentally. I just cryed in my husbands arms.. saying I don't want anything anymore.. he didnt know how to react.

He gave me a hug and then we did eat some breakfast. That's it..

Laying in bed know.. hope I be home soon. I miss my parents so much.. but when I come home I have to go to school. I already have anxiety attacks when I think about it.. so I don't want to go home but I do...

Idk how to fight my battle anymore.. because it turns against myself.. nothing I can do about it..
 
Z

Zoe1

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k well my family are like that
they care but they dont know how to help
probably the same with your husband

its something to hold onto that he loves you
and treats you well

maybe he needs more instruction
about how to help you

you're welcome, keep sharing !

:hug5:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Stayed again in bed today. Feel sick.. tomorrow we leave to lombock. I don't want to.. my anxiety is so high. My mind and body so tired.. I can't do this anymore..

I just want to go home. 😭
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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My body is turning against me..:cry:
I got blisters and irritation, my skin is super sensitive and I almost fainted in the bathroom because I lost to much weight the last 3 days..

How I'm a going to survive 2,5 weeks..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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My grandpa is losing his battle with cancer..
Its waiting until he passes away.. I have a feeling that tomorrow is the day..

I can't deal with this.. I don't want him to suffer.. I really dont.. but we are so far away.. J can't say goodbye to him anymore and it breaks my heart..


we had 2,5 weeks left of are vacation.. the ticket back will be €3000,- euro x2 because we did buy a ticket back when we left.. but I don't think we have a choice.. I hope we got the money for that..

I want to sh so bad.. I don't know how to controle myself anymore.. I can't do this..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Messages
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Location
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Did sleep real bad.. what doesnt make my depression better than it was. Slept the hole afternoon and still am very tired. My head hurts from crying yesterday.. it doesn't stop...

Feel so broken.. 😔
 
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