i think i’m relapsing and I don’t know what to do.

ninarose

ninarose

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#1
Hey guys i’m at work and my manager that i haven’t seen for a while is here and she told me that i look really skinny and acted really surprised. i’ve always been lean because an eating disorder has always been a part of my life but i’ve been doing pretty good until lately. my girlfriend and i broke up with me so my eating has been not as great as i wish it could be. very sad and trying but usually not succeeding with eating enough. i guess hearing my manager say that made me excited in a gross way. i don’t want to shrink back into how tiny i was but some sick part of me thrives on “compliments” like that. i think i’m relapsing and i don’t know what to do.i miss my girlfriend but i also miss how good i could take care of myself when i had the encouragement of a loving partner.
 
HauntedWitch

HauntedWitch

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#2
i don’t want to shrink back into how tiny i was but some sick part of me thrives on “compliments” like that.
I know what you mean. A large part of my mind wants to be anorexic again. I am overweight now, and I feel like a better, cleaner person without the fat.

If you know what your GP recommends for a healthy weight for you, you could try to switch your focus from being thinner to focusing on being healthier instead.
 
daffy

daffy

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#3
Hi @ninarose are you getting any treatment for your eating disorder because until you accept it as a problem you won’t overcome it. You can be doing all sorts of damage to your body that you won’t realise until later on. Please see a professional and get some help
 
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Jules5

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#4
I go into deep bouts of not eating properly. It is usually caused by a stressor this last one has been because I gained so much weight with the new medication they prescribed. The medication is working to relief my mental issues bit I also gained over 2 1/2 stones. Right now I just cooked supper for everyone and I am very pleased they are not asking me to eat as they normally do. This way I feel okay about not eating. I might eat very little in a day and still have not lost all the weight yet 7 pounds to go and I will feel better. Just do not know if I have to keep up on not eating to maintain weight I hate medications They win every time. Hugs to all
 
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ninarose

ninarose

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#5
Hi @ninarose are you getting any treatment for your eating disorder because until you accept it as a problem you won’t overcome it. You can be doing all sorts of damage to your body that you won’t realise until later on. Please see a professional and get some help
thank you for your concern, this has been an ongoing thing for me for years and i have a therapist and a psychiatrist that i see regularly, but i’m beginning to wonder if i need extra help. i just don’t know what other resources i could use that aren’t crazy expensive
 
ninarose

ninarose

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North Carolina
#6
I go into deep bouts of not eating properly. It is usually caused by a stressor this last one has been because I gained so much weight with the new medication they prescribed. The medication is working to relief my mental issues bit I also gained over 2 1/2 stones. Right now I just cooked supper for everyone and I am very pleased they are not asking me to eat as they normally do. This way I feel okay about not eating. I might eat very little in a day and still have not lost all the weight yet 7 pounds to go and I will feel better. Just do not know if I have to keep up on not eating to maintain weight I hate medications They win every time. Hugs to all

i understand the mindset you’re in and while i understand how easy it is to be comfortable with irregular and unhealthy eating habits that doesn’t mean they’re ok. you are undoubtedly a beautiful person with a loving family and since you’re on medication you must want to feel better, and i’m telling you now giving into your ED will not make you feel better in the long run. it’s a disease that doesn’t let you feel worthy of anything until you’re skinny and it’s not something to please it’s something to say fuck you to. i hope you’re healthy and i hope your medication works and i hope you try to improve your eating habits because eating very little in a day is starving yourself and you deserve better than that.
 
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ninarose

ninarose

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North Carolina
#7
I know what you mean. A large part of my mind wants to be anorexic again. I am overweight now, and I feel like a better, cleaner person without the fat.

If you know what your GP recommends for a healthy weight for you, you could try to switch your focus from being thinner to focusing on being healthier instead.
very true!! i want to try going to the gym because that would make it easier for me to eat and also would make me feel more productive. also what does GP mean?
 
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Mary26

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#9
Have you ever read "The Odyssey"? Well when Odysseus passes the island of the Sirens he has his crew tie him to the mast and tells them don't let me loose no matter how much I beg. That resonated with me because the island is littered with skeletons of people who were so entranced by the song that they couldn't break away and died there. Great metaphor for the eating disorder. so when I relapsed I"tied myself to the mast". I put myself on a rigid meal plan and stuck with it no matter what--depressed, not hungry--didn't matter. I ate anyway because I figured the eating disorder can't have power over me as long as I stick to the meal plan despite the thoughts and sure enough, after a while I did sail past "the Sirens" in tact, meaning those destructive thoughts eventually passed.
 

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