I want to feel better... but I dont

[Steeeve]

Anyone ever feel this way? I want to be happy or even just satisfied, but every time an opportunity presents itself I find myself withdrawing even further from my life, digging myself an even deeper hole.

Sometimes I feel like I dont really want to be happy, I just want everyone to be as miserable as me. I dont even try to feel better, I just try to bring everyone down to my level. My friends dont even want to hang around me most of the time because of this. When I'm not in a depressed state they just assume I'm going to act like a prick, ignore me, and wind up starting the whole cycle again.

Any thoughts? This is by far the hardest part of depression for me to deal with. I can handle the lows, but the mere thought that I might actually enjoy being miserable is unbearable.

 

[TOONAFISH]

Steve I don't think you enjoy feeling like this, i think depression makes us doubt ourselves. I often wondered that, if I was keeping myself low so I would be punished etc. Its not true! And sometimes we are afraid to get better for the continual fear of having it all snatched away again. I believe you do want to and can feel good. x

 

[Jo1760]

Steve I don't think you enjoy feeling like this, i think depression makes us doubt ourselves. I often wondered that, if I was keeping myself low so I would be punished etc. Its not true! And sometimes we are afraid to get better for the continual fear of having it all snatched away again. I believe you do want to and can feel good. x

Steve, I complete understand where your coming from. I have the same thoughts in my head most of the time and as much as I hate myself for being like this and coming across in such a negative way, there are times when I really cant pick myself up and smile. Also when I do it's almost like i'm not smiling cos i'm happy it's just to please others and stop them thiking all i'm doing is being moody and down. If I had the option to be genuinely happy, i'd snap it up but its really just getting further from my reach.

Toonafish what a great quote in your last line. and so true also. Everyone who is dealing with this has different ways to cope, which others just cant understand.

 

[escape]

hey steve

i know exactly what you mean, im going thru the same thing,

when i am whith people i spend most of the time wishing i could be alone for a bit to think and then when i am, all i can think of is how much i hate it

as for my friends im not even sure i know who half of them are anymore coz its been so long since iv spent more than an hour with any of them, and i dont even think they notice, but it is good to talk and get things off your chest

 

[Twylight]

I suffer from depression now and then and I always thought it was my meds

I notice that I feel guilty, if i'm even slightly happy.