I think my girlfriend may be crazy!

[Chrisy]

6 months ago i met a girl who i really liked and ever since then we have been in a relationship. The problem is i don't look forward to seing her anymore or enjoy her company very much anymore. She said at the start of the relationship she had a telephone addiction with her last bf and that her last bf cheated on her and punched her several times, i understood that and accepted there could be some baklash from that, what i didin't realise is how much backlash. We've only had 2 days apart in 6 months, she claims shes paranoid i'm going to cheat on her, i've stressed so many times to her that i would never cheat on her, but she doesn't seem to listen. we can spend 10 hours today everyday and at the end of the night she wants to spend another hour on the phone talking about how she doesn't want me to cheat on her and how she thinks i am, this is the height of her conversation, for 6 months all she has really talked about is this everday all day, she wants to know my every movement, shes so possessed by this she even follws me into the kitchen when i'm making food. She took my phone of me and when i do have it she asks to see it, she checks there are no womens numbers on it. She can also be very aggressive and angry she constantly argues with her family she can start a fight in an empty house, she wont hesitaite to have a go at me and make it look like i've done something wrong when in actual fact i'm completely innocent. If a girl passes she either accuses me of fancying them or asks me if i think there pretty, she then takes the huff. She has me so upset and thrustrated i sometimes just sitdown and do nothing, she then says i look in a bad mood and demands i cheer up, she shouts in my face until i do so. In her last job she was told to work weekends so she quit the job because she wouldn't be able to see me as much, after known her for 2 weeks she had me stay over at her parents house where she lives, ever since then i have to stayed there every weekend, no consideration that i might have objectiones, i feel like a whipping horse i have no life anynmore shes constantly there telling me how i feel, what i want what she thinks i think. I do love this girl and she loves me but i'm afraid i'm gonna have to break this relationship up if she doesn't get help, shes been saying for months she's going to get help but so far she hasen't. A few times i've threatened to break up with her because of the stress shers causing me she would then burst into tears and beg me to stay, i didin't want to lose her so i stayed but i don't know how much more i can take even though i love her and care so much for her; the fact is i've had an argument with her nearly everyday of the 6 month relationship. Nearly everytime i go into the gym she accuisses other girls of looking at me and says i'm looking back when i'm not then sghe runs of crying because we have an argument or she thinks people are looking at her, shes trying to isolate me from everybody, espeacially my friends who i never see now because of her, shed have me not work and be with her 24/7, she threatens to kill herself when i say we've broken up.

Thanks for reading, please any advice would be great!

 

[daffy]

Hi Chrisy and welcome. You dont say how old you are but i guess your at the younger end. It does sound as if you gf has been badly treated in the past and this has affected her plus she may also have low self esteem. Have you spoken to her parents about this?

Possesivness can kill a relationship. The happiest ones are usually when you can have some seperate interests. I cant see much future for this relationship if she cannot change. There again if it is a mental illness there would be help she could get.

If you get on well with her family try and have a private chat first, and if they dont think there is any medical problem try contacting your local library or surgery to see if there are any confidence groups she could attend

good luck

 

[Dollit]

I am disturbed that your girlfriend is using the oldest blackmail trick of all by threatening to kill herself. That is a terrible thing to say to someone. If that is the only reason you're staying with her then it is the wrong one. She has the problem and she is the one that has to address it. You say you love her but you also say you argue every day and that you don't any enjoyment from the relationship. Are you in love with her - honestly? Can you imagine being married to her? Are you looking for permission to split with her? Unless she does something then this situation will only get worse - you have to make the decision based purely on your needs. I stayed with a guy for 13 years when the relationship should have actually been over between 9 and 11 years earlier because I was afraid of hurting him and he still won't let go over a year after the break up. It's not an easy decision but only you can make it. Good luck

 

[jooblue]

Mate, you’re in an impossible position. She is aware of her behaviour but unwilling to actually get help – does she really expect you to live in a sealed room away from other women, and only ever able to do what she says? She is manipulating the situation. She needs to understand that you can’t live like this, and that it is up to her to make the difference by proving she cares enough to act. It sounds like she wants you to cheat on her so that she can be proved right, and that’s a sign of deep-rooted problems that can be addressed.

I can be a nightmare to be around – largely as a result of bad stuff that’s happened to me too – and I know I can be jealous and possessive, but this is on another level and requires her to act or else she will end up with what she fears most: being alone. She can get better, but she's got to at least try!

