I think life is just not worth the bother.

[scooby1001]

I really did not know what to put as a heading and this just summed up how i feel. I have been battling depression/voices for the last 30 years and i am just sick of it all. I have tried sooooo many different tablets(anti-depressants/anti-phychotics) but life never changes for the better. I have two children and just drag myself through each day. I am tired but can't sleep because there is whispering in the walls which keep me awake. I am supposed to be looking after my 11 year old disabled daughter but can't even look after myself. My mum moans that she is not being fed right,she is not washed properly and her hair is a mess. Every time i see my mum she complains about what i am not doing right. I am so upset all the time as it seems nothing i do is right. I wonder why i bother to keep dragging myself through each day. My daughter would obviously be better off with someone else. I have stopped going out because everybody hates me and the voices keep telling me i have to kill myself. I have stopped seeing my psych. as i have stopped taking the medication as they have been filled with poison, and i have stopped seeing the therapist because she was using me as an experiment for the goverment and i caught on so told her i was not coming back. I want to die but then everyone will hate me even more. Sorry to rant but i just want it all to end.

 

[lucid scream]

theres few things that can wreck your week like too much stress, eh?
i know. having mental issues doesnt help.
i often think the same as youve described, at least if i offed myself my family would be guaranteed social security.
but i know they would miss me. i cant imagine a worse hell than being on the 'other side', if its there, and watching my family missing me and knowing ill never be able to hug them again.
just hang on with all you have.