I want to go home!

vanish

vanish

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Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
1,362
Location
The Land of Oz
#1
Hey folks, still stuck in the hospital. I don't fit in here at all as it is a private 'retreat' style hospital. The patients are all fairly stable and chatter away amongst themselves. They found out my diagnonsense and want nothing to do with me. I sit in my room alone most of the time. I tell you the most interesting book in their library is To Kill A Mockingbird (unless you like Mills & Boon) and so far I've read it cover to cover 3 times! It is so intensely boring. Therapy consists of lectures delivered via powerpoint on antidepressants and how to heal yourself through the power of positive thought. I wish! Yes there are those having TMS and ECT but you never seen them they are whisked away and brought back some hours later. I've been taken off antipsychotics and prescribed just Rexulti (anyone know anything about it?). I don't sleep, I don't eat and my room is a messy cave. I just want to go home to my wife, the dog and the cat.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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Joined
Jan 6, 2017
Messages
706
#2
I feel for you. After being in the hospital for awhile it can really start getting on your nerves. Do you feel like you are approaching a point that you would be released soon? A lot of people start to really itch to be released when they are improved. For me, one time I got so sick of being in the hospital that I started pretending that I was getting better. I did and said everything that I thought they wanted of me to lead them to believe that I was getting better. Strangely, by acting better, I actually got better, so now I wonder if it was the other way around. So finally after being there for 4 months and I thought I should be released, my doctor kept me there for another two weeks which was tormenting for me.
 
Passionflower

Passionflower

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Jul 15, 2011
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1,357
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UK
#3
Rexulti is an atypical anti psychotic, quite new so I haven't had any experience with it.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,126
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England
#4
Hi Vanish,
Hope you get discharged soon, sorry about the other patients ignoring you.
Get well soon.
Take care
 
vanish

vanish

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Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
1,362
Location
The Land of Oz
#5
I've told this new psychiatrist who seems very nice that I wish to be discharged no later than November 30. I have two concerts I've paid for that I would like to attend regardless if I am good, bad or indifferent. Seems silly and somewhat strange I know, but it gives me hope that I can be normal if attending concerts and the like. I have quite an eclectic taste in music. This Summer I am seeing Bon Jovi and then Kylie Minogue. Weird aren't I?
 
F

floydfan

Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2012
Messages
16
Location
Kent, UK
#8
I have been in and out of hospital more times than I can count since I was 16. I am now 53 and I am in hospital again for the fourth time this year alone. I have a long term diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder (depressive type) and have recently also been diagnosed with Aspergers. I always get admitted on a section as I hate hospital so much I can never agree to go voluntarily. Plus right now I do not believe I am I’ll at all. I have been here now for six weeks and at the moment there is no prospect of discharge. I am on a six month section. I had a tribunal hearing to appeal against my section but it was loaded against me with everyone saying I was paranoid and suffering psychosis. I hate windows and keep the curtains shut 24 hours a day in my hospital room just as I did at home before being admitted. I’m up half the night every night, telling staff there are people outside my window trying to get in. But they just won’t believe me because when I ask them to look as I feel so scared, the people have gone. I spend just about all my time day and night in my room alone as the Aspergers makes me very anxious of people around me and I’m not good at verbally communicating, only in writing. I’m on Mirtazapine and Clonazepam but absolutely refuse to take antipsychotics as I believe they are just poison and extremely dangerous drugs. Also when I’ve been on them in the past I have felt they have completely fogged my thoughts and blocked my emotions which I find hard to tolerate. Also I hate the weight gain. I have lost 4 and a half stone in the past year through taking myself off Quetiapine, and although at times this year I have been forced to have antipsychotic injections against my will, as soon as I leave hospital, I stop them immediately. The doctors won’t admit to the dangers of these drugs even though I’ve done so much internet research on them it has terrified me. So it looks like for the second Christmas running I am stuck in hospital again. I can’t express how much I hate the places, mainly due to abusive experiences in the old asylum type hospital in the 1980s. This hospital bears no comparison but I have been scarred for life by old hospital experiences and don’t trust doctors or anyone. I won’t eat the hospital food as I’m sure they are contaminating it with antipsychotics so I have to order takeaways to be delivered to the ward and I insist on receiving them wrapped and sealed exactly as delivered so I know the ward hasn’t tampered with them. Many other days I simply just don’t eat at all. I just want to get out thef here but I’m terrified of my house mainly due to the windows and the fear of people looking in and trying to get in. I keep the curtains at home shut all the time and feel frightened to be anywhere in the house except my bedroom which I feel is relatively safe.The doctors and staff are recommending supported housing for me but I’m not sure it would be right. I don’t believe I have schizoaffective disorder, I don’t believe I am depressed, I admit I am extremely unhappy, often suicidally unhappy but I am grieving the loss of my Mum 18 months ago and no antipsychotic will bring her back. They just won’t have it that I’m not ill so I don’t know how I’ll ever get out of here, I hate locked doors and feeling trapped. I wish I knew the answer because I’m just through with continued hospital admissions.
 
G

goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
257
#9
Do they have any puzzles, movies or books at the hospital ward?
 
F

floydfan

Member
Joined
Feb 28, 2012
Messages
16
Location
Kent, UK
#10
I’m in a panic now as the ward consultant is on leave and there is a temporary doctor. He told me yesterday he is ready to discharge me and I need to hurry up and make a decision on moving to supported housing. But I have been asking constantly for four weeks to speak to someone who knows about supported housing and I am still waiting and still asking. I am also waiting to speak to somebody who knows about mental health rehab but this is also taking so long. If the doctor discharges me before I get chance to discuss my options I am so afraid to return to my home, I will be left wandering the streets day and night as I have nowhere else to go, and my life would be quickly endangered once again, either accidentally or on purpose as I just wouldn’t know how to survive. I am so scared, I just don’t know what to do. I have been in touch with my care coordinator but her office is one hour away from the hospital so it is hard for her to find the time to come over to speak to me, she has only been my care coordinator for two months and I haven’t even met her yet so she doesn’t even know me and I don’t know her. I’m in such a panic.