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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I should have grown up. Now I am 30 years old with no direction in life and no clear decisions.

V

Venn

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Philippines
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