I talk over people unintentionally

[jjusa]

This is the biggest struggle that I have with social anxiety: Talking over people and talking FAST. I tend to talk a lot and talk over people I get nervous around. It's not intended to be disrespectful. This usually happens around people who are emotionally unavailable, unresponsive, or just flat out doesn't care what I have to say... which is interesting. Yet at the same time, I have no sense of awareness and will just overshare things I shouldn't. Obviously oversharing with someone who is not your friend or has no interest in you can make the entire situation very awkward. More likely then not, there will be no connection there and it will scare people away. Yet I still do it, and I kind of do it like I am a child desperately trying to get the attention of a parent. I want connection yet when the moment comes, I self-sabotage.

Unfortunately talking over and interrupting people during conversations has prevented me from actually connecting and I am not aware that I am doing this when it is happening. I think I talk over people and in a very fast manner to appear that I have excellent social skills. However, I just end up failing to emotionally connect. Then I ruminate and feel regret after-the-fact. I am perfectly fine interacting with friends and family. I have improved a lot in communicating at work. I dread phone calls, but not as much as I used to. I am successful when working with others. Yet when it comes to romance and interacting with intimidating people, or just being in a social situation, it's a hard I can't do it. I still feel like I am a child, but inside of an adult body.

 

[jajingna]

I can understand this. For me this occurs more with my brother and he does it too. The anxiety and awkwardness never seem to go away and it makes communication a mess. It's bothered me at times such that I just don't want to talk to him much. We interrupt each other, don't listen to what the other is saying, don't do eye contact, say awkward things, it's really just an old pattern I'm sick of but that anxious/awkward feeling is there every time. For me family is the worst. That was the breeding ground for this awful discomfort.

 

[jjusa]

Now that I think about it family was definitely one of the biggest causes, especially my dad. I take what I said about family. My dad always made me uncomfortable just being in his presence. He is very awkward, doesn't make eye contact with me - and when he does it's very very awkward and makes me feel uncomfortable being in the same room as him. I understand exactly how you feel. Family can be the root of so many of our issues.

 

[jajingna]

My parents were both weird. Lots of mental illness. That did not help create a family of great communicators. They didn't like each other but had seven sons anyway. Every one has had mental health problems. Lots of alcoholism too. Seems like social anxiety was the only reasonable outcome for me. It's been there my whole life.

 

[jjusa]

I feel like I’m in the right place. Like you @jajingna i have parents with serious mental illness. Alcoholism on both sides. Depression on both sides. My mom has Bipolar II disorder, PTSD, and codependency issues. Dad I’m pretty sure has no empathy for people. Parents didn’t like each other but stayed together because they wanted their kids to grow up “normal.” That turned out well. Lol