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I want to relapse

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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I want to.. 🙄 it only hurts me so my head is , convincing me that it is okay..
 
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Z

Zoe1

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k Friend try not to
we are here listening to you
maybe post some music and do something nice for yourself
like painting or something

:hug5: 🌠 💜
 
Crow King

Crow King

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Aug 17, 2019
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It sounds fucking stupid. I know that don't judge me.. 23 days clean. Hate it so much..

Feel like I'm not down to earth at all. Feel like floating in space with no direction. Waiting to fall down or break down..

I feel fucking alone. Even when I'm with my loved ones.. I don't feel happy at all. It's not them it's me.

I feel like there is something wrong with me. Something I don't know..

Want to self harm so bad. But I don't have materials to do so.. 😔😣 feel like I should give up and just do it..
I don't know what you smoked/did/took, but to me it sounds like it's probably just a chemical problem and a normal part of the process. I don't know if you feel guilty for feeling that way with your family, but if you do then you shouldn't because it's not your fault. Drugs fuck with your brain chemicals, thus they could be leaving you feeling...depleted of that chemical when you quit. Depressed. Serotonin or dopamine.

I'll elaborate by using regular prescription drugs as an example. There is a rebound for patients who take Lithium for bipolar. If they stop taking the drug suddenly they will probably experience worse depressive episodes than what they had when they started. Likewise, when you're coming off of an antidepressant the same thing may happen.

The point I'm trying to make here is that it's going to take your brain some time to get back to its normal chemical production, and the only way through it is to just wait it out...but what I'm also trying to say is that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and this is temporary. Keep going through this and things will get better. Do not relapse, the more you do that the harder it's going to be to come back off of them. Just hang in there, stick with it, keep the progress you've made thus far, things will get better. You should consult your doctor to see if there are any medications to help relieve you from the depression while you wait it out.

Stay strong. Don't let the drugs defeat you. Remind yourself of why you wanted to come off of them. Don't let them steal and ruin your life.
 
Crow King

Crow King

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Messages
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Oh, and as for self harm....there are some alternatives....you can hold an ice cube in your hand, scream into a pillow, throw something soft that wont break or inflict damage at a wall, kill things in video games. I am not an addict myself, but my brother is a recovering addict and he told me that he asked himself what he used to do without the drugs. He used to play video games a lot, etc. So now he tries to do whatever he used to do before or other new fun things that keep his mind preoccupied.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I don't know what you smoked/did/took, but to me it sounds like it's probably just a chemical problem and a normal part of the process. I don't know if you feel guilty for feeling that way with your family, but if you do then you shouldn't because it's not your fault. Drugs fuck with your brain chemicals, thus they could be leaving you feeling...depleted of that chemical when you quit. Depressed. Serotonin or dopamine.

I'll elaborate by using regular prescription drugs as an example. There is a rebound for patients who take Lithium for bipolar. If they stop taking the drug suddenly they will probably experience worse depressive episodes than what they had when they started. Likewise, when you're coming off of an antidepressant the same thing may happen.

The point I'm trying to make here is that it's going to take your brain some time to get back to its normal chemical production, and the only way through it is to just wait it out...but what I'm also trying to say is that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and this is temporary. Keep going through this and things will get better. Do not relapse, the more you do that the harder it's going to be to come back off of them. Just hang in there, stick with it, keep the progress you've made thus far, things will get better. You should consult your doctor to see if there are any medications to help relieve you from the depression while you wait it out.

Stay strong. Don't let the drugs defeat you. Remind yourself of why you wanted to come off of them. Don't let them steal and ruin your life.
I never took drugs... Or medication for this..
My mind does that to it self. 🤫
 
Crow King

Crow King

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Oh, one last detail I forgot to mention. He's doing all the things he couldn't do before when he was on drugs because they consumed all of his money. So basically...he's taking that drug money and doing something better with it, investing it into things that make him happy.

I hope some of what I said helps.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
Oh, and as for self harm....there are some alternatives....you can hold an ice cube in your hand, scream into a pillow, throw something soft that wont break or inflict damage at a wall, kill things in video games. I am not an addict myself, but my brother is a recovering addict and he told me that he asked himself what he used to do without the drugs. He used to play video games a lot, etc. So now he tries to do whatever he used to do before or other new fun things that keep his mind preoccupied.
That's sweet of you. But it's something I don't mind doing.. I already have scars.. it's hard to understand I know. And I'm sorry.. I don't want to hurt or dispoint you in any way..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Messages
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Netherlands
I'm confused as hell. I don't know. What are you wanting to relapse on?
Don't feel bad I understand it is confusing.
I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable I didn't mean to..

It's going to be okay don't worry
 
Crow King

Crow King

Member
Joined
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Messages
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Location
USA
That's sweet of you. But it's something I don't mind doing.. I already have scars.. it's hard to understand I know. And I'm sorry.. I don't want to hurt or dispoint you in any way..
Nah, my left arm is all scarred up from self harm too. People stare or comment sometimes. I completely understand. But one thing that motivates me to stop is that I want to get a tattoo sleeve so people will stop staring or commenting on the scars. Some scars can be tattoo'd over. At a certain point though, it gets realllly really hard to come up with a tattoo for the scars that can actually be anything besides solid black because there's a chance the tattoo will blow out. So basically, the more I self harm, the more I reduce the chances of getting a tattoo I actually want. My options are already limited, I can't just get any tattoo. But that's why I'm getting tattoos in the first place, to help stop me from harming...I won't self harm through tattoos.

There are reasons not to self harm, you just have to look for them. In my case I created a reason based on the fact that aesthetics are important to me. That won't work for everyone, but maybe sharing something that has been helping me might inspire you to think of something that works for you, I don't know.
 
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Crow King

Crow King

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Joined
Aug 17, 2019
Messages
21
Location
USA
Shit...I had a moment, lol. It sounded like you were talking about relapsing with drugs, not self-mutilation. I didn't notice this was in the self harm forum even...I was directed here by some other page I was on, I wasn't perusing through the self harm forums or something. Usually when someone says they want to relapse they mean on drugs. Well...ignore what I said, I guess...lmao I typed it for nothing. Maybe some addict will find it and it will help them. Sorry for the mix up.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
Nah, my left arm is all scarred up from self harm too. People stare or comment sometimes. I completely understand. But one thing that motivates me to stop is that I want to get a tattoo sleeve so people will stop staring or commenting on the scars. Some scars can be tattoo'd over. At a certain point though, it gets realllly really hard to come up with a tattoo for the scars that can actually be anything besides solid black because there's a chance the tattoo will blow out. So basically, the more I cut, the more I reduce the chances of getting a tattoo I actually want. My options are already limited, I can't just get any tattoo. But that's why I'm getting tattoos in the first place, to help stop me from cutting...I won't cut through tattoos.

There are reasons not to cut, you just have to look for them. In my case I created a reason based on the fact that aesthetics are important to me. That won't work for everyone, but maybe sharing something that has been helping me might inspire you to think of something that works for you, I don't know.
I understand. I hope you get the beautiful tattoos.
I don't want a tattoo.. I stopped before I know I can do that but I don't want to fight myself anymore 🥺
 
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