• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I Want To Kill Myself

H

Helena1

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,575
Location
UK
why is it cancelled?
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
She called and she is still sick. I didn't answer the phone because I saw it was her, and I knew she was calling to cancel and I couldn't handle talking to her. I'm supposed to call her back. She gave me her home phone, but I can't. She wants me to do neurotherapy with her colleague, but I can't. It went so badly when I did i with him before, and I know I'll just sit there and cry.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I can't do this anymore. I want to die. I thought I was getting better. She was helping me. But I am abandoned yet again. This keeps happening to me over and over and over again and I can't take it anymore. The only thing that is going to stop the pain is if I die.
 
H

Helena1

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,575
Location
UK
She is not abandoning you. She is ill. You say she is helping you so stick with it. You coped without her before you started therapy with her, you can manage a week more.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
But there is no guarantee she will be better next week. I've already been waiting and waiting. It's not fair. What if she doesn't get better? God must really hate me. He just keeps taking away everyone who is special to me.
 
pepecat

pepecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,915
Location
middle earth
Prairie - give her a call, chick. I know it'll be hard, but she's given you her home phone number; that's a sign if nothing else that she cares about you. My therapist would never do that!
She might be able to reassure you that she's not deliberately abandoning you, that she's still thinking of you and still cares about you.
It's amazing what these therapists can say in a phone call that calm us down. I rang mine twice in between sessions - once at christmas time and once at easter when we were having breaks and i was struggling. Both times she said enough to get me through until the next time I saw her. Ok it's not the same as seeing her face to face, but it's better than nothing, and it can help.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I'm supposed to call her but I am scared to. I feel so mixed up right now. I have missed my therapist so much, and I'm mad at her for cancelling again. I'm mad at her for being sick, but I feel bad for being so mad at her and I know if I call her she is going to know I am upset and I will feel guilty and manipulative if she changes her mind and decides to meet with me even though she's still sick. I don't want to do neurotherapy with her colleague because I know I will just sit there and cry and not be able to stop, and it will be a waste of time and money.
 
pepecat

pepecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,915
Location
middle earth
I imagine, if she knows you a bit and knows that attachment stuff is an issue for you and that you're attached to her, she'll kinda expect you to be upset. Well - maybe not 'expect', but she won't be surprised. She'll know her absence is triggering all sorts of stuff for you and that's maybe why she wants to talk to you.
My therapist cancelled on me twice and both times i got a call from her secretary saying she wasn't going to be there and she'd see me next week. Nothing else. Yours wants to talk to you about it - i bet she knows how hard this is for you.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I don't think she does know, because I haven't talked about it with her since summer, so she may think it's not an issue.
 
F

fair&square75

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 11, 2014
Messages
166
Location
England
Hi Prariechick, sorry you're feeling this way,it must be frustrating too...you try hang in there,I know that's easy for me to say because I don't live in your head and heart,but just one day at a time...imagine if you hurt yourself and.your therapist gets better,she would be devasted I dare bet,or perhaps she has a bad ladymoon (period) I know sometimes these can play havoc on peoples lives (me for one!) or even someone else might be poorly in her family?? See look at all these possibilities,we usually think we get the right idea about it when we're so down and vunerable but I've found that what the outcome is,is something I've never thought of! Pepecat gives great advice,keep chatting if you can,we have your back,and your therapist does too,believe me to do a job like that must form a little attachment for her also,and she gave you her home no too,that's caring for you very good xxx
 
pepecat

pepecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,915
Location
middle earth
I don't think she does know, because I haven't talked about it with her since summer, so she may think it's not an issue.
Ohhhhh...... I dunno....... therapists are wily so and so's. Mine had me figured out before i did.
You never know.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I'm scared she's going to think I am being difficult on purpose. I'm scared she's going to think I'm trying to manipulate her.
 
Top