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I thought I was making progress...

C

CFE101

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2018
Messages
10
I posted in the introduction forum the other week after having a really bad panic attack nearly a month ago now.

For a while there after really fighting with my mind (thinking positive things) I started to feel better. I could calm myself down when I felt a little anxious and it meant it wouldn't come to much.

On Sunday night out of the blue whilst in bed (feeling the best I had felt in 3 weeks) my heart started racing. As much as it didn't feel as bad as the bad panic I had previously, it took me a while to calm down and it brought down my mood again.

I went to CBT today and after talking for a little while about potential causes for my anxiety/panic attacks and being shown breathing exercises to practice for when I start myself feeling anxious and one for if I have a panic attack, I came away feeling better. Then the thoughts started to creep in again gradually about an hour ago. I've noticed that it can happen a lot when I'm alone. The thing being I was always the kind of person who liked my own company. Maybe a little too much.

It all built up just there when I was watching an old video of my nephew. I just started to cry. When I feel like this it's as if I'm genuinely scared of life. As if I'm disconnected. The world is moving and will continue to move whilst I stay still. I actually feel helpless. I'll think of myself doing the simplest of tasks, tasks that I like doing and it'll feel like there's no point or that there's no end, like I can't see past it. I come out of it but when I'm in that mindset it is honestly terrifying at times.

Could this be depression as well as anxiety? One causing the other? Obviously how the anxiety made me feel could lead to me being depressed, but I always ask myself was I happy before? I split up with my girlfriend nearly a year ago and I didn't deal with it well at all. I'd drink and (almost always) take drugs once a week and wouldn't talk to anyone about my problems, just bottle them up. My CBT therapist told me I should maybe think about speaking to her but it feels like there is no point. As far as I'm aware she has moved on and I'm still left here stuck.

Any advice would be great
 
C

CFE101

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2018
Messages
10
To give an example of how things play out in my mind nowadays...I was just thinking about how talking to my sister (not about this specifically) but in general calms me down. We argued like normal brother and sister when we were younger but now I enjoy seeing/speaking to her when she visits.

The next thing I imagined was me going down to hers and breaking down crying like I just did. How am I supposed to have the confidence in doing things (even though I know the chance of that happening are very slim) when these are the kind of scenarios I'm making up.
 
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