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I So Badly Want to Help My Friend

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oreopanda123

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Maryland
First off, sorry I don't actually have depression. I joined this forum because my best friend in the whole world has depression, and I really want to help her, but I just don't know what to do. I'll do my best to explain the situation in as few words as possible.
My friend has depression, she's often really negative, she's always saying she's ugly and fat and won't believe anyone who says differently, she eats very little a day claiming she isn't hungry just because she thinks she's fat, and she's constantly saying she wants to die.
My eyes were recently opened more fully to her condition when I went on a 3-day trip with her. I learned of her eating disorder, and 2 or 3 times her depression really struck her to the point that she would remain silent and avoid people for about 2 hours straight. Twice I was sitting next to her on a bus while she was like this, and I could tell that she was crying but doing her best to hide it. I felt so helpless I even nearly started to cry myself. It really hurts me knowing she's struggling and no matter what I do, nothing seems to help.
I would walk to the end of the earth for this girl if I knew it would bring her even the tiniest bit of hope. She means the world to me, and I'd do anything to see her happy. I really appreciate the time you've taken to read this, and know that any thoughts or words of advice would help. Thank you!
 
Parayana

Parayana

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
2,389
@oreopanda123, your alreasy doing something for her by being her friend, perhaps you should gently broach the subject with her without stating directly that you think she's depressed if she's trying to hide it. It may take some time but gently coax it out of her - perhaps start with "Are you feeling OK? You just look a bit down. I'm only asking because I care about you and wondered if there is anything I can do to cheer you up."

I've suffered with depression as well as schizophrenia and have been suicidal but medication, cutting out booze and taking up meditation helped me and I haven't had a bout of prolonged depression in years, but when I did talking to someone who I felt cared and understood really helped. Hope my advice has been some use. :).
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
5,899
Location
hiding behind the sofa
It’s rare to find a friend that has empathy like yours. Try as @Parayana says and try and coax it out of her. Tell her you won’t be shocked or make fun of whatever she says but you just want to be able to help her. Maybe do a little research on MH and see if you can get some kind of understanding of what she’s going thru.I’ve only got a couple of friends that I can be truly honest with and it does really help to be able to talk openly about how your feeling.
 
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oreopanda123

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Maryland
Thank you, @daffy and @Parayana! The thing with my friend, though, is that she's very open in telling her friends that she has depression. To be honest, for awhile I didn't realize she meant it because she often talks about wanting to die or hating life. I feel bad saying this, but I kinda just thought she was bored. But then eventually one day I asked if she actually has depression, and she told me she does. She admitted to me that it's a horrible aching that's always there, even when she's laughing and seems happy. Saddened by this realization, I asked if she'd tried therapy or antidepressants. She said she had, but neither did anything. Not knowing what else to say, I told her that I love her and will always be there, and she shouldn't give up hope. Another thing about my friend is that she rejects most kind words, including mine. She has difficulty trusting people because she's been betrayed in the past, and at this point she's given up on ever finding happiness again.
I'm really lost on what to do. I've tried researching as best I can, but I don't know what else to do for her. I'll continue to love and support her, but above all, I just want to see her happy. I want her to believe that she's beautiful and that there's good in this world, and I want her to love life for what it is. I just wish I knew exactly what I could do to help her.
 
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oreopanda123

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Maryland
Sounds like being a caring friend is enough then @oreopanda123.
Thank you, @Parayana. Sorry, I know I shouldn’t be so stressed out about helping her. She feels like she’s my responsibility when she shouldn’t be. I’ll try my hardest to just be the best friend I can be to her. Thanks!
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,395
Location
London
This will end 2 ways you bring it up and she gets help or the most likely case she goes off at you and will sort of be a leech and drag you down at dome point if she doesnt want the help it will have a effect on you

Didnt you already make a thread before ?
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,488
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
All you can do is be there for her, she has to be the one to get help, it does sound like she maybe didn't give therapy or meds long enough to start to work or maybe she had the wrong therapist for her :hug:
 
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