I want to relapse

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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It sounds fucking stupid. I know that don't judge me.. 23 days clean. Hate it so much..

Feel like I'm not down to earth at all. Feel like floating in space with no direction. Waiting to fall down or break down..

I feel fucking alone. Even when I'm with my loved ones.. I don't feel happy at all. It's not them it's me.

I feel like there is something wrong with me. Something I don't know..

Want to self harm so bad. But I don't have materials to do so.. 😔😣 feel like I should give up and just do it..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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It doesn't help.. I feel worse than with sh.. I can't take any longer.. feel sick
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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There is something really wrong with me..
I'm scared ass shit.. because I don't feel im in controlle now... And some shit happend before..
 
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EstherRose94

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Take deep breaths and pay attention to the things you see hear and feel in the here and now.

Try a guided meditation from YouTube or download the headspace app.

I know that sounds silly but it will help you calm down from your panicked state.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Thanks but I just need to cry first.. than bang my head against the wall.. or sleep medications..

I will be fine.. nobody ever asked how I'm doing because no one fk cares.. everybody here doesn't even know me.. why would they care.. I am fucking all alone. My friends left me one by one..

I am going to lose it all. Because of myself..
I hate it.. I FUCKING HATE IT

😣😣😣😣😣
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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Thanks but I just need to cry first.. than bang my head against the wall.. or sleep medications..

I will be fine.. nobody ever asked how I'm doing because no one fk cares.. everybody here doesn't even know me.. why would they care.. I am fucking all alone. My friends left me one by one..

I am going to lose it all. Because of myself..
I hate it.. I FUCKING HATE IT

😣😣😣😣😣
Don't so harsh on yourself
You've been doing so well,
Keep ya head up
 
midnightphoenix

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Thanks but I just need to cry first.. than bang my head against the wall.. or sleep medications..

I will be fine.. nobody ever asked how I'm doing because no one fk cares.. everybody here doesn't even know me.. why would they care.. I am fucking all alone. My friends left me one by one..

I am going to lose it all. Because of myself..
I hate it.. I FUCKING HATE IT

😣😣😣😣😣
we all care about you here :hug:
 
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EstherRose94

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Crying can be good too sometimes. I hope you feel better soon
 
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Zoe1

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why would we care ?
because you are like us, it doesnt matter how far away
there is no distance on the internet

:loveshower::loveshower::loveshower:
 
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EstherRose94

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Plus we’ve been in that “no one cares” headspace also and we totally get it. Everyone on here wants the sense of community so it actually is genuinely there.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Thank you guys. Still have a big urge.. started fantasising it. I did dream about getting locket up because of it in a mental health home.. felt so at home..

I am not that worse so I can't go there.. but I really want to.. get therapy every day. I need that in my life..

I can't deal with the world. I'm better off being in therapy for the long run.

The list of getting a therapist is 1-2 years out of here. I hope I survive..
 
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Zoe1

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n yeah I think I have self harmed for that reason actually
it was not on my mind, but I think that was a reason
people are self harming because they cant get any help

I think after that I took to social media
not everyone would feel comfortable with this
but I went on youtube , speaking about my mental health there
and attracted alot of helpful responses actually
and it helped me to be actually talking not just writing

I am following this thread
we are all very concerned for you

:love::love::love::hug5:
 
Parayana

Parayana

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While I've never hurt myself the way a lot of self harmers doI have tried to OD many times, I used to use a lot of street drugs to control my emotions, I think addiction to self harm is like drug addiction you never know what you are going to feel in this world from one moment to the next and that is one feeling you can control. Please don't indulge, I'll be around for a while if you need someone to talk to.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Thanks for all the support. Just told my husband about my thoughts he is also worried I see it in his eyes. I feel so bad for him. I know I my mind that he wants to help but doesn't know how.

IDK why it sounds so pleasing to me to get
Locked up. That's not normal.. my head feels like cement right now. Heavy and to hard to carry.

I want to cry but I can't.. I feel like that's the trigger to lose my shit.. it is going very wrong if I do.

I thought about using drugs. Maybe like weed or something. But I read that when you are in a bad state of mind weed can do fucked up shit in you head. Like paranoia and staff.. so for now it's not a good thing I guess..

Want to feel nothing and at the same time everything.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Just keep talking, we're here to listen, sometimes just expressing the feelings can help.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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I wanted to go as @Lunar Lady put's it hoboing tonight, I really just wanted to take off and just disappear from everything for a while but it's not good for me, I don't sleep evry well at the best fo times and when I'm wandering I'll average two or three hoursa night every couple of days - a couple of day's of that and the hallucinations and paranoia will kick in. Instead I came on here and tried to help and support people and the feelins have passed. Like all thoughts and feelings if you leave them alone they will go on their merry way. Pm me if you need someone to talk to, I'll be around for a bit. If not PM me any time and If I'm around I'll get back to you. Here to listen.
 
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Zoe1

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your last post makes good song lyrics as well
if you put the sentences underneath each other

I went on social media talking about my struggle
and then I started making it into songs and poems

ive got over 4,000 followers now !

:hug5::loveshower::loveshower::loveshower:
 
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