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I want to change careers: BPD symptom or genuine reasons to do so?

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Sixxari

New member
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Croatia
Lemme just say I have BPD, major depression, anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD and eating disorder.


I call my way of living "surviving thanks to inertia". I am pretty much surviving one hour after another, on autopilot, so I never really gave much thought to my career path etc.

I always went with what was available/what was expected. Not because I was forced, but because I have no particular dreams that I want to fullfil.

I ended up becoming teacher's assistant (working with 14yo kids) studying to be teacher. I started working a year ago. I am also studying remotely (uni, weekend classes).

After year of doing this, I am sick and tired. I don't feel like I want to do what I am doing. I get random urges to quit and go work some "easier" job - something where I am not put on the spot every minute, where I don't have to make hundreds of life altering decisions every day, where my social interactions won't matter that much.

My problem is that one BPD criteria:

- pattern of unstable relationships and unstable work life.

I know people with BPD often go from one job to another, always getting burned out, sick of it, craving change. What if that is my case? What if it's all just symptom of BPD and I would feel the same in my next job?

On the other hand, I genuinely feel like this sort of job is just not right for someone in my current mental state. It's goddamn exhausting to exist and to not kill myself. Add teaching to that mix? Logically thinking, it's disaster waiting to happen.

I have done zero school work this year. I am basically autopiloting my job. And all I think about while being there is that I am just tired and want to leave.

I'd like to go into translating; administration, state employee, something like that. Maybe even working in factory (physical, tiring, repetitive work sounds nice). I don't have specific plan.

I know I would dissapoint a lot of people if I gave up on teaching and also left school, so I need to seriously think it through and make sure it's not just my BPD playing nasty tricks on me. On the other hand, I am only 22. If I really want to change my career path, it's now or never.

What do you think?
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,914
. If I really want to change my career path, it's now or never.

What do you think?
It's really not now or never if you want to change your job, you're 22! You're literally a little fledgling. It's perfectly viable for people to make certain career changes in their thirties, forties, or even later. Some folk really do embody the 'you're never too old to do something' philosophy very well, I digress.

It is not always the best thing to start late, depending on the field. Certain fields it can be difficult to get into at an older age, but there's others that are entirely viable, so, as such, things are more flexible than you would expect.

What makes you think that the fields you have identified (translating; administration, state employee) would be less socially demanding? Generally most jobs have some level of social interaction. They all may be worth exploring though.

What exactly are you studying at uni?

Also I might add that sometimes one's brain (particularly bpd brain) can fool them into thinking that a different job would change things. That's certainly true, a different job will be different. But it may be that the actual problem is something else. For you, it sounds like mindset/mental health issues over taking you: exhaustion, suicidal ideation. I wonder if you are doing any DBT therapy or any similar therapy. This is the kind of thing that would get to the roots of these issues, whereas a career change is unlikely to be a magical cure in itself.

Having said that, I think you've rightly identified yourself as being 'on autopilot'. At some stage a person has to consider what they want to be doing (for the next five years or so at least) and stick to it. I do agree that for BPD, it can be really unhelpful to chop and change a lot, because ultimately BPD needs some kind of stability, a life that has some direction and meaning. Sometimes that meaning isn't going to be profound, it might just be having a job that allows you to feel less exhausted than you do/ create a path that feels worth living for you - bread on the table etc.
 
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