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I shouldn't post about abuse or my parents

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firemonkee57

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I shouldn't post about abuse or my parents. It stirs up stuff psychologically. Yesterday afternoon dreamt about a heated argument with my mum. Just now woke up shouting 'abuser' after a dream starting with my mum and ending with my dad.
The thing is I was never physically or sexually abused as a child( physically thumped a few times as young adult by my father ) and the emotional stuff thoughit could have been there, I also wonder if it reflects more aberrant thinking on my part as a process of becoming mentally ill in the way it's built up consciously,and subconsciously, in my mind.
 
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firemonkee57

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I don't think being part of a dysfunctional family, plus being bullied , helped my mental stability.
Though a part of me says my reactions to my parents were a product of my being mentally ill long before I received treatment and the bullying was a sign of my being mentally ill ,and just dragged it out full scale, .
I am ,as you can see, very mixed up about it all.

I have a picture of my mum smiling as she held me when I was a baby. Then I became the son she often described as having been an awkward baby/toddler/child/teenager/young adult/middle aged adult.
Something went wrong somewhere
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Hiya firemonkee, first of all it's great that you have that awareness. It's great that you're owning it and not acting the victim. I came from a dysfunctional upbringing and was bullied too.. Since coming into groups that work twelve step programmes it is slowly helping me come to terms with my past. Nice to meet you x
 

cpuusage

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i think family dynamics are deep & complex. i've tried to move away from blame. i think there were circumstances beyond the control of my mum, & wider social factors also played a part. There was elements of psychological & emotional un-healthiness in various ways, within all the dynamics, it was dysfunctional dynamics in ways, although i don't like the term.

i don't think it was just family dynamics that made me have the experiences i did - it was a whole constellation of factors.
 
*autumn*

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I very much agree with you actually. I would say my upbringing wasn't harmonious. I have fought a lot with myself. For a point of reference i will say dynamics.
 
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firemonkee57

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I have had times when the thought of banishing my parents from my life crossed my mind. The fact that there have been spells when they were ok, and the thought that if I cut off relations the chance of things getting better would evaporate, have always held me back.
I think perhaps it is easier when you realise, perhaps from an early age, that your parent(s) has/have no redeeming features.
Although not outwardly voiced I think both my parents saw me as the eldest child as a disappointment, and to a lesser extent my brother.
Neither of us got a foothold on the professional ladder ie big business/armed forces officer/doctor/lawyer/architect etc.
There were expectations of me to be the first of my family line to go to university and get a degree and I fell several hurdles short of the finishing line.
My sister of course,who is my father’s favourite and got a good professional foothold, didn’t fail.
She also gave him grandchildren which is another feather in her cap. Both my father and sister are possessed with a single minded, some might say selfish, sense of determination.
 

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