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I think I am rotting inside. I am contemplating calling my psychiatrist, but feel like it's pointless

S

Sixari24

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Joined
Mar 15, 2021
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1
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Europe
TW: death and suicide mentions
I am 22yo female diagnosed with anxiety and BPD.

I wanted to call my psych today and ask her for some sleeping meds, as lately I haven't been sleeping. Instead I spent all day sitting here, staring at the wall. I've read some post on Facebook about woman with cancer slowly dying and the incredibly vulgar and disgusting thought occured to me: "I wish I was her. So close to peace. So close to being content."

Last few weeks ive been feeling like I am balancing my entire lifes worth. Thinking if it's been worth it - what could I have done better, or if I should have taken different path in life. It feels way more final thought. As if I was looking back at my life, knowing that there's no changing/improving/doing something else and just observing before leaving this earth.

My bf says everyone feels like this because of covid restrictions. I don't want to make myself into special snowflake, but I don't really think this is normal state of mind.

I am not suicidal per say. But this...feels like I am slowly dying from inside, and rotting at that.

That brings me back to wanting to call my psychiatrist today. Well, what can she even do? Prescribe me more meds so I'd feel even more distant and tired? Lock me in which I can't afford at all due to my job? Psychologists aren't taking new patients and I doubt they'd have solution for this. There's no solution. This is the only way my life was, is and ever will be and no amount of "happy vitamins" can change that - trust me, I tried. So is there even point in contacting my psychiatrist? How should I approach this situation? As I said, I am not actively suicidal. But it feels like I am sinking into some weird hole I've dug for myself.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Tigger and Willow's house UK
there is a point in contacting your psychiatrist, even if they do Zoom meetings with you it could help :hug:

You are worth a lot, i dont know you as a person but i felt you need to know that you are a special person :hug:
 
C

celticlass

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Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,392
Location
Scotland
Hi. I think you had better tell the Psychiatrist how you are feeling. The scenario you describe sounds very uncomfortable and hard for you to get through. Plus you have no way of knowing if these emotions will escalate.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,225
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Yes, please call your psychiatrist.
TW: death and suicide mentions
I am 22yo female diagnosed with anxiety and BPD.

I wanted to call my psych today and ask her for some sleeping meds, as lately I haven't been sleeping. Instead I spent all day sitting here, staring at the wall. I've read some post on Facebook about woman with cancer slowly dying and the incredibly vulgar and disgusting thought occured to me: "I wish I was her. So close to peace. So close to being content."

Last few weeks ive been feeling like I am balancing my entire lifes worth. Thinking if it's been worth it - what could I have done better, or if I should have taken different path in life. It feels way more final thought. As if I was looking back at my life, knowing that there's no changing/improving/doing something else and just observing before leaving this earth.

My bf says everyone feels like this because of covid restrictions. I don't want to make myself into special snowflake, but I don't really think this is normal state of mind.

I am not suicidal per say. But this...feels like I am slowly dying from inside, and rotting at that.

That brings me back to wanting to call my psychiatrist today. Well, what can she even do? Prescribe me more meds so I'd feel even more distant and tired? Lock me in which I can't afford at all due to my job? Psychologists aren't taking new patients and I doubt they'd have solution for this. There's no solution. This is the only way my life was, is and ever will be and no amount of "happy vitamins" can change that - trust me, I tried. So is there even point in contacting my psychiatrist? How should I approach this situation? As I said, I am not actively suicidal. But it feels like I am sinking into some weird hole I've dug for myself.
"This is the only way my life was, is and ever will be and no amount of "happy vitamins" can change that - trust me, I tried."

I don't think you can say for sure that this is how your life will ever be. That's emotional reasoning. Things can change in life for the better.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,471
Location
USA
Your bf is correct that COVID has exacerbated problem that already exist. If you were anxious before, you are REALLY anxious now. Same with depression. COVID had amplified the MH issues we already have.

But, I wouldn't just accept that and deal with it. I'd call a therapist and give it a try. If it turns out to be not effective as you want, at least you explored that avenue.

This has been a REALLY nasty year, many millions of people around the world are on edge. You have a lot of company. But that's no reason why you yourself should not seek some means to alleviate your pain and discomfort a little bit. Take the initiative and contact a good therapist. If nothing else you can share your feelings with someone-and that is always a good idea.
 
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