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I want to feel better... but I dont

Steeeve

Steeeve

Member
Joined
Nov 24, 2008
Messages
7
Location
Philadelphia
Anyone ever feel this way? I want to be happy or even just satisfied, but every time an opportunity presents itself I find myself withdrawing even further from my life, digging myself an even deeper hole.

Sometimes I feel like I dont really want to be happy, I just want everyone to be as miserable as me. I dont even try to feel better, I just try to bring everyone down to my level. My friends dont even want to hang around me most of the time because of this. When I'm not in a depressed state they just assume I'm going to act like a prick, ignore me, and wind up starting the whole cycle again.

Any thoughts? This is by far the hardest part of depression for me to deal with. I can handle the lows, but the mere thought that I might actually enjoy being miserable is unbearable.
 
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TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
Steve I don't think you enjoy feeling like this, i think depression makes us doubt ourselves. I often wondered that, if I was keeping myself low so I would be punished etc. Its not true! And sometimes we are afraid to get better for the continual fear of having it all snatched away again. I believe you do want to and can feel good. x
 
Jo1760

Jo1760

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,507
Location
London
Steve I don't think you enjoy feeling like this, i think depression makes us doubt ourselves. I often wondered that, if I was keeping myself low so I would be punished etc. Its not true! And sometimes we are afraid to get better for the continual fear of having it all snatched away again. I believe you do want to and can feel good. x
Steve, I complete understand where your coming from. I have the same thoughts in my head most of the time and as much as I hate myself for being like this and coming across in such a negative way, there are times when I really cant pick myself up and smile. Also when I do it's almost like i'm not smiling cos i'm happy it's just to please others and stop them thiking all i'm doing is being moody and down. If I had the option to be genuinely happy, i'd snap it up but its really just getting further from my reach.

Toonafish what a great quote in your last line. and so true also. Everyone who is dealing with this has different ways to cope, which others just cant understand.
 
escape

escape

Active member
Joined
Nov 29, 2008
Messages
32
Location
Scotland
hey steve

i know exactly what you mean, im going thru the same thing,

when i am whith people i spend most of the time wishing i could be alone for a bit to think and then when i am, all i can think of is how much i hate it

as for my friends im not even sure i know who half of them are anymore coz its been so long since iv spent more than an hour with any of them, and i dont even think they notice, but it is good to talk and get things off your chest
 
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Twylight

Guest
I suffer from depression now and then and I always thought it was my meds

I notice that I feel guilty, if i'm even slightly happy.
 
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