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I think ive settled, have a few questions, any advice?

Wheelie Bin Barry

Wheelie Bin Barry

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
506
Location
North of The Wall
Well, it looks like I've come back to earth at last, the medicine has worked, though it's clear that my autism, or whatever it is thats limiting the comprehensive capacity of my mind, is permanent, it's not going anywhere, so I guess I'll just need to learn how to live with being a little bit slower than everyone else.

But I have decided that being depressed all the time isnt doing me any good, nothing I can do about chemical episodes outside of my control, but as for the rest of the time, I think I'd like to finally find some peace and self acceptance, I think for the most part, I've finally managed to put the past behind me, for the most part, so it's time to work on the present I think.

With that in mind, I'd like to find a few things I can do, to make my life a little better, a little happier, a little more fulfilling.

To preface that, I dont have the brain power to do anything requiring smarts of any sort, and as it turns out, my mind is too childish to write anything decent, poeticly or otherwise, of any real qaulity, so that's out the window too.

If you have work suggestions, keep this in mind, I have been fired from every job I ever had in the last 12 years, I cant work with more than one or two people realistically, dealing with the public is out of the question, I have no skills, little education, my autism prevents good understanding between myself and others, I cant do anything requiring any real skill as I'm dumb and clumsy, and as it stands, I barely have the strength or energy to leave my bed, also, chances are I'll be fired from whatever the job is within months due to mental illness, so all suggestions are welcome, but lets be honest, the work I'm able to do long term, pretty much needs to be the one existing unicorn fit just for me, if such exists at all that is.

So moving on from such unrealistic fantasy, atleast at this stage for just now, how do I improve myself, but enjoy myself at the same time, what sort of hobbies would you reccomend along similair lines to the previous criteria, for someone like me.

So far, I like to cook at home, trying different cuisines, so I'll keep that up I think, but I also like reading, learning in general, interesting documentaries, etc, I like nature and forests when the weather is good, or misty too as that's pretty cool, I like animals, real animals though, fluffy, nothing that creeps, crawls, or otherwise slithers lol, i have an interest in martial arts, and enjoyed both boxing and muay thai, but I dont have the energy to keep it up just now, and my somewhat slower reaction times can put me at a disadvantage when sparring, I like travel to some extent, not to exotic or dangerous places, more to qauint towns, villages, and countryside, places with unique beauty, history, and folklore, etc, and perhaps architecturally interesting to some extent.

I played around with the idea of visiting such places as a blogger, taking pictures, and writing short stories or poems about such, but let's be honest, I wouldnt be any good at it, though it could be an interesting blog style hobby to do for amusement, I like camping, and learning or developing survival skills, but to be honest, I'm afraid of the dark to some extent, not in the city, but forests at night creep me out, and I cant seem to work up the courage to camp out in the wilderness by myself, fishing is boring to me, I'll only do that to eat if I need to, and I'm like a squeamish little girl when it comes to gutting them lol, I'll do it, but I'm not accustomed to it as of yet, I enjoyed motor biking in the mountains when I tried it, but due to balance issues, I'm not that comfortable at speed on rough terain, and nearly went over the edge of a mountain, when my front brake lever got stuck, i had to shift down the gears, to slow myself down enough with engine breaking, just to make the tight turn without disaster, and it was a close call, so I'm probably more of a slow roadster if anything, than a wild off roader with a dirt bike, I do like the idea of travelling route 66 though, but doing it alone just wouldnt be the same as doing it with a companion or two, I've always loved the idea of being a trucker in north America, as my own boss, living in a house on wheels, with a cat or dog, and travelling about, but my eyesight is pretty bad, I was registered with vision problems, I'm short sighted, so I'm not sure I can even pass the test.

my favourite job to date was being a bin man, simple, easy work, good pay, but getting up at 5 am, and getting busses across town to start at 6, is tough with insomnia, I may be able to do it, but some drivers expect you to read a map and plan the route, I'm not sure I have the smarts or know the city well enough to plan 10 hours of pick ups, but advice on how to learn or improve on that are welcome, as such might just be within my means with some education or practice, and satnavs seem to be completely unreliable in city limits and the outskirts, atleast for that type of work, with regard to small buisnesses and unregistered premises etc, the satnavs I tried were anyway.

perhaps I could work at a checkout in a small supermarket, thats simple enough, sit on your backside scanning and working the machine, but they have started using online tests, that i can never seem to pass well enough to get an interview.

