i took a wrong job and i regret it badly it feels like a heart break

V

Venn

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Jun 22, 2019
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my 2 year cadetship program from a hydro powerplant just recently ended and am forced to look for a job again... since desperation set in, i looked for job to a lot of places and sent resumes like crazy

at the time i had no job for a month, there were two job offers for me at the time... one was a coal powerplant with a cadetship training program with 6 months rigid training along with classes but there was no assurance of being hired as a regular even when we had good performance.

the second job offer was in a feedmill plant good for regularization where there is a "training" before being deployed to the real job. the advantage was it was near to my place. the disadvantage was it was not is not a powerplant and not really a good career for engineers.

the coal powerplant was good for a career since i am an electrical engineer but i was discouraged by the saying that there is no assurance that i will get hired, so like my instincts tell me, i chose the feedmill plant job since i will be sure to a regular.

now here comes my regret... there is no actual training in the feedmill plant... just a week after the job, the position was fully turned over to me and a lot of things confused me at the time that i didn't understand yet and then theres my colleagues always scolding me for not doing this and that... etc.

now observing in the coal powerplant cadetship program, they hired teachers and proper lectures on their cadetship program and proper hands on training and even doing little quizzes and submission of what they have learned on the cadetship program.

now i wished i chose the coal power plant job instead of the feedmill plant job... it really hurt a lot knowing the regret that i felt on choosing the wrong job... but we need money anyway so i have to not regret and move on...

i really wished i made a different choice back then.. like choosing the coal powerplant job instead of the feedmill one... where i will experience proper training, lectures, i still want to have the feeling that we are on a classroom before being released to the real world.

right now my social anxiety is kicking in, I don't know how to talk to people properly and I am now the boss of the contractuals and don't know what to do... I need help... I can't breathe properly and have an aching heart because of all the pain, regret and suffering that I am experiencing now...
 
G

Girl interupted

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The good news is that because you completed your electrical engineering, you can literally do anything you want, it’s a highly coveted skill, where you could work anywhere in the world as long as you understand and can speak the language.

The only person limiting you is you.

If you want the coal plant job, apply for it, but don’t leave the feed mill job until you’ve secured the other. There’s no rules that say you have to pick one and stick with it. If your family is relying on your salary, then just make sure you have something lined up before you quit the other.

Do what will make you happy. I changed careers in my mid 40s ... so it’s never too late.
 
V

Venn

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I declined the coal plant job... now that cadetship is gone forever and now am stuck with this job at the feedmill where literally just after a week the job responsibility is yours... it makes me wanna cry actually... i always get scolded by my boss, don't know what the hell i'm doing and was just wishing that I get terminated...

I really wished I was going for the coal powerplant job where there is a 6 month cadetship... at least with that they will teach and guide me how to do the job... not like this where there is only 1 week time and im all alone by myself...

the pain, the anxiety, the regret is all over the place... I wish I hadn't taken this job... if I resign too early it will be an embarassment because the feedmill job is just near to my place.
 
Luci

Luci

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You need to approach your boss about your lack of training and tell your colleagues you need support too. You are clearly a very intelligent person and you will be able to do this job if you set your mind to it, and you can continue to look for other posts in the meantime?
 
G

Girl interupted

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So there is an element of family honour and pride in the equation. That’s a lot of pressure. Have you talked with your family about it? What do they say?

And is it possible that the feedmill job will get better as you gain more experience and get comfortable with the job? It could be that these are just normal bumps in learning a new job, everyone goes through that, you are not alone.

And I get that it would feel embarrassing to ask your employer for more training, because you are afraid of appearing weak. But if it’s causing you this much anxiety, it’s not the worst thing to ask for, you can say it in a way like “I need a bit more training and support in order to do my job to the best of my abilities for you. I want to do well here.”

Even if your boss is yelling at you, that’s probably how he has done it all his life and doesn’t know any better. It’s his job to make sure you have all the skills and tools you need to be successful.

In the meantime, look for other jobs, even in cities where you don’t live. It may be that you find the perfect job somewhere else and you bring your family with you.
 
V

Venn

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Philippines
You need to approach your boss about your lack of training and tell your colleagues you need support too. You are clearly a very intelligent person and you will be able to do this job if you set your mind to it, and you can continue to look for other posts in the meantime?
So there is an element of family honour and pride in the equation. That’s a lot of pressure. Have you talked with your family about it? What do they say?

And is it possible that the feedmill job will get better as you gain more experience and get comfortable with the job? It could be that these are just normal bumps in learning a new job, everyone goes through that, you are not alone.

And I get that it would feel embarrassing to ask your employer for more training, because you are afraid of appearing weak. But if it’s causing you this much anxiety, it’s not the worst thing to ask for, you can say it in a way like “I need a bit more training and support in order to do my job to the best of my abilities for you. I want to do well here.”

Even if your boss is yelling at you, that’s probably how he has done it all his life and doesn’t know any better. It’s his job to make sure you have all the skills and tools you need to be successful.

In the meantime, look for other jobs, even in cities where you don’t live. It may be that you find the perfect job somewhere else and you bring your family with you.
My real reason for wanting to go into cadetship in the coal fired powerplant was that it was a cadetship and no real responsibility as of yet... so why bother working if you don't want to handle responsibilities yet?

