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I waited too long and now I'm heartbroken

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SicklyBloom

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So, there's this childhood classmate I ran into back in 2018. I have since seen him but never had the chance to confess that I wanted to reconnect and hang out sometime. He works at our grocery store, so he talks to my parents quite frequently. Since at the time it was quarantine (today's our state's final day of it), my father thought he'd do me a favor and give him my phone number (big mistake!) He did this on Sunday and I was excited to talk to him. I wanted to get to know him as a friend because I don't develop feelings until I've known them for a while, so I saw no harm in what was happening, neither did my parents. Monday came and went. Then on Tuesday night my dad came back from running an errand and said that he had a girlfriend and she found my number. My dad continued on saying that he told his girlfriend I was a "childhood classmate" and that he didn't know me personally. I can understand from her perspective but on the same note, I still felt cheated because I waited too long. Now, I don't know what will come of it since I didn't ask my father to do it, he did it to make me happy. I have been depressed and in need of some company, so you know what it's like to have parents who want to see you smile again. It actually kind of broke my heart and now I don't know what to do. I just keep thinking how happy he must already be and maybe I'm better off without him. All I know is that I wish I would've reached out sooner because now I feel like I'm intruding on someone else's relationship, despite it only being friendship.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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He kept your number didn't he? Some might say it was careless of him to have left it where he did... Look on the bright side, he knows you have a interest (I don't know if he knows at what level though). He didn't throw your number away. If fate is meant to be, it's meant to be. In the mean time it wouldn't hurt to say "hello" as a friend :)
 
am31901

am31901

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your feelings are valid and you're 100% not intruding- it's not like you knew or had any ill intentions going in. it'll be okay. <3
 
S

SicklyBloom

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He kept your number didn't he? Some might say it was careless of him to have left it where he did... Look on the bright side, he knows you have a interest (I don't know if he knows at what level though). He didn't throw your number away. If fate is meant to be, it's meant to be. In the mean time it wouldn't hurt to say "hello" as a friend :)
That's true, I'll just acknowledge him and hopefully get a second chance. I do find him cute and would say he has potential, but it won't necessarily happen until I actually got to know him. I'm more interested in knowing him as a friend first which is hard because there's a double standard, unfortunately. I also really hate how emotional and protective it's making me right now! I'm just going to try to stay calm and take it easy.
 
S

SicklyBloom

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your feelings are valid and you're 100% not intruding- it's not like you knew or had any ill intentions going in. it'll be okay. <3
You're right, thank you!
 
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Nukelavee

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London, ON
I think it's important for you to figure out exactly what kind of result you were hoping for, should the two of you meet. Friendship? Dating? Have you built this up too much in your head already?

BPD can lead us to play tricks on ourselves. We don't always realize how much importance we have placed on a potential connection, whether it's friendship or more. We often don't realize we've created a happy daydream around it, until something shows us it was just a fantasy.

Or, we don't realize how we feel, so we ignore potential, only to be crushed (by surprise) when something conflicts with our subconscious need.
 
S

SicklyBloom

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I think it's important for you to figure out exactly what kind of result you were hoping for, should the two of you meet. Friendship? Dating? Have you built this up too much in your head already?

BPD can lead us to play tricks on ourselves. We don't always realize how much importance we have placed on a potential connection, whether it's friendship or more. We often don't realize we've created a happy daydream around it, until something shows us it was just a fantasy.

Or, we don't realize how we feel, so we ignore potential, only to be crushed (by surprise) when something conflicts with our subconscious need.
Okay, I understand that may be true for some, but if you read what I said it was actually unexpected because I wasn't the one who lied. He took my number and since it was found, he revealed he had a girlfriend. I literally state I cannot have romantic feelings unless I know them first, so either way, it wouldn't have mattered. Why do you assume because I have BPD I build fantasies around people or have a blind sense of reality? Yes, I can be a daydreamer for sure but it seems as if you threw all context of my forum out the window? I clearly wanted to keep in touch and catch up with him, an innocent crush doesn't mean crap if they aren't trustworthy. That's why I'm hurt?
 
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Nukelavee

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I still felt cheated because I waited too long. Now, I don't know what will come of it since I didn't ask my father to do it, he did it to make me happy. I have been depressed and in need of some company, so you know what it's like to have parents who want to see you smile again. It actually kind of broke my heart and now I don't know what to do. I just keep thinking how happy he must already be and maybe I'm better off without him. All I know is that I wish I would've reached out sooner because now I feel like I'm intruding on someone else's relationship, despite it only being friendship.
I didn't say you did anything wrong.

But that first part I quoted sounded like you felt cheated because him having a girlfriend made you feel like you waited to long to try to get to know him. I'm sorry if I got it wrong, but to me, it really sounded like you were hoping for a connection, even (or only) platonic, and are upset because it no longer seems possible.

My experience with my own BPD, and the way our emotions can feel so intense, when there is somebody I would like to be friends with, I even fantasize a little about how much fun it could be to hang out. And I'm upset for no real reason when it doesn't work out that way.

I clearly wanted to keep in touch and catch up with him, an innocent crush doesn't mean crap if they aren't trustworthy
Your jumping to conclusions here - you don't know he isn't trustworthy. All you know is he didn't throw out your number, and he didn't bother to hide it well from his GF. So, to me, it sounds like a bit of split sinking is occurring.

Why did/do I make certain assumptions? Because you have BPD, and I have BPD, and I'm basing my comments on what I think are things we might have in common.
 
S

SicklyBloom

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Messages
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I didn't say you did anything wrong.

But that first part I quoted sounded like you felt cheated because him having a girlfriend made you feel like you waited to long to try to get to know him. I'm sorry if I got it wrong, but to me, it really sounded like you were hoping for a connection, even (or only) platonic, and are upset because it no longer seems possible.

My experience with my own BPD, and the way our emotions can feel so intense, when there is somebody I would like to be friends with, I even fantasize a little about how much fun it could be to hang out. And I'm upset for no real reason when it doesn't work out that way.


Your jumping to conclusions here - you don't know he isn't trustworthy. All you know is he didn't throw out your number, and he didn't bother to hide it well from his GF. So, to me, it sounds like a bit of split sinking is occurring.

Why did/do I make certain assumptions? Because you have BPD, and I have BPD, and I'm basing my comments on what I think are things we might have in common.
I only said that because trust is important when developing relationships with people, regardless if it's BPD or not. Of course, I felt cheated because I was looking forward to talking to him like he promised, but it never came to be. Yes, I know I have BPD but it doesn't mean I'm fabricating the truth. I'm allowed to have feelings despite them being intense sometimes, but over time, they wear off eventually. I actually don't have any friends in real life, so of course, I'm going to fantasize about potential relationships with people. Those behaviors aren't exclusive to BPD. We can only assume that what we're being told is the truth because we're none the wiser, that's what I mean by "if he's trustworthy" because it's just common sense not assume everyone means what they say. In conclusion, I'm keeping it in the back of my mind and hopefully will hear from him soon.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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This guy by the sounds of things hasn't done himself any favours... looks like he promised to chat but it didn't happen, and then there's your phone number which may have caused concern with his girlfriend... :hug:
 
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Nukelavee

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Yes, I know I have BPD but it doesn't mean I'm fabricating the truth.
I feel like you think I was accusing you of something, and I wasn't. I'm not saying your feelings are invalid, I'm saying the intensity of our reactions can sometimes make us feel worse than we should. not that we do it on person, just that it makes relationships stressful, and figuring out other people can be painful. More painful than for other people.

People with BPD can be good friends.

I guess what I'm saying is you don't have to feel upset about this, or feel like you had bad timing.
 
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