- Jan 28, 2008
- Adrian, Mi.
I just got home from a 2 week vacation to Ca. to see my daughter, son in law and grandkids. They paid our way to go as we could never afford to do it on our own. It was so wonderful to see them after 10 1/2 years. Can you all imagine what it is like not to see your child for that long? We had a wonderful time but coming home is making my anxiety level soar. I wish I had never gone. Is that pathetic or what? It makes me hate my life even more than I did before. I miss living in Ca. and I miss my daughter and it was kind of like a tease that we live in miserable Michigan. I could never afford to live in Ca. again but I can't help the way I feel. I am actually envious of my daughter. They have such a nice home, and they pretty much do anything they want and I had to come home to a flooded basement, a dryer that quit, and a money pit of a house that is falling in around me and I can't afford to fix it or sell it to come out with enough to make it anywhere else. My husband went the whole time in Ca. without huffing and puffing from the humidity. He felt pretty good the whole time we were there. Now it is back to the same old thing, watching him huff and puff up the stairs of our grungy house. The market where we live is so bad I would never be able to sell our house for what we have into it. I hate my job and the anxiety of it came rolling right back in the minute I walked through the door this morning. Nothing went wrong or anything but just being there was pure torture. God please help me. I don't know how long I can go on with this pure unhappiness. Everything about my life makes me sad. I do love my husband but I hate that he is sick and it is all on me. I know that sounds so selfish but I was always the stay at home mom and when I did work it was because I wanted to not because I had to. I hate being the breadwinner especially since I don't make enough to bring home the bread. The vacation gave me a taste of how nice life can be and how miserable I am with my own. Leaving my daughter was one of the worst days of my life and I can't shake the anger that I had to come back to the things in my life that I loathe.