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I think there is something wrong with me, please help

W

willow3

New member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
2
Hi all. I hope this isn't too long and rambly, I guess I'm just looking for someone to let me know if these symptoms sound familiar to them.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week (referred by a doctor at my uni when I said I wanted help with my moods) and I am already worried that he will say there is nothing wrong with me.

1. I have mood swings. I can get extremely down and depressed and think about dying. Then two days later I feel 'normal' and think about other things. Then the next week I will be down again. For example, recently I went from a fight with my boyfriend and feeling sad and suicidal after, to a couple of hours after being relatively happy. Basically, my emotions are out of control. I can easily ruin a day with my boyfriend by being down and gloomy, or by my inappropriate reaction to something he did or said, then expect to have the day be normal again when I am over it a while later.

2. Recently, over the past few months, I have become a terrible girlfriend. I get so angry at my boyfriend, mainly over things that are not his fault and out of anyone's control. For example, on a recent holiday of a lifetime I got so angry with him multiple times because we got lost, or our train was late, or we can't check in until later. Then I regret this outburst of anger a short while later and become 'normal' again. This is in comparison to my behaviour towards him last year, when I was practically obsessed with our relationship and jealous over him going anywhere without me, or when he hung out with his female friend. This caused many issues and made me look crazy to multiple people in his life.

3. I have no idea who I am, what I want, where I am going. I have changed what I am studying at uni three times now and I swore this was the last time, yet I now question if what I am studying is what I really want. I can't see my future and feel as if I will never have what others have. This leads to suicidal thoughts as well.

4. On multiple occasions in the past, when I have been crying and down and hating myself or feeling desperate, I have felt the need to hurt myself. I don't know why I do this.

5. Sometimes I feel numb. Emotionless towards most things, if you will. This has gotten worse and worries me. For example, I no longer show any affection to my boyfriend. I find it hard to make friends. I have very few friends and when I hang out with them I feel as if I am putting on a mask, and I try to be funny and interesting but it is so tiring to be an animated person that has anything to say. Yet, I feel lonely and want more company (then I would feel exhausted by being with them).

6. I get anxious when thinking of anything happening to my mother. I feel like I need to move closer to her, my heart races when I think of not being near her. It's as if I define my life by being near her, and also my sister to a lesser extent.

In general, I just don't feel like a normal person. I feel as if my emotions aren't 'adult' and as if my moods can ruin things for me. I just want the chance to have control over my moods and be a happy person, which is why I am so worried the psych will say I'm totally fine, cause I know inside of me that I am not. Thanks in advance.
 
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SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hey Willow, welcome to the forum. :hi:
Sounds like you've been experiencing a lot of stressful stuff.
I'm glad that you have a upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss these issues with though, because it sounds like you really want things to change.

I would say to you to try not to worry too much about the appointment or what the psychiatrist thinks of you.
The thing is, it's not just what you experience that they take into consideration - it's how much they effect your life and how much they're distressing you.

It might sound a bit naff, but if you can write down all of your concerns before seeing the psychiatrist and then take the list with you to the appointment it might help you to have a list there (in case you get nervous and forget what you want to say).
 
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