My real reason was that I was going to change careers right after the end of my contract and will follow on becoming a web developer specifically in wordpress... I really didn't want to work in a powerplant when I am an engineer but instead wanted to be a teacher in my degree.. but he doesn't want me to be one because of the small salary...

My father and I had a fight just right after my graveyard shift... and he mentioned he was okay about it all along... I told him the cadetship of the coal powerplant was just a means for giving me enough time for my web development career and at the same time gain some money along the way and how it feels to be inside of a coal power plant.

He was okay with it and even preferred me to be in the coal power plant anyways and was okay with the fact that I would only use my cadetship training in the coal powerplant to gain skills in my web development career without having to worry about money.

If I only realized he was okay with this, I would've chosen the coal powerplant job instead... this is how regret, pain and suffering altogether feels...

right now he doesn't want me to go out of the feedmill plant... he yelled at me saying it wouldn't be an embarassment if I left so early and not even lasting a month... I could have just taken my cadetship at the coal powerplant and if I didn't get hired in the coal powerplant for example (because they didn't give any assurance that even with good marks or scores) I wouldn't have to deal with the embarassment and still get a certificate... that way I still could still have a good record with a cadetship at the hydro powerplant for 2 years and a cadetship experience for 8 months...

during those 8 months, I wouldn't have to worry about real plant responsibilities as of yet. I could have used those 8 months as a means to study web development and at the same time earn money...

unlike my situation at the feedmill plant... its just the 1st day and immediately I don't like it already.
 
V

Venn

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Philippines
not sure if I have been having panic attacks... but my heart hurts, it keeps palpitating, and my hands start shaking all of a sudden even if I have eaten properly... I've had my blood pressure checked but it seemed normal...
 
V

Venn

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Jun 22, 2019
Messages
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Location
Philippines
here is what's pressuring me right now:
-i always get scolded by my boss because he noticed that i don't get instructions very clearly most of the time because i keep asking things that have already been said where most people already noted and got it in just one saying where in my case it needs to be told 3 - 4 times... either its because i'm depressed and suffering of my regret about my decision or that i'm just really stupid at instructions... it's always been this way since i was a child... i don't know if games or cartoons were a factor like what my dad used to say.

-if i resign or get fired, the news will be all over the plant and i know some people there who have been my classmates in highschool, college, my childhood friends and even some uncles (not blood related)... they will think... "oh its that guy from highschool that already resigned/terminated? what a loser..." and they all know me already.

-my father keeps telling me to do exercises or daily routines... but what's the use if you are sad, unmotivated, in pain, unable to sleep 7 - 8 hrs a day (usually only 4 to 5) because I keep having dreams that I am falling off of a tall building, dreaming that I instead chose the coal powerplant job

-i have a colleague a cadet engineer in the hydro powerplant who also ended his 2 year cadet program... he was the one who convinced me to go into the coal power plant job instead of the feedmill plant because it was a CAREER BUILDING job... and he was right... he showed me pictures that they were having lectures, how they were taught to troubleshoot, there were lab facilities where cadets can practice all day and study all day with no limitations... and here I am stuck in a feedmill job, no career paths, no place for growth (even if the feedmill company promised to), no new learnings... nothing

at first my colleague kinda teased me about me choosing the feedmill plant over the coal power plant but after seeing my grief, how depressed i am and how i am suffering, he said sorry and promised to give me notes and books about what he has learned after his cadetship is over... but what good are notes if you haven't even done any HANDS on training?

the jealousy, the regret, the suffering and depression and the expectations of the family members is killing me... its eating me away inside day by day... my family keeps giving me vitamins and supplements all the time (using my money), my neighbors who know how i'm feeling invite me to groups, events and stuff... but what good are these if you are sad depressed and in pain?

i don't know how i can respond... i'm getting less and less sleep, eat day by day.. sometimes if my body cant take it, during my restdays i just sleep the whole day not doing anything but procrastination and my dad scolding me for being a lazy asf good for nothing son.

what should i do?? i need help, i need guidance... it's killing me inside... and there are times i want to shout out the pain and just cry it all and just let the pain fade away... but it won't... instead its destroying me slowly...
 
Parayana

Parayana

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Venn buddy, I don't know what to say about the job, but yes, that definitely sounds like a panic attack, my friend gets them and exactly the same happens with palpitations and shaking.
 
Parayana

Parayana

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My friend takes Propananol (sp?) for it.
 
Luci

Luci

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You will never be truly happy unless you start to do things for yourself, instead of doing it to please other people. You may not want to 'disappoint' your dad and other family, but it is your life not theirs.

You have only just started this job, give yourself a chance! You dont need to stay there forever! Just stay there until you find something else. You care too much about what other people think.

It is great that you have people around you who are trying to help and support you. A lot of people dont have that. I understand what you mean by socialising feeling 'pointless' but you should make an effort to enjoy being out and take your mind off your problems.

Try and focus on the positives. You have a job, a lot of people would love to have a job, even a job they dont enjoy! You have a family and friends around you, again a lot of people dont have that. Please try to focus on the positives.
 
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