i truly hate my life more than anything else

[Survivor64]

during when I type this message, beware that this will contain triggering content, you have been warned:
I'm extremely, deeply, severely depressed for over a decade and I'm still fucking depressed, I wasted and I'm still wasting decades and years stuck in life worst than death, I'm surrounded by the worst of criminal scumbags and the entire fucking country is surrounded in every place, the years in school was also a waste and I never could find a fucking job because this country is soo terrifying disgraceful that even the unemployment is one of the fucking worst
I'm stuck in this life worst than death for a fucking decade with nothing but criminal scumbags everywhere, they tried to fucking kill me twice already, but I also live armed 24hrs.

I have been trying to open an online business, I swear I did, but everything involving this country is absolutely the worst; not only I can't open a fucking business, but I also can't tell if I'm gonna survive for the next seconds, and it's been like this for over a decade all the time, I already broke everything that I could around here because I already have several panic attacks, I truly hate this fucking life worst than death, and I hate this fucking country as well
and I seriously don't care what might happen to me, at all, it's already been a decade, and I still can't fucking open an online business, neither escape this fucking life, I been waiting for the fucking Piece of shit of a "government" to give the money that is mine by right, but it won't give to me for some fucking unknown reason
I can't search for help either, I'm surrounded by criminal scumbags
as far as I can tell; I just been trying to survive, but I seriously can't tell how long I will

 

[Skyblue]

Ok. I think you explained yourself very well. That’s a big start - and you came on here to say it so you should take that as a win as well.
The world is seriously fucked up and unfair and unfortunately some people have to deal.
If you are in the UK - ‘Breathing Space’ helpline is amazing. Rant as much as you want. I have a baseball bat beside my bed - you aren’t the only person to feel like tomorrow may never arrive.
Citizens Advice Bureau are also brilliant - they do what they do (in case you don’t know but l think you do - they help you get the funds you are entitled to).
Fight. Use your brain. Get away from the scene.
L.

 

[Survivor64]

i'm not from UK and i just can't "get away from the scene",is never as simple as you're putting to be

 

[Zoe1]

i'm not from UK and i just can't "get away from the scene",is never as simple as you're putting to be

no but hopefully writing about it gives you a little break
and possibly will lead to some insights

 

[treasurebox]

There will be better days for you. Think positive.

Music helps me. Music is therapeutic. Listen to good, uplifting and encouraging music on youtube.

Also, do what you love doing or what you are good at. It will do good to you and make you happy.

 

[Survivor64]

date of this post:01/25/2021 or january 25 2021

i'm still extremely depressed,always surviving in 24hrs in danger without being capable of escaping this disgraceful life,i been having panic attacks alot
i hate this fucking life,i truly do,i hate this life more than anything else
i been trying surviving with my hardest,but i hate my life more than anything,i'm still depressed and having panic attacks

 

[Survivor64]

i truly feel like i'm dying

 

[EclipticNight]

Thats awful to hear. Tapping your name said you are from Brazil correct? If thats the case i know a little of what your talking about, ive seen some shows about how hard it is there. Is there any way out? I font know nearly enough to really give advice other than get out somehow but like you said, its not as easy as just get up and go.

Can you expand on the situation? Does anything hold you there?

 

[DesertNewGirl]

I can identify so much with the disgruntled feelings regarding the world's ails all around. Negativity, abuse of others and crimes seem constant. I feel like I barely survive and having many happy moments seems so impossible to string together. It is even harder during the pandemic.

 

[Alexander Ypsilantis]

I know you're feeling really bad Survivor64, but you're in a forum of people who share those feelings. People suffering from depression have their highs and lows, it's how the disease works. And it is a disease, at least clinical depression is.

Sounds like you're really in a bad situation. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Even if your problems don't go away, just talking about them to someone you can trust can ease your load just a little bit. It can make all the difference in the world.

 

[Survivor64]

my life is soo disgracefully horrible that i have nightmares with my own life
i truly want to die

 

[NWiddi]

I'm sorry you feel this way, I found this service for Brazil, I don't know if they can help but may be worth a try? Your life is worth fighting for.

• Centro de Valorização da Vida (CVV | Centro de Valorização da Vida) is an emotional and suicidal prevention support NGO founded in 1962 in São Paulo, Brazil, and recognized as Federal Public Utility in 1973. It offers voluntary and free support, with all communications being confidential. Contacts can be made through the phone number 141 (available 24/7), personally (in one of the 72 centres around the country), chat (via their website), VoIP (via Skype) and e-mail.

 

[Survivor64]

i'm still somehow surviving,but i'm having horryfing panic attacks way more frequently,i'm become more schizophrenic and i'm becoming more and more,i still can take attack criminal scumbags
but i'm becoming more paranoiac and schizophrenic
unfortunaly,i still can't get the help i need

 

[Survivor64]

i'm still depressed and hate this life more than anything and despite everything i still want to die but
slowly,i'm making little things happen,slowly,even because i still don't have motivation neither energy,i hate this life and i truly want to die and i don't care about dying

there is not much updates,but for those who are keeping up,that's about it

 

[2Much2Feel]

I'm really sorry, Survivor64. This is so hard to hear. Your situation sounds extremely difficult to deal with. Have you called the hotline offered by @NWiddi? You need to talk with someone who can help you. It sounds critical at this point and like it's been unbearable for a long time (I have had about 8 yrs of depression/anxiety, but not as severe usually). You really sound like you need professional help.