I am not advising you to stay with her, or to leave her, but she’s got to meet you half way. Has she given you a reason why she won’t actually go through with getting help? She is expecting 100% from you in return for 0% from her. She wants you to fix her and you can’t. I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but unless she accepts that she is the only one who can make it better it probably won't, and in the meantime who is taking care of you?

 

[Chrisy]

Hi, it's bee about 2 months since i was on this site, but i would like some advice if anyone could help please! Since last time i posted over 2 months ago my girlfriend has proved she is more possessed, crazzy, bunny boiler, depressing, controlling ect than ever before. She went on holiday for a week at the end of last month when she came back i found the ability to dump her, however she sat and preyd on my nice nature for nearly five hours crying and begging, trying to make me feel sorry for her, at that point i gave in and said ok we'll give it a go, secretly thinking well when she does the next thing wrong, which i know she will i can dump her then, but she keeps managing to manipulate me, she says to me on average 2 times a week that were gonna start the relationship over again because shes found a way to through us so far apart, only last week i was staying at her house and i fell asleep at 1 o clock in the morning and she accused me of not wanting to be with me and shouted at me for 45 mins refusing to let me sleep. The next morning she gave me hell all day, i could just say your dumped or run off but then she beggs me not to and doesn't let me passes. Yesterday is quite possibly the worst day i have ever spent with her and there been a lot, i was suppossed to meet her for 3 hours, then go see my pal for 2 hours then i had to go home to my bed as i was working the following morning. She showed up drunk i said if your gonna be drunk i'll have to send you home, she swore at me and said can we just go somewhere to eat, so i took her into this indian restaurant which is very exspensive and she then started cursing at me swearing, saying your going to dump me tommorow i know, saying i did not love her but she loved me she was very loud in a quiet restaurant, she even said all this to the waiters really embarrassing me because she was drunk, then i decided i was gonna phone home she grabbed my arm and said you'll wait untill i'm finished , i couldn't even go to the toilet or get the bill finially i managed to get the bill and get out but she was going crazzy nuts at me i tried to walk away then i tried to run, but then she faked a panic attack embarrasing me even more in the street she lied on the road pretending she couldn't breath, but it's alright when it's suiting her then i had to sit and endure her crap for another 2 hours, i got to the train station where i said right your going home she i'm not going anywhere she was telling me i was as bad as her last boyfriend who hit and abused her, i told her to go to hell for that, she said why can't you sacrafice one night for me cancell your night out with my pal whio i arranged a night out with 1 week ago, i see her nearley everyday to my disliking. My dad finially arrived to pick me up and she soon changed her tune putting an act on then i finially managed to get away i went out with my pal and about 2 hours later she turns up in the pub i was shocked i live 31 mile away from her she basically stocked me, i got her on a taxi straight away and sent her home she had sobbered up by that point but i refused to speak to her and she went home, i haven't spoke to her since but she is sending me loads of e-mails begging me to reply back, any help with this would be nice, thank you.

 

[Fedup]

Sounds to me you are better off without her.
Keep ignoring her message's and hopefully she'll soon get the message.

Goodluck

 

[Dollit]

If she's sending emails block her, block her on your mobile. You can block her on your landline even. Keep a note of when she tries to get in touch. If you do happen to speak to her tell her on no uncertain terms you don't want to see her again and ignore her from then on in. What she is doing is harassment and is considered anti social behaviour and is punishable in law. Good luck.

 

[daffy]

I agree with Dollit. This relaitionship has got to stop, and dont let her blackmail you with her threats. She obviously has problems that she needs to sort out.

Block her e mails and texts and contact the phne company and request o get her number barred or else you could go for call screening so you can see whos called or let every call go onto ansza machine. Which i had to do a couple of years back when i was being pestered. It took about 2 weeks for the call to stop but he got the hint in the end. I know its naughty but it had to be done

 

[Hildie1217]

Wow

Done people here are heartless.... Yeah she may be putting you through a hard time but think of how much harder it is for her mentally. Living with all this fears and mental anguish.. I understand its not fair for you. But try to calmly talk to her put your foot down and keep firm but be considerate of her emotions and mental state of mind....
I have BIPOLAR DISORDER and like you mention in your first message she puts you through a rough time I have to done it to my husband but thank god he is very patient with me and if you really love her you would be there for her every step of the way... Don't take threats lightly you never know what a ill person is capable of doing..
Hope everything goes well.. Remember mental illness is a everyday battle..