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I think I have Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder but my GP thinks it's GAD

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OntheBorderline

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 21, 2021
Messages
65
Location
WV USA
Hello. This is a late reply but I feel I can relate to you in some ways. Only with me it's a love of evenings and night time and a strong dislike of mornings and afternoons. I can relate to the dislike of noise and activity, and a main reason I hate daytime so much is the feeling that I have to be doing something. What's ironic though is that I like the two warmer seasons better than the colder ones though. I'm not quite sure how that is the case, but it is.
 
Emikin

Emikin

Active member
Joined
Jun 4, 2021
Messages
41
Location
Uk
This is quite difficult to write about since there is a lot I have to unpack, so I'll try my best.

Ever since I can remember I have disliked Spring and Summer and I adore Autumn and Winter. In March I notice the evenings getting lighter and I start to feel stressed out. I dislike the lighter evenings intensely and as the months go on I feel increasingly panicked and anxious. I get short-tempered and irritable in the light and feel like I want to run away. I feel exposed when the weather is lighter and like there is nowhere I can retreat to. The heat is bad but mostly it's the light. With the light comes the increase in noise outside and an increase in activity and social pressure to go and meet people. I can't focus when it's like this or do my work as well as I would like to. I am more productive and feel more empowered in Autumn and Winter or when it's cloudy during the day.

One of the things I dislike a lot is people commenting on the weather and saying how great it is. I am so in the minority with my opinion that I just put up with the comments but I secretly hate them. One of my most hated things in the world is picnics - it combines socialising outdoors in warm, light weather with an uncomfortable eating experience. I even dislike eating dinner indoors when it's light and I will push my mealtimes later and later in the summer till it's dark so I can eat. Ironically Midsummer's Day is not the worst day for me because at least then the light starts to diminish. The worst month of the year for me is May. I love Hallowe'en and Christmas but hate Easter.

When the days get lighter I also dislike the sounds of the birds in the early evening. I even dislike the words "sunny" or "sunshine", in fact I hate them. I love the Autumn and Winter because the darkness is comfortable and enveloping. I feel in control, protected, relieved, even spiritualised in the darkness. I have loved things which are 'dark' for as long as I can recall. I love dark films, I love dark music and art, all my clothing is black and all the furniture I buy is black.

I go through this feeling of hating the start of Spring and the onset of Summer every year so I spoke to my GP about it a few weeks ago. I said I thought I had a rare case of Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder. My GP said she thought it was more likely GAD and I am being sent to a psychiatrist soon for an assessment. They are also giving me level 3 CBT because they say I'm a complex case. I don't know what that means but I have had a history of depression [was prescribed Citalopram but didn't take it] and I get anxious about other things too - flying and social situations particularly. I also get very angry and am 'triggered' by all kinds of sounds like birds singing in the evening, people riding bikes, whistling, chewing, people filling water bottles, the absolute worst is people eating apples. I become so angry when people eat apples that I have to leave the room. I note that I made one post on this forum previously about five years ago and it was in the GAD forum, which is an interesting coincidence.

One of the things that makes this harder is that people think I'm a very happy person. I am not. But my temperament makes it much harder for me to convince people of what I go through, so I don't discuss it, which has a negative affect.

I am writing this post because I would love to read other peoples' opinions on what this could be. I think this SSAD thing is very real but if it is something else, like GAD, then at least I can work on how to mitigate it and deal with it better. I am not saying it definitely is GAD because I have no idea, but it must be something because I have had it all my life and I cannot put up with it any more. Of course I would just love to live in a dark environment the whole time but I can't do that. I need to learn how to deal with things.
I hate summer and bright lights to. Glad someone is the same. My bedroom doesn’t have windows as I hate light and love cold
 
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