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I want to relapse

J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,577
Location
Florida
No Fears No Worries You will be okay tomorrow is a short time away. I am just sitting here ready to go to sleep this early 4pm. I know you just had a hard few days and I am so sorry. Wish I could have been there with you to tell you everything is going to be okay. Just know I am thinking of you. Death is seriously hard to deal with. So sorry about your lost. Hope you will be okay for the your internship. No Fears and No Worries Lots of love and hugs Jules
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
686
Location
Netherlands
Sort of survived the night..
Didn't do it but still feel the urge...
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
686
Location
Netherlands
Im done for today.. today was hard. The weather is so depressing and when there is no sun my depression is kicking balls..

I have no energie anymore feel restless and everything feels like hell..

I knew that j was coming home today. I thought around 8 but I just heard he will be back at 2 at night.. so I don't see him till tomorrow evening.. need to survive on my own this night..

I feel restless and stressed about it because I thought it was over..😔 did selfharm this morning and want to do it again..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
686
Location
Netherlands
I just wanted to draw my feelings. There are more make masks but I also did draw pretty heavy shelf harm so I cropt the image so I stay in line..

Still feel that fucking urge to do it again..
😤🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😤
 

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Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
686
Location
Netherlands
Fucked up again and I'm so angry about myself.
Wtf is wrong with me.. I try I really do!!

J is coming home in a few hours.. I need him so bad. I'm having a heavy b beathing heart.. my arm hurts and I'm feeling dizzy..

I just need him now :help: 😔 my head is freaking me out.. and I don't know how to calm myself down..

If it doesn't stop I will take a drink to calm myself down.. this isn't okay.. FK my life🤬
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
686
Location
Netherlands
Going home early because I'm so dizzy and my heart feels like it is going to explode..

A lot like a panic attack.. but idk why I'm not doing something stressfully..
Can't stand up because I will faint..

J is coming to pick me up because this is not save
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
686
Location
Netherlands
Today one of my teachers is coming to my internship to hear how it goes. Normally I wouldn't be nervous but the men that's responsible for me is sick so someone else is going to have the talk..

He doesn't know me well.. so I expect some shit to happen.. not looking forward to that..

Really stressed out...
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
686
Location
Netherlands
Today I was expelled from my internship. Because my internship supervisor is worried about me. My fatigue and dizziness.

I told them that I am depressed and now just very tired. Can't come back for an internship until Monday...

I feel really terrible. Shame on me...
 
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