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I think I may be schizophrenic

T

tangerine15

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Mar 9, 2020
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Illinois
I’ll try to sum it up quickly but I have dealt with mental health issues since I was 13 years old (I’m now 26), I’ve been on medication for depression and anxiety and in therapy since then. I have been inpatient twice in the past 6 years for suicidal plans. I feel like I may have kept important thoughts/experiences from my therapists over the years.

When I was a child I would wake up in the middle of the night and see a girl standing in my doorway, I have always been convinced that my old house was haunted and I was seeing a ghost.
I also frequently catch black shadows out of the corners of my eye. Those are the only hallucination type experiences i have had.
I have always been convinced that everyone hates me, as long as I can remember I am always sure that people are whispering about me, I always wrote this off as my social anxiety. I have lived in two apartments and have been convinced that my neighbors hate me and want me to move out (with little to no actual contact with them).
Recently I have been struggling even more than usual with everyday living and motivation, it takes a lot to get myself to shower or clean. I haven’t been able to do things I like or talk to people that I love, even though I want to , something feels like it’s holding me back. As time progresses it feels more and more like there is this black hole in my brain that sucks up my thoughts so I’m unable to think, it feels like I can’t access all of my thoughts.

anyway, do these experiences resonate with anyone? Or sound like schizophrenic experiences?
I also recently had neuropsych testing done that showed a high capacity for schizophrenia, it also runs in my family...
 
J

Jimathius

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Hello. I'm sorry you are going through such a horrible time. I suffered with similar problems for a few years which I just shrugged it off. That was not a good idea, at least for me.

I know people are worried about telling others how they feel but have you thought of trying to talk to a CPN about what you are feeling?? They may be able to get you a meeting with a consultant psychiatrist. I have gone to some and the decision was made for me to be put on Clozapine. It has really helped.

I'm sorry I don't want to make you feel pressured or make you feel anxiety about this. It just helped me in the past.

I hope you manage to get some release and feel a bit better in the future.

Take care.
 
calypso

calypso

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:welcome: to the forum. No-one on a forum can diagnose another person so I'm afraid we can't do that with you. Depression can cause all the above symptoms as well as other conditions. I think you need an accurate assessment by a pdoc and find out from them if you are in need of help more than you are getting at the moment.
 
fazza

fazza

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Hello. I'm sorry you are going through such a horrible time. I suffered with similar problems for a few years which I just shrugged it off. That was not a good idea, at least for me.

I know people are worried about telling others how they feel but have you thought of trying to talk to a CPN about what you are feeling?? They may be able to get you a meeting with a consultant psychiatrist. I have gone to some and the decision was made for me to be put on Clozapine. It has really helped.

I'm sorry I don't want to make you feel pressured or make you feel anxiety about this. It just helped me in the past.

I hope you manage to get some release and feel a bit better in the future.

Take care.
Wow.
Straight to clozapine?

Try and speak to you doctor as there are many things that this could be but naturally our minds tend to reach for the worst possible outcome.
 
J

Jimathius

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Wow.
Straight to clozapine?

Try and speak to you doctor as there are many things that this could be but naturally our minds tend to reach for the worst possible outcome.
Thank you for your concern but it wasn't straight to clozapine. It was about 9 years of trying other anti-psychotic medication which didn't work at all. However I was heavily addicted to stimulants at the time and smoked a lot of green. I'm two years and six months clean though.
Maybe it would be different now but clozapine seems to help more than the others. They prescribed that as a last resort because nothing else worked. I was having psychotic episodes all the time, severe ones that caused me to tool up and go out looking for what was hunting me. I'm glad I didn't meet anyone in those times because not only would they be dead, I'd probably be doing time for murder.

I didn't mean the original poster should ask for clozapine, it's just I managed to get that help through the Community Mental Health Team and was suggesting to try to get an appointment with a consultant that to identify what they are going through.

I'm sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.

Have a wonderful day.
 
fazza

fazza

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Thank you for your concern but it wasn't straight to clozapine. It was about 9 years of trying other anti-psychotic medication which didn't work at all. However I was heavily addicted to stimulants at the time and smoked a lot of green. I'm two years and six months clean though.
Maybe it would be different now but clozapine seems to help more than the others. They prescribed that as a last resort because nothing else worked. I was having psychotic episodes all the time, severe ones that caused me to tool up and go out looking for what was hunting me. I'm glad I didn't meet anyone in those times because not only would they be dead, I'd probably be doing time for murder.

I didn't mean the original poster should ask for clozapine, it's just I managed to get that help through the Community Mental Health Team and was suggesting to try to get an appointment with a consultant that to identify what they are going through.

I'm sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.

Have a wonderful day.
You have not overstepped at all.
I was just curious if you went straight to clozapine and i should have worded it better.
I used to be on clozapine and its a wonderfull drug but it hated my white cells.
 
T

tangerine15

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Mar 9, 2020
Messages
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Location
Illinois
:welcome: to the forum. No-one on a forum can diagnose another person so I'm afraid we can't do that with you. Depression can cause all the above symptoms as well as other conditions. I think you need an accurate assessment by a pdoc and find out from them if you are in need of help more than you are getting at the moment.
Thanks for re-iterating that no one can diagnose on the forum, I really just was interested if other people had experiences like this
 
T

tangerine15

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Illinois
Hello. I'm sorry you are going through such a horrible time. I suffered with similar problems for a few years which I just shrugged it off. That was not a good idea, at least for me.

I know people are worried about telling others how they feel but have you thought of trying to talk to a CPN about what you are feeling?? They may be able to get you a meeting with a consultant psychiatrist. I have gone to some and the decision was made for me to be put on Clozapine. It has really helped.

I'm sorry I don't want to make you feel pressured or make you feel anxiety about this. It just helped me in the past.

I hope you manage to get some release and feel a bit better in the future.

Take care.
Thank you for your response, at this point I don’t really know how to bring it up to my psychiatrist, it feels like I’ve been lying/withholding information throughout all of my treatment and I’m not really sure how to come out and share these experiences now. I feel like the girl who cried wolf because I was convinced I had ADHD and did neuropsych testing which proved I didn’t and I don’t want to be just over thinking things again
 
L

linus

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Eastern Europe
It doesn’t matter, this is about you, not them and they will help with the proper info
 
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