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I think I’ve ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had...

S

Someb1ackguy

Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2020
Messages
5
Location
USA
I’m sad and don’t know what to do😔


We started seeing each other about 4 months ago. Our first date was to go see the movie “Joker” we had met through tinder. She picked me up and we had the whole movie theater to ourselves and were able to recline our seats and enjoy the movie while just being just overall goofy with each ofther. Fast forward to the next time we hung out a week later. We decided to watch the lion king which was a terrible idea we both fell asleep 😂 I decided that it was time for bed she instantly jumped on top of me as soon as I went to lay down. Now I wasn’t the one to initiate sex and was dominated honestly and I loved every minute of it it was a change of pace and amazing. She never was able to have multiple orgasms before me and that was the first time it happened. Right after that all I wanted to do was hold her and never let go and she wrapped around me with her legs and body. I’ve never been more connected with someone ever in my life. Now over the course of 3 months we spent every weekend together (Friday-Monday morning). I learned that she was dealing with a conflict with her and her head and wouldn’t really open up putting her feelings to the side until one day she got really drunk and opened up to me and it was the only time she would ever open up was when she was drunk or under the influence of cocaine. I don’t drink or partake but I didn’t judge her at all but, I became frustrated with the fact that’s the only way she would be more open with me but I understood. Everything was cool until she told me she loved me and I felt that soul connection she even told me she had plans to move and be closer to me. That all changed her cousin had gone thru a rough breakup and needed a roommate to help her with bills and such so she decided to take responsibility for it and help out her cousin. I didn’t see her for 4 weeks and we had made plans to spend New Years together and when the time came she forgot about me and I told her I hope she has fun and enjoys herself but felt I was kinda rude....so I apologized for feeling like she was obligated to hang out with me on a holiday and she snapped at me and told me I don’t want a relationship right now it’s too much when she just told me she loved me and wants a future with me I was hurt and told her when she wants to be friends again my door is open. She ended up coming back saying she was sorry and wanted to remain close to me and said she was coming back but, she couldn’t go back to how things were. She told me she can’t do feelings and life wasn’t the best for her. Now she had flaked on me before and I let it go then it happened again.
She told me she had a mental problem and thought she was bipolar. Here’s where instead of saying I understand I’ll be here. I told her that when she gets her life on tract in this time she should go she a psychiatrist because the fact you feel so disconnected to everything is a sign of a mood disorder. She blocked me and I got mad so I said something hurtful that I can’t take back. I miss her so much and it’s only been a couple days I know I’ll never get her back but I was only being honest because I myself am bipolar so I get it. I feel so empty right now I’ve never loved anyone like this in my entire life. I don’t know what to do...


Another thing was i always tried to show her love in my own way since ive never been in love. I would make sure when she was here I pampered her the whole time from giving her full body massages, cooking for her when she got off work and when she spent the weekend over. Waking up at 5 am when she had to work to make her coffee and make breakfast to take with her. Washing her clothes and work clothes all the time. When she would want to drink I’d be her own driver so she was always safe with me. My hands would cramp from how much I massaged her but I’d fight through it. We never argued or got into fights. It just hurts I tried to be the best person I could be to her.
 
Luci

Luci

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 15, 2019
Messages
572
Location
England
I'm sorry you feel hurt ♡
Things progressed very quickly, this girl obviously very much enjoyed everything you did for her, but for her to drop it so quickly isn't a good sign. Whether or not she has a mood disorder it is not ok to treat people like this. Overall (although it is not going to be what you want to hear) I think you have had a lucky escape so so speak. There are signs in what you have said that this would have potentially turned into a toxic relationship. You may not have felt this way before, but believe me when I say you will feel it again ♡ and with someone who will commit fully to you the way you do to them. Value yourself and let it go. Don't leave the 'door open', this just opens you up to more hurt and gives her the signal that she can come and go as she pleases and you will tolerate her behaviour. You're worth more than that ♡
I hope this helps some?
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,622
Location
North Carolina
This reads to me as not being your fault in anyway. You were a goid bf and shes the one who put distance between you and you just tried to be supportive. Her bipolar could have played into her being so foward and then standoffish as well. It sounds like it would have been unstable in long run anyway. I think its best to let her go and know you did your best. Their is someone else out there !
 
S

Someb1ackguy

Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2020
Messages
5
Location
USA
I'm sorry you feel hurt ♡
Things progressed very quickly, this girl obviously very much enjoyed everything you did for her, but for her to drop it so quickly isn't a good sign. Whether or not she has a mood disorder it is not ok to treat people like this. Overall (although it is not going to be what you want to hear) I think you have had a lucky escape so so speak. There are signs in what you have said that this would have potentially turned into a toxic relationship. You may not have felt this way before, but believe me when I say you will feel it again ♡ and with someone who will commit fully to you the way you do to them. Value yourself and let it go. Don't leave the 'door open', this just opens you up to more hurt and gives her the signal that she can come and go as she pleases and you will tolerate her behaviour. You're worth more than that ♡
I hope this helps some?
Thank you so much it does and made me open my eyes. I was able to speak my peace through a mutual friend. I told her I didn’t mean to lash out and apologized if you are willing to just drop me after one mistake then you aren’t worth it at all. You are right it may not be what I want to hear right now but, it’s the truth I’ll never not appreciate the truth. ❤
 
S

Someb1ackguy

Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2020
Messages
5
Location
USA
This reads to me as not being your fault in anyway. You were a goid bf and shes the one who put distance between you and you just tried to be supportive. Her bipolar could have played into her being so foward and then standoffish as well. It sounds like it would have been unstable in long run anyway. I think its best to let her go and know you did your best. Their is someone else out there !
That’s all I can do I gave one hundred percent and didn’t hold back at all. Yea just in the right now hurts but, I know in the future I’ll be fine it’s just rough. I’ll always try to remain hopeful.
 
Luci

Luci

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 15, 2019
Messages
572
Location
England
I got stuck in a toxic relationship for 5 years. I let the bloke make a complete fool of me.... I wish I had the strength and confidence to ask for advice in the start and maybe I wouldn't have ended up in the mess I'm in now.... please value yourself and what a good BF you will be for the right person. I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone ❤
 
S

Someb1ackguy

Member
Joined
Jan 21, 2020
Messages
5
Location
USA
I got stuck in a toxic relationship for 5 years. I let the bloke make a complete fool of me.... I wish I had the strength and confidence to ask for advice in the start and maybe I wouldn't have ended up in the mess I'm in now.... please value yourself and what a good BF you will be for the right person. I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone ❤
You are a warrior who will survive this storm as well ❤️. I was happy and she complimented my happiness but, I wandered for a little and stopped taking my medication and got lost I’m back grounded now. You don’t deserve to be made a fool out of you ever and be treated like trash nobody does ever.
 

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