I want to cry

P

Phantimos

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Huddersfield, UK
#1
I am sitting here, all day on my ass watching sitcoms. Trying to fool myself i am ok. The occasional laugh distracting me for part of a second. As usual, i pretend i am ok. Deep down, i want to cry so much but its been so long i cant make it happen.
 
T

Tabby120

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2019
Messages
31
Location
Private
#3
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad.

Do you have a doctor? Don't pretend with your doctor, you can't get better if you pretend effectively enough that people don't realize what help you really need.
 
P

Phantimos

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Huddersfield, UK
#4
I am on Quetiapine 100mg. No i do not have a doctor. I do go to therapy once a week. it started okay but lately i have started to focus less and less on myself.
 
Z

ziedite

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 11, 2013
Messages
255
Location
UK
#5
Hi - btw I really liked your poem you wrote on an earlier post.

I agree with the others, you need to find a GP and perhaps another support person to work with. Its not something to handle all alone. Do you think you have the strength to set up a meeting with a GP at least to get your meds assessed?

Let us know what you need from the forum... we've been there. Take care.
 
P

Phantimos

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Huddersfield, UK
#6
Thanks for reading it. I thought it was too long for a full read. I know i have the strength to get over this, this isn't my first time. I'll blow through this like i always do and get back to my old smiley self.(which is me not being my full self again)

Question is how do i not get back to this again?
 
T

Tabby120

Active member
Joined
Feb 6, 2019
Messages
31
Location
Private
#7
Question is how do i not get back to this again?
My answer for myself was to accept that it will come back eventually, learn from experience and memory of past depressions and manias to recognize when my mood wasn't a normal blip and was actually the start of something bad, and then aggressively work with my doctor to get me stable again before the icky feeling beginning of a serious mood cycle turned into a bad one.

But I don't know if that is the answer that is best for you. It takes recognition, a strong faith in standard medical practices, a stubborn personality, an unwavering conviction that the brain is a physical organ and physical problems within are leading to cognitive impairment/mental illness, and an acceptance that I am sick and I will be sick for the rest of my life and that full remission is what I should attain, not pursue a cure and not live with it as a personality issue.