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I used to be very quiet in my class, I then turned very social, and now my classmates seem insecure around me (?)

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Daniel_J

New member
Joined
May 27, 2018
Messages
2
I used to be very quiet in my class, I then turned very social, and now my classmates seem insecure around me (?)

I am 32 years old and I have been in an engineering class for about 3 years now, and from the beginning I was significantly quieter than most other classmates (I have been very careful to start conversations with people for most of my adult life, and this probably makes me come off as reserved and "difficult").
I did become friends with a couple guys for a while, but one of them dropped out one year later and the other guy studies another similar program (kind of a parallel program that we share a few classes with), and he also sometimes skips lectures, so I don't see him that often.
Anyway, several of the other people in my class made a lot of initial approaches and initiated conversations with me and seemed to like me, but I never approached them myself, so they eventually kinda got used to me being super-quiet for the most part, and I started noticing that they became more and more insecure when they saw me - some of them either looked almost scared when we said hi to each other, or they stared at me with some sort of uneasy eyes for a while and then looked away.

However, we had a break from school for a few weeks in the beginning of April, and I decided once and for all to practise my social skills hardcore in my home village, and I rapidly became much better at approaching people and interacting with them in a casual manner, and I could tell that they definitely liked that - this was actually fairly easy for me, since I did use to be very social during my childhood and adolescence, so it came quite naturally for me once I started doing it.
Then I got back to school again, and I had gotten used to being my much more social self, so I acted like that when I met my classmates as well.
But I noticed that they were definitely not as comfortable with that as the people from my home village - sure, they responded with a certain positive surprise, but they also seemed really confused and perplexed, and didn't seem ready for my new personality at all.
I have made about 2-3 attempts to hold a conversation with them, smiled at them and called their names, showed up at parties and had conversations with people etc, in a fairly extroverted manner, and my classmates mostly look confused or stare at me for a moment with a funny "...what?" expression when they see me.

How should I handle this?
Should I just keep acting like the new me in front of them until they get used to it?
I am sure that they would like me a lot if they became comfortable with me, since they did attempt to learn to know me for several months and seemed to enjoy talking to me despite my initially quiet personality.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Former member
:welcome: to the forum. Sorry this is happening to you. Maybe they think you are intimidating?
 
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Daniel_J

New member
Joined
May 27, 2018
Messages
2
:welcome: to the forum. Sorry this is happening to you. Maybe they think you are intimidating?
Thanks. :)
Yeah, I feel like they might be overwhelmed by the fact that I seem very different to them, that's the vibe that I get.
They don't seem to be particularly uncomfortable with it or anything like that, they just seem surprised and confused, like they are asking themselves what on Earth has happened.
I have noticed that they seem more comfortable when they see me nowadays, they just seem really puzzled and unsure how to handle me.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Former member
Thanks. :)
Yeah, I feel like they might be overwhelmed by the fact that I seem very different to them, that's the vibe that I get.
They don't seem to be particularly uncomfortable with it or anything like that, they just seem surprised and confused, like they are asking themselves what on Earth has happened.
I have noticed that they seem more comfortable when they see me nowadays, they just seem really puzzled and unsure how to handle me.

Just give them more time. They may warm up to you. You're welcome. :)
 
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