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I want to relapse

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
666
Location
Netherlands
It sounds fucking stupid. I know that don't judge me.. 23 days clean. Hate it so much..

Feel like I'm not down to earth at all. Feel like floating in space with no direction. Waiting to fall down or break down..

I feel fucking alone. Even when I'm with my loved ones.. I don't feel happy at all. It's not them it's me.

I feel like there is something wrong with me. Something I don't know..

Want to self harm so bad. But I don't have materials to do so.. 😔😣 feel like I should give up and just do it..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
666
Location
Netherlands
It doesn't help.. I feel worse than with sh.. I can't take any longer.. feel sick
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
666
Location
Netherlands
There is something really wrong with me..
I'm scared ass shit.. because I don't feel im in controlle now... And some shit happend before..
 
E

EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,582
Location
USA
Take deep breaths and pay attention to the things you see hear and feel in the here and now.

Try a guided meditation from YouTube or download the headspace app.

I know that sounds silly but it will help you calm down from your panicked state.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
666
Location
Netherlands
Thanks but I just need to cry first.. than bang my head against the wall.. or sleep medications..

I will be fine.. nobody ever asked how I'm doing because no one fk cares.. everybody here doesn't even know me.. why would they care.. I am fucking all alone. My friends left me one by one..

I am going to lose it all. Because of myself..
I hate it.. I FUCKING HATE IT

😣😣😣😣😣
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 19, 2016
Messages
2,823
Thanks but I just need to cry first.. than bang my head against the wall.. or sleep medications..

I will be fine.. nobody ever asked how I'm doing because no one fk cares.. everybody here doesn't even know me.. why would they care.. I am fucking all alone. My friends left me one by one..

I am going to lose it all. Because of myself..
I hate it.. I FUCKING HATE IT

😣😣😣😣😣
Don't so harsh on yourself
You've been doing so well,
Keep ya head up
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,346
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Thanks but I just need to cry first.. than bang my head against the wall.. or sleep medications..

I will be fine.. nobody ever asked how I'm doing because no one fk cares.. everybody here doesn't even know me.. why would they care.. I am fucking all alone. My friends left me one by one..

I am going to lose it all. Because of myself..
I hate it.. I FUCKING HATE IT

😣😣😣😣😣
we all care about you here :hug:
 
E

EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,582
Location
USA
Crying can be good too sometimes. I hope you feel better soon
 
Z

Zoe1

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Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,200
Location
Nowhere
why would we care ?
because you are like us, it doesnt matter how far away
there is no distance on the internet

:loveshower::loveshower::loveshower:
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,582
Location
USA
Plus we’ve been in that “no one cares” headspace also and we totally get it. Everyone on here wants the sense of community so it actually is genuinely there.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
666
Location
Netherlands
Thank you guys. Still have a big urge.. started fantasising it. I did dream about getting locket up because of it in a mental health home.. felt so at home..

I am not that worse so I can't go there.. but I really want to.. get therapy every day. I need that in my life..

I can't deal with the world. I'm better off being in therapy for the long run.

The list of getting a therapist is 1-2 years out of here. I hope I survive..
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,200
Location
Nowhere
n yeah I think I have self harmed for that reason actually
it was not on my mind, but I think that was a reason
people are self harming because they cant get any help

I think after that I took to social media
not everyone would feel comfortable with this
but I went on youtube , speaking about my mental health there
and attracted alot of helpful responses actually
and it helped me to be actually talking not just writing

I am following this thread
we are all very concerned for you

:love::love::love::hug5:
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,388
While I've never hurt myself the way a lot of self harmers doI have tried to OD many times, I used to use a lot of street drugs to control my emotions, I think addiction to self harm is like drug addiction you never know what you are going to feel in this world from one moment to the next and that is one feeling you can control. Please don't indulge, I'll be around for a while if you need someone to talk to.
 
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