I told a friend about my suicidal thoughts and i feel bad for doing it.

P

Pffft

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#1
So I told a friend (its hard to explain about how we know each other) she has a lot of experience with mental health. As I say my friendship with her is difficult to explain as we aren't best friends but when i told her she was very supportive. To be honest I don't have many friends and out of my 2 best friends one doesn't get mental health and the other one fell out with me over a year ago as i was seemingly too much. TBH it was upsetting when it happened as I always asked how she was and I certainly didn't make everything about me. But anyways I told my friend about my suicidal thoughts and TBH I feel really guilty because I feel I have manipulated her into talking to me. I feel awful about putting it on her. I also worry that if I do commit suicide then she will feel guilty but I have told my therapist so i could tell my friend that he knows as this will have hopefully help her to stop worrying. TBH I just feel like I have manipulated her and I hate the thought of it.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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#3
Hi,
Please try not to worry, we all need friends to lean on at times.
We're here for you to.
Take care
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

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#4
It’s hard. You didn’t try to manipulate her, you just wanted to talk about your problems, but by doing so it feels to you like you are placing a burden on the person.
I know this feeling well. It’s such a double edged sword!
Some people really want to hear, and help. Others have no idea what to do, and some will bail.
Since she has experience in mental health, and you told her you’re seeing a therapist, I don’t think she will feel completely responsible for your well-being.
If someone told me this, I would feel glad they trusted me enough to tell me.
My daughter once told a friend, and he told the school, who reached out to me, and I got her the help she needed.
Life is a web of people with joys and troubles, so don’t feel guilty for sharing.
 
honeybadger

honeybadger

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#5
If the truth is never spoken it's never heard. What a shame most don't know how to handle hearing it.
 
snowfreckled

snowfreckled

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#7
Reaching out for help is not manipulation. It's smart.

It's likely that you're feeling like a burden due to your emotional pain, not because it's "true". Emotional pain has a way of distoring our view of everything, from how we see ourselves and our lives to how others see us.

You are not a burden and you deserve help. Keep going to therapy. I hope you'll grow kinder to yourself each day.

There's always someone who cares.
 
M

megirl

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#8
No way you have not been manipulative in any way.
Be kind to yourself, you asked for help, and be proud that you trusted someone to be able to do this.
 
M

megirl

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#9
If someone trusted me enough to ask for help, I would see that as a privilege to be able to help another human being.
Its not a burden,its a pleasure as always to help others
 
M

Matt3.3

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#10
So I told a friend (its hard to explain about how we know each other) she has a lot of experience with mental health. As I say my friendship with her is difficult to explain as we aren't best friends but when i told her she was very supportive. To be honest I don't have many friends and out of my 2 best friends one doesn't get mental health and the other one fell out with me over a year ago as i was seemingly too much. TBH it was upsetting when it happened as I always asked how she was and I certainly didn't make everything about me. But anyways I told my friend about my suicidal thoughts and TBH I feel really guilty because I feel I have manipulated her into talking to me. I feel awful about putting it on her. I also worry that if I do commit suicide then she will feel guilty but I have told my therapist so i could tell my friend that he knows as this will have hopefully help her to stop worrying. TBH I just feel like I have manipulated her and I hate the thought of it.
There is nothing wrong with reaching out, especially with something so serious. I'm sure you had no ill intent when you told her, i'm speaking from experience when i say that it's actually very important to tell people about stuff like this as they can really help you themselves or help you get the help you need. You know someone who would do something like this solely for the purpose of manipulating other person to talk to them wouldn't feel guilty afterwards and wouldn't worry about the other persons feelings, so to me personally that proves that you didn't do it for that. Don't feel guilty, you didn't do anything wrong :)
 
P

Pffft

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#11
Hello everyone, thank you all so much for your kind words. :grouphug: I spoke to her yesterday and she was really nice about it and reassured me that she would rather that I spoke to someone about it. She said she spoke to a friend about it but she kept my name out of it which is good. She asked if this was OK and I said that is was as it would be unfair for her to be told what I said and expect her not to need to talk to someone about it.
 
L

LittleMissNameless

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#12
Well the question is we're you trying to get something? Like do you need someone to step in and help you is that why you told her? Are you feeling like you have a suicide plan or feeling alone? Because why you told her is kind of really important.
 
P

Pffft

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#13
I told her because it felt like a huge weight and I just didn't know what to do. I text her as we go to the same fitness group and asked if she was free to talk afterwards and she said she wasn't and asked if it was urgent. I just said it wasn't because I felt rejected enough. I know she could have genuinely been busy after but I just felt she was saying it to avoid me. I'm just sick of feeling so pathetic and like a loser.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

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#14
I’m sorry she couldn’t talk. It could be she was busy. Try not to worry.
You say it’s a weight you carry, and it does feel better to talk about it with someone.
Does your therapist help? Are your parents understanding? Siblings? Have you ever tried group therapy?
You need to be able to talk about what you’re feeling. You can also talk on this board! We get what you’re going through. :hug:
 
G

Girl interupted

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#15
Don’t read into it, as hard as that may be. If she’s a nurse, she knows what is involved and would not leave you hanging if it was like the week before when you truly were in crisis. The fact that she asked if was urgent means she can give you the support you need while in crisis, but you have to do your part and work at it.

She likely did have plans. Don’t punish her or yourself for that.

She was a very decent person when you needed it most. Now you have to focus on restabilizing. You can do it!