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I want to relapse

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
886
Location
Netherlands
You want everybody to notice. Everybody to see. The pain inside. Inside your mind.

You want them to understand. Understand how hard it is. How hard you are fighting with yourself.

But they don't see.. see that you get frustrated, angry and sad.

Why doesn't anybody care. Why doesn't anybody ask how I feel. Am I invisible?

No, You are here. We all see you but we don't see your pain because you never show. You hide your feelings with a smile.

When someone asks. How are you doing? You tell them your fine. So ask yourself again. Do they not understand or can't they understand?
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,465
Location
London
I write a lot but it doesn't help. It gives me only more ideas to do shit to myself and fantsy them in my mind.

I dream about it every night. The shit that I can do to myself to fuck myself up. I don't know what to do anymore..
Have you looked into seeing a psycholagist or going into a in patient facility working wonders for me
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,830
Location
Nowhere
really awesome writings Justafriend

maybe you can start a poetry thread
in the members gallery
for your lyrics

:loveshower::loveshower::loveshower:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,306
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
My day couldn't get worse.. I God banned from an other website.. without warning.

I never did something wrong... Now they shut me out on the only place right to this place where I can talk to people.. they don't give a shit about you.

Don't they think about the next thing what will happen if you ban someone from a save place.. it goes fk wrong man.. 😣😣😣

Need to ... Need to ...
some forums do that to people, even so-called "support forums" i speak from experience :sorry::hug:

please dont hurt yourself you dont deserve it :hug:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,306
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
My necklace that I got from my best friend 5 years ago broke... It was a necklace that reminded me to stay strong and stay alive. A promises I made 5 years ago..

It means so much to me.. I'm crying my eyes out..
Feel like hope is gone.. I know how stupid that sounds. Like no necklace is going to save you..
But it was my reminder that I do matter and don't need to do shit to myself.

It feels like a promise is broken.. idk why it hurts that much..
i am so sorry about your necklace :sorry::hug:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
886
Location
Netherlands
Yes
Have you looked into seeing a psycholagist or going into a in patient facility working wonders for me
Yes before my vacation I did get the call for my therapist.. only after that I didn't hear a thing.

I'm in Indonesia now so it doesn't matter but when I come home I look in to it!
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
886
Location
Netherlands
I wanted to go as @Lunar Lady put's it hoboing tonight, I really just wanted to take off and just disappear from everything for a while but it's not good for me, I don't sleep evry well at the best fo times and when I'm wandering I'll average two or three hoursa night every couple of days - a couple of day's of that and the hallucinations and paranoia will kick in. Instead I came on here and tried to help and support people and the feelins have passed. Like all thoughts and feelings if you leave them alone they will go on their merry way. Pm me if you need someone to talk to, I'll be around for a bit. If not PM me any time and If I'm around I'll get back to you. Here to listen.
Wat does that mean lunarlady?
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
886
Location
Netherlands
The night is dark and so are my thoughts.
I feels like I'm dead without the light. Lost without the warm feeling. Like no hope is left..

Alone in the dark. A place where inner demons try to tell you all the lies. A places without hope.. it will try to kill you. It feels like it makes sense.

Until the next sunrise arrives and you see light again. You feel the soft warm touch of the sun. The flower so beautiful. You feel like there is hope.

It takes only a few hours every night and day to make you feel worse or okay.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
886
Location
Netherlands
My day ended horrible yesterday.. I have again a bladder infection.. so much pain. My belly hurts so much.. the medication makes my head crazy and I need to throw up.. great start
 
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Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,830
Location
Nowhere
sorry about that
but maybe go back to doctor
see if the medication can be changed

lots of loves

:love::love::love::love::love:
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
886
Location
Netherlands
sorry about that, but maybe go back to doctor
see if the medication can be changed

lots of loves

:love::love::love::love::love:
I'm in Indonesia I can't ask my doctor. I live in the Netherlands. So that's kinda hard to do. (16 hour flight)
 
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