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I think my mind is deterioting



Feb 2, 2015
Hey I'm new to this forum, but I was diagnosed with schitzophrenia (or schitzo affective depending on the doctor) in 2001. I've relasped a bunch of times, but have been fine on my meds these past 4 or 5 years. A month ago I started to feel more abnormal than usual. None of the schitzo effects but more concious of my interactions with people. I'm a bike messenger in SF and can only talk to customers for 20 seconds without it getting weird. Maybe I'm percieving into too much of their facial expressions or maybe I'm tripping. I also feel that people are more rude to me than usual. I'm also an introverted loner with really no freinds and who doesn't make freinds. My girl broke up with me a month and a half ago which was my last real freind, so I really have no one to help me focus and be a positive support system right now. I also have low EQ. Sorry to bug yall with my problems but I don't feel 100% right now.


Feb 2, 2015
Nikita said:
Hello Observe:welcome:

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties at this time.I often had difficulties with percepton around other people.I also am diagnosed scizoaffective disorder and like you have had several breakdowns but not for the last 4 years.I sometimes get a kind of shock response from the feeling of aliveness and realness,or being completely in the moment when with other people.It is kind of like the fact that they are alive flesh and blood is so vivid and strong it is a complete shock, like i have been asleep and woken up to find myself completely in time or even ahead of time I am so aware and awake.This perception scares me so much I want to scream out loud at times.Or it makes me very self conscious of myself too and worried about what I might say, of embarrassing myself etc.I have to find a way to dull my perceptions and put me back to sleep to get out of the frightening experience at times.Othertimes I think if I can find a way to function while experiencing this I will have beaten the matrix and found a way to be totally alive and zen,in the moment,to truely experience life and being alive.You say you are a loner and don't have many friends whch isn't unusual and precedes this experience of being fully conscious during interactions, is that weird feeling you get a little bit of shyness, awkwardness and embarrassment do you think?Or do you have any other way to describe it?People can be rude ,facial expressions I found at times I was very sensitive they could go right through me and trigger some really unpleasant emotions in me.Try not to worry or suffer too much, you are not alone feeling this way.Being on this forum should help and you will find lots of others will come along to support you.I am here if you want to talk and i am available via PM too if you feel more comfortable that way.I wish you all the best and hopefully you will find ways to deal with this problem.I am sorry to hear you split up with your girlfriendf,maybe someone new will come along, I hope so, and i hope you can make new friends soon too!All the best.Nikitax
Thanks for those postive inspiring words. Sometimes I'm in Zen other times it's the awkwardness feeling of non-sleep which I know very well because I do alot researching on the net till the sun rises. Also you're right a little bit of shyness does arise with a quick glance in the other direction when usually I don't break a stare.
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