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I smiled at beautiful lady yesterday :) But I just need some advice on this....

A

Abrilliantmind

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So for a guy who has had anxiety from pretty much the day I was born. At least that's how I feel.

Yesterday as I was entering the gym I smiled at a girl I found beautiful. It may not be a big deal but for a 22 year old virgin, that's a breakthrough. For the past 5 years I have frozen at the point I make eye contact with a woman.

Now, yesterday even though I smiled. I could still feel myself freezing up. And usually when this happens I would just turn away and miss the opportunity.

My question is how can I stop freezing up?

I do understand that I have had the fear of rejection. But is there more to it or not?

Thank you :)🙏
 
jajingna

jajingna

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How to stop freezing up? I don't know. If anyone knew for real, it would be a great thing that could help so many people.
 
Z

Zoe1

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one way around that is to realise that most people are not confident
although they might pretend to be as a front
its normal to feel shy in the presence of someone you dont know
especially if you admire them

you could try saying hello and walk on
dont expect much from someone you dont know
unless they smile back and seem interested
 
Avolitionist

Avolitionist

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I would think just practicing smiling at everyone would be a good place to start. That way you have the muscle memory formed when it's a higher stakes smile. Practice, practice, practice.

:)
 
A

Anxietyhell

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It's natural to fear rejection, but try not to overthink everything.. Be self aware, and smiling is good.. Most people will warm to a smile, its inviting and makes people feel a bit special.. Just try not to make the mistake that if a girl you find "beautiful" smiles back - it's necessarily going to lead to anything more than a smile.. But it's a start, your confidence will increase and you will feel more comfortable... Just be yourself, and don't pretend to be what you are not or cannot be.. You will find you will attract people that are good and right for you, not ones that may have a negative impact
 
Maitri

Maitri

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So for a guy who has had anxiety from pretty much the day I was born. At least that's how I feel.

Yesterday as I was entering the gym I smiled at a girl I found beautiful. It may not be a big deal but for a 22 year old virgin, that's a breakthrough. For the past 5 years I have frozen at the point I make eye contact with a woman.

Now, yesterday even though I smiled. I could still feel myself freezing up. And usually when this happens I would just turn away and miss the opportunity.

My question is how can I stop freezing up?

I do understand that I have had the fear of rejection. But is there more to it or not?

Thank you :)🙏
How to stop?

Maybe simply realising that some girls would actually be attracted to a man "freezing up" somewhat, rather than a man who for some absurd reason is totally full of themselves and think themselves the best catch in the world.

:)
 
A

Anxietyhell

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How to stop?

Maybe simply realising that some girls would actually be attracted to a man "freezing up" somewhat, rather than a man who for some absurd reason is totally full of themselves and think themselves the best catch in the world.

:)
Very true!! I was always drawn and more attracted to the quieter /shy types...If a male walked in appearing full of himself, even if he looked wonderful it would put me right off...
 
B

basil and oregano

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My question is how can I stop freezing up?

I do understand that I have had the fear of rejection. But is there more to it or not?
First of all, congratulations on breaking a smile! It may seem like something small, but small steps lead us atop the highest hills.

To answer your question, I do believe there's more to it. In my opinion, you have to ask yourself: "what exactly am I afraid of?". Personally, I don't think it's something obvious - one can of course answer "I am afraid of rejection", but that's not really an answer, that doesn't tell you anything new, because the next question would immediately be "Why am I afraid of rejection? What exactly is it within this broad term that causes me the most distress?"

In other words, I think there's a very specific event that you are unconsciously trying to avoid. Finding out what this catastrophic event is, why you fear it, since when you've been carrying it within you, all of that can help you overcome your anxieties.

After all, fear is a response to threat.

(Needless to say, I am not a professional and all of the above are based on my own personal judgement.)
 
A

Abrilliantmind

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Thanks for the reply.

You see, when it comes to women. I have never been severely rejected. As in I give a girl flowers and she dashes in my face or something like that.

That would be an egoistic woman anyway, and I wouldn't want anything to do with her if that happened.

Point being I do find it difficult to figure "Why I fear rejection" because I have not had a really embarrassing scenario.

Hang out a minute, maybe the answer is being afraid of embarrassment?

Because I know my worth. I'm handsome, I try to improve myself daily, I take responsibility and I have ambition.

So I think I just fear embarrassment.
 
B

basil and oregano

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Athens, Greece
Thanks for the reply.

You see, when it comes to women. I have never been severely rejected. As in I give a girl flowers and she dashes in my face or something like that.

That would be an egoistic woman anyway, and I wouldn't want anything to do with her if that happened.

Point being I do find it difficult to figure "Why I fear rejection" because I have not had a really embarrassing scenario.

Hang out a minute, maybe the answer is being afraid of embarrassment?

Because I know my worth. I'm handsome, I try to improve myself daily, I take responsibility and I have ambition.

So I think I just fear embarrassment.
Two words: keep going.

See, there's depth to this. Keep searching.

That's what I've been doing.

... in a way, isn't it exciting?! 😁
 
A

Anxietyhell

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Your name on here "Abrilliantmind" if referring to yourself? Implies you have a large degree of self confidence in ways.. But being knowledgeable/intelligent /good looking etc isn't always going to make a person succesful or appealing to the opposite sex, it takes other attributes... There are many attractive and intelligent people, and they be advantaged in ways but not necessarily in others..There is always an element of "embarasment" for most people,( not all) particularly when it comes to attracting / being attracted to someone - and the prospect of intimacy... .
 
A

Abrilliantmind

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Oct 17, 2021
Messages
77
Location
London
Your name on here "Abrilliantmind" if referring to yourself? Implies you have a large degree of self confidence in ways.. But being knowledgeable/intelligent /good looking etc isn't always going to make a person succesful or appealing to the opposite sex, it takes other attributes... There are many attractive and intelligent people, and they be advantaged in ways but not necessarily in others..There is always an element of "embarasment" for most people,( not all) particularly when it comes to attracting / being attracted to someone - and the prospect of intimacy... .
Thanks for you opinion, and the name does refer to myself. However, I assure you I am not trying to be self centered :)
 
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