I have a little interest, or rather, I'm curious, about organic gardening or farming, but the jobs in that line of work are seasonal, I'm not interested in that at all, and I neither have the money or intelligence to run my own farm, though if i had I both, I have pondered the idea of a small eco friendly market garden, or a camping / self catering holiday cabin sort of place, maybe with some chickens and sheep etc, in my head I have a reasonable plan for how it would work, but I'd need a few acres in reasonably good land to start, and that's very expensive, not so much in Ireland, and I would consider moving, but that's years down the line, before I would be ready to give it a shot, should I ever decide to.

Anyway, that's a little about me, what sorts of simple / easy jobs would you reccomend, but primarily, what sort of simple / easy, but still relatively interesting and fulfilling hobbies, would you recommend, I'm open to trying most anything, so long as it is realistically within my means, and I'm open to further education too, but keep in mind, I'm no einstein, so the simpler the better, also, what do you enjoy?, what brings happiness or fulfilment into your life?, and what do you think could bring a little bit of happiness or fulfilment into mine?.

Lastly, I would be happy to meet a girl thats right for me, who I was also right for, one day, if possible, but I need to work on myself a little bit first, I'm not the worst looking person, a little bit of a belly at the moment, but I'm eating better, so with some aerobics in front of the laptop every now and then, I should get into a bit better shape, I'm kinda bearish though, so a healthy dad bod is probably most realistic, I used to like working out, and i've been pretty strong in good shape previously, but it's more effort than it's worth in my opinion, I'm not interested in being Hercules, my face is a little odd though, in the right light, at the right angle, it's not bad, maybe even ok, but I do have a lazy eye, and a bit of a silly look about me in general, my nose is fine, asides from the slight bump from the few times it's been broken, but that's barely noticable, it's mostly the somewhat guillable look about me, and my face is pointing out a bit, sort of like my face points slightly forward, or pulls from the centre of my head outward a bit, not majorly, but i can notice it when i see pictures of myself, also, I've decided i like having a beard, i look better with a beard anyway, and it fits the proportions of my face more, so that the previous complaint is much less noticable, but i dont really know how to groom it or maintain it myself, ive never bothered trying, so any tips reccomending a simple place on the web to learn would be appreciated, I've been told i have beautifal eyes a few times though, hazel, but with the lazy eye thats not really good enough, and i dont know how to stop my left eye from wandering when I'm tired, I'd show you a picture, one that I look reasonably handsome in, but I cant share it here, and a picture doesnt really reveal the flaws people notice in person very well, so although I look somewhat reasonably attractive in this photo, if I dont say so myself, at a dinner you would notice my one tooth that squints a little to an angle, my lazy eye, my slightly pointed face when viewed from the side, If I dont have a beard on at the time that is, and ofcourse, my silly or foolish character, which only gets worse at times when I'm mentally I'll.

I think if I could hold down a job, look after myself better, and find a way to work with the limited intelligence I have, I probably could find a girl with some effort, at least short term, as I've had a number of attractive girlfriends in the past, a few girls have even come on to me themselves every now and then, but the main problem is, I'm so noticeably different from everyone else, that longterm relationships never seem to work out in the end, and girls standards are trending towards being very high these days, even with everything else ive said aside, as an example, im 5.11, but thats no 6 foot is it, and I do not have any of the other 6xy figures either, that men seem required to have these days, plus, I seriously doubt many of them, if any, would want to be with someone who is on benefits, at least while I'm still on them, I do intend to get a job when I can, but in the meantime, that's detrimental enough on it's own, never mind having so many additional flaws as well, but anyway, what's meant for you, will not pass by you, it's often been said, so well see.

Regardless, any advice on how to improve myself, would be welcomed and appreciated, whether that is in a way to develop better social skills, develop ways to use the intelligence available to me, in such a way as to not be so of putting to people, some interesting hobbies, and or appropriate and suitable jobs, or anything else you think may benefit me, or anyone like me, who may or may not read of it in the comments, basically, starting from where I am, how do I improve, how do I support myself, and how do I find some fulfillment and happiness in my life, cheers, B.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,226
I think when it comes to well-being you can do a lot worse than looking at quality of life. Fill your day with things that uplift your mood, stretch you a little, and try and connect with others that share your interests, beliefs and values. All the time we are growing as people we are developing and not stagnant. It makes for a more fulfilling day and perhaps planning/setting goals for the future too. Hope this helps :)
 
S

Sugaree

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2021
Messages
486
Location
California
It’s great that you know the things you enjoy doing. You have a great outlook on your life and seem to accept your challenges. I say go for it! Start doing the activities you enjoy. Self acceptance is an achievement, I am still working on. Take advantage of life to it’s fullest.
 
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