• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I think my friend is depressed.

T

Tealseal

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Mansfield
I am friends with a guy and I think that he might be depressed, I would like some advice on how to approach this please.

He talks about the fact that he can wake up in a morning and not get up for hours at a time until he desperately needs a drink/go to the toilet. When I stayed over he didn't do that because I was there.

He struggles to clean his house and car, his house can be extremely untidy and he only tidies up when he can't leave it anymore and he will tidy if someone comes over out of what seems like embarrassment and shame. So, whenever I've been round it has been tidy and clean. I had never seen his place/car untidy and he actually showed me a video of what it looked like today and I find it quite upsetting that he lives alone like that. I live just over an hour away and can't drive so we don't see each other most weekends, but I find it upsetting knowing that he is living like that and feels that way. He says that he is constantly tired and simple things can make him exhausted.

He isn't motivated to do anything, he puts things off to the last minute, he doesn't care about much. He has opened up to me about it and he said that he has tried everything to get out of bed and motivate himself and he can't. He said that it has been that way for so many years and doesn't think it will ever change. He says that he'll never find a girlfriend and nobody will ever love him. He eats dinner at past 9pm some days as he can't find the motivation to cook.

I have had bad depressive episodes and I understand how he feels because I've been there. But, I don't know how to support him. I care about him and I want to make sure that he feels like he can talk to me. He doesn't tell anyone anything out of shame and guilt and I'm glad he has opened up to me, I don't want him to keep this all to himself.

Again, it's so sad and I don't know what to do. I wanted to speak to him at some point (when the time is right, not randomly) and suggest that he might be depressed. But, I'm not sure how to approach this situation.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
39,933
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
welcome here x it sounds like you are already there for him which is the most important thing that he has some support ,maybe try and suggest he sees a doctor? when i struggle to talk to people i sometimes write them a letter x lots of love and let us know how you get on x Lu x
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,322
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Your friend is most likely depressed, especially with regard to how you describe his lack of motivation and his struggles. He most likely feels overwhelmed by everything. When the time is right, perhaps you can say to him that you've noticed his lack of motivation and his struggles and you're wondering if he feels overwhelmed by everything. Then ask him if he wants to elaborate on these things, and tell him that you're there for him and that you will support him however he needs your help.
 
A

Anne Has A Way

Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2020
Messages
22
Location
South Africa
Your friend opened up to you about their depression. This is a desire for help. Kindly and lovingly approach them one day, say you think they might be depressed and ask if you can make then an appointment with a mental health professional. Have a number ready and make the appointment as soon as they agree. You DO NOT have to take responsibility, but if your friends struggles with procrastination and shame, they need the little push, it will be the kindest thing you can do.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
667
I think you have to think what you want from this relationship? From what you have written, there could be a danger that you might come to regard him as a sort of project rather than a friend or someone you can have a long-term relationship with.

If you decide to help him, then think about what practical help you can give him. This might involved quite a bit of your time and also possibly your finances
 
T

Tealseal

Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Mansfield
I think you have to think what you want from this relationship? From what you have written, there could be a danger that you might come to regard him as a sort of project rather than a friend or someone you can have a long-term relationship with.

If you decide to help him, then think about what practical help you can give him. This might involved quite a bit of your time and also possibly your finances
I was just trying to be understanding that’s all, I definitely wouldn’t use him as a project. I didn’t know it came off that way. I don’t bring up these things to him really I just listen when he talks about how he feels. Again, I really didn’t know that I came off that way.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
667
At the minute you are not treating him as a project, but as I said in my post, there is the danger of that happening in the future. I would not try to be a therapist or counsellor to this friend, but do practical things to help him. It can often appear unfair to friends and relatives to give this care as it is essentially one-way in nature.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
667
In the following video ( 4:30mins) there is an example of what I mean about practical help for someone who suffers from depression. I am not suggesting that you buy your friend a cow, but I think the concept is very relevant to people who want to help friends or relatives who have depression. The rest of the video is quite good as well. With thanks to @FallingLeaves for posting the video earlier today in another thread:
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
J Depressed friend ignoring me Depression Forum 6
Carol1952 I dont know what to do I feel so depressed because I feel like I am losing my best friend. Depression Forum 10
H Struggling to help my depressed friend, time to let go? Depression Forum 13
B Advice for depressed and suicidal friend Depression Forum 2
P In love with best friend and severely depressed Depression Forum 9
E Help a depressed friend. Depression Forum 3
P Depressed friend: is he pushing me away? Depression Forum 3
M HELP. depressed friend. Idk what to do. Depression Forum 4
X Advice For a friend of someone who is severely depressed Depression Forum 11
L Need a friend,so sooo depressed Depression Forum 7
E Need major help with severely depressed friend Depression Forum 4
N Would these be good things to say to a depressed friend? Depression Forum 2
P How to help a depressed friend without letting it ruin my life? Depression Forum 5
T My best friend and I are having issues because of my PTSD Depression Forum 1
B I fear for my friend Depression Forum 7
C I lost my mother a girl i was dating and my best friend Depression Forum 1
K Don’t want to talk to my friend Depression Forum 2
midnightphoenix Suicidial friend Depression Forum 93
R I don't know how to help my friend Depression Forum 10
S I stopped sharing with my best friend of 9 years. Depression Forum 8
Emmy I’ll be your friend for awhile, if you’ll be my friend too. Depression Forum 29
O Friend told me he wanted to die a week before he actually did it Depression Forum 7
DistantOcean Losing A Friend Depression Forum 9
M Make up with friend. bad idea? Depression Forum 1
D Why does my close friend with depression shut me out - but keeps other people? Depression Forum 8
M Betrayal from a Close Friend Depression Forum 2
B How do I help my online friend? pls help! Depression Forum 12
J Need some advice about a friend. Depression Forum 1
H A friend Depression Forum 2
S I was a toxic friend (and I was vulnerable) Depression Forum 1
D Anybody wanna be my friend? Depression Forum 38
C My best friend is struggling with chronic depression Depression Forum 2
S How do i tell my best friend i never want to see him again? Depression Forum 46
M Dealing with friend with depression (also seeking for advice) Depression Forum 4
S Just venting about what happened with my friend Depression Forum 8
K Burdening a friend. Depression Forum 8
Coreen Lost a friend today Depression Forum 15
O I So Badly Want to Help My Friend Depression Forum 7
O How can I help a friend who cannot bring herself to take care of life stuff? Depression Forum 9
L Dealing with two terminally ill relatives but my Friend unsupportive that has depression Depression Forum 8
M Follow up to my friend post Depression Forum 45
M friend is suffering depression but is not getting help... what should i do? Depression Forum 18
J How to help a friend with severe depression and insecurities Depression Forum 2
A My suicidal friend is overly-dependent on me and I don't know how our friendship can go on? Depression Forum 9
C I'm in dire need of a real friend Depression Forum 113
K My friend worries me Depression Forum 1
M Helping a friend Depression Forum 5
G Helping a friend with depression Depression Forum 10
R Accepting my friend is gone forever hurts so much Depression Forum 4
J How to help a friend with depression Depression Forum 1

Similar threads

Top