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I think I need help, so I am here.

S

Smartbutdumb

Active member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
27
Location
India
Hello,
I am 25 years old and I think I have been suffering from depression. I never actually got diagnosed because I didn't want to have that disability on paper, so I can't even be sure that I have it. All I know is, the way I have been feeling can't be right and I need help, I think. I have exhausted my options. If there is anyone that can somehow... help me... that'd be nice, I think.
 
M

Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
Hello,
I am 25 years old and I think I have been suffering from depression. I never actually got diagnosed because I didn't want to have that disability on paper, so I can't even be sure that I have it. All I know is, the way I have been feeling can't be right and I need help, I think. I have exhausted my options. If there is anyone that can somehow... help me... that'd be nice, I think.
Welcome! :)
You replied on my introductory thread so the least I can do is try to offer some perspective. I'm almost 24 now, socially isolated beyond the point of normality given the current circumstances. I recently had to move back in with my parents, due to yet again miserably failing my academic aspirations. I think my failure is the result of a self fulfilling profecy. And my emotially hopeforsaken and numb state is not caused by said failure, on the contrary, it made functioning normally Impossible, as it already has been there before. I didn't manage to show up regularily due to fear of rejection stemming from bad experiences with bullying amongst other things.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, never took medication and did reasonably well in school, despite a lack of self-control but in a cognition test, which is all about fast reactions and intense focus, I appearently scored above average, so they think that most of my symptoms didn't carry over into adulthood.
I just have a shallow interest in pretty much everything. I don't really derive pleasure from anything. There are things I want in life but I'm oftentimes certain they are not acheivable because I see everything and everyone in this shade of gray, I doubt the pleasure derived from interacting with friends or the value of relationships or being "a productive contributor to society".
Maybe I deny myself all of that.
I didn't want to make this all about me, I just want you to know that you are not alone and I'm here to talk.
If I'm in a better mood I can actually give you advice, I've been
 
M

Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
struggling for many years and I have improved a lot in some areas. Just ask anything specific
 
S

Smartbutdumb

Active member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
27
Location
India
Welcome! :)
You replied on my introductory thread so the least I can do is try to offer some perspective. I'm almost 24 now, socially isolated beyond the point of normality given the current circumstances. I recently had to move back in with my parents, due to yet again miserably failing my academic aspirations. I think my failure is the result of a self fulfilling profecy. And my emotially hopeforsaken and numb state is not caused by said failure, on the contrary, it made functioning normally Impossible, as it already has been there before. I didn't manage to show up regularily due to fear of rejection stemming from bad experiences with bullying amongst other things.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, never took medication and did reasonably well in school, despite a lack of self-control but in a cognition test, which is all about fast reactions and intense focus, I appearently scored above average, so they think that most of my symptoms didn't carry over into adulthood.
I just have a shallow interest in pretty much everything. I don't really derive pleasure from anything. There are things I want in life but I'm oftentimes certain they are not acheivable because I see everything and everyone in this shade of gray, I doubt the pleasure derived from interacting with friends or the value of relationships or being "a productive contributor to society".
Maybe I deny myself all of that.
I didn't want to make this all about me, I just want you to know that you are not alone and I'm here to talk.
If I'm in a better mood I can actually give you advice, I've been
I think it actually feels nice to be able to finally talk to people who can relate. Even after I had made the post, I sincerely felt like a load was off of my chest. Some people were helpful and I did pursue the links they added, but they were dead ends. But yeah. Even though how You or I or anyone else in this forum is feeling isn't nice, I hope it's not bad that I feel glad that I am not completely alone in this.
 
S

Smartbutdumb

Active member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
27
Location
India
struggling for many years and I have improved a lot in some areas. Just ask anything specific
If I were to ask for specific things, I think I would want to know how to hold on to the moment you feel even a little better. For me, it's like, most days are terrible, but then there are some days where I wake up and I know it's not a bad day but I slowly spiral into it by the evening. So how do I hold on to the "It's not a bad day" feeling?
 
M

Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
If I were to ask for specific things, I think I would want to know how to hold on to the moment you feel even a little better. For me, it's like, most days are terrible, but then there are some days where I wake up and I know it's not a bad day but I slowly spiral into it by the evening. So how do I hold on to the "It's not a bad day" feeling?
I won't make it sound simple! You constantly have to be aware of thoughts and introjects sneaking in and try to actively replace them with more positive, or at least rational thoughts. If you succeed long term, your neural pathways will enable you to have a more stable mood. But if it's severe, it might not help.
I understand you are afraid of a stigma related to a mental health diagnosis, but at least mental health issues are more accepted than ever before and the benefits might vastly outweigh the downsides.
You should at least consider therapy, if your condition perseveres for long.
When you are down, it's crucial to be aware of all contributing factors, your past, your present external and internal circumstances.
It's important to know what contributes to your well- being, take a nice shower, try to force yourself to eat decent meals, listen to music... Maybe even reaching out on this forum. You have to tell yourself you are worthy of these things, otherwise the neural pathways leading to negative thought spirals are more traveled and easier activated.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
3,341
Location
Pyongyang, DPRK
Welcome! Give a shout if you need any help getting around the forum
:)
 
S

Smartbutdumb

Active member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
27
Location
India
Welcome! Give a shout if you need any help getting around the forum
:)
So far things have been Easy in here. But I'll remember to knock on you if I need something.
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
7,008
Location
Norway
Hi Smartbutdumb welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
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