I suffer from severe depression HELP!!

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Jwh96

New member
Joined
Oct 27, 2018
Messages
2
Hi guys I am new to this whole forum malarcy I don't feel like I can go through therapy so a friend recommend this so here I go. I have suffered depression for the last five years in silence I suppose it all started when I lost an ex girlfriend at that time it was only mild( hell u wish I could go back to mild deppression) Any way I was in a serious relationship and so serious i decided I wanted to marry her and every thing was good and perfect when we were together it was amazing it was like I could tell her anything and all of my problems and they were nothing because she was by my side but before I asked the question she decided I wasn't enough and she started to cheat on me she even slept with my friends behind my back the only way I found out was that she gave me an std. After that I was devastated I even considered taking my own life at one point but I didn't. Then after time past I met someone else who I loved just as much and we had a baby girl together but 2 days after she was born she decided that due to my past which by no means am I proud of that I wasn't fit to raise so she got a restraining order against me so I can't see my daughter until she is 18 and wants to see me. Which I Doubt she will as he mother will have filled her head with lies about me telling her about my past and the bad stuff I did not telling her that the second I found out she was pregnant I came clean from drugs stoped drinking and smoking got a full time job and cut all ties with my past life the second she was conceived. (He'll if I heard that as a kid I most likely never would wants to meet my dad). So I most likely will never see my kid again and all I went to do is wake up everyday walk in to her room and see her sleep til her in at night give a goodnight kiss and all the other stuff most parents take for granted like when they take there first steps, speakthere first word the excitement they have when they go on there first date. Seeing that face when you walk them down there aisle and they see there partner standing at the end of the aisle as you give them away on there wedding day. Now she would be 4 and a half years old. It kills me every day to know I can't see her. So I have been struggling with that the past 5 years and now the recent event that has literally tipped me over the edge my closest and best friend of 10 years just past away last night after he was going through a rough time after his sister past away and he decided to take some drugs to ease the pain but the drugs he took were laced with something that caused him to have a reaction which caused him to pass out and when the paramedics arrived the couldn't resusitate him. And he was the one person who I could talk to about everything and knew everything about me and still stood by my side. Now he has gone i feel like I am torn In half like he was my rock no matter how bad things got I could go to him no matter what the time even if he had work at 4am he would still pick up the phone at midnight and talk to me til 3 am he as my rock so to speak and no he has gone i feel myself falling apart and I just don't know what to do like this is a terrible thing to say but I would rather bury my parents than him. No he is gone it's like part of me has gone to. And I just know how to move on past this like I can't even go to his funeral as his parents think cud of my past with drug stay I told him to take drugs when I was the only one telling him not to and they told me not to turn up to the funeral as I'm not welcome so I can't even say good bye to him so I don't know how to move on like he was my brother and I would of done anything for him hell I would even kill myself if it meant he could come back to life. So I'm just so lost and alone right now and crying out for help.
Anywa6 thanks to anyone who read this and would seriously appreciate and one who messages back just to know there is more people out there would be a real help right know.

Kind regards Anonymous
 
J

Jwh96

New member
Joined
Oct 27, 2018
Messages
2
Like I'm exhausted rn I don't know how to move on and to make matters worse I have developed insomnia recently so I don't even sleep anymore so I quess you could say I'm a mess.
 
C

clarabow

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 4, 2011
Messages
225
Location
South-East
You are a father , you have a reason to stay alive. If you get your act together you may be able to see your daughter sooner rather than later. Use that as your motivation.
 
Tired Daisy

Tired Daisy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
12,141
Location
5,437 miles from Hollywood
Dangit stay alive your daughter will need you in her life. I know it may be harder having a daughter than a son because shes open to the bad world of things but hell stay alive for her, be the dad she needs.

I understand things are hard but in the end she'll be grateful that she has a good father and I know that things may not be good right now but you have the time to get your life together. Hang on in there. Time heals all.
 
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