- May 14, 2008
- UK Lancing
Recently started a new job. Argued with girlfriend, smashed a mirror and used the ends to cut into my arm, felt a bit of release. Mum came home hours before, cried infront of her without control. All actions are the actions of someone else, not me, I can't control it. I have comfort in the fact perhaps after purgatory, there is nothingness. No more sickness, no more misery, no more hurting people. Docotors have signed me for CBT or something, about changing the patterns of depression. I'm scared it might not work, recently my energy levels have dropped and I can barely raise a smile to a work friend. I think my apathy might stain the progress they expect. I know I have a girlfriend to turn to and I shouldn't burden strangers, but I feel I have no-one to talk to. girlfriend and my friends have been treating me differently, I just want to be myself again in their eyes. Not this mess of a man. I think sometimes, I just shouldn't be here anymore. I could save so much misery and suffering with one swift shot of the two. I want to sleep. Please, please talk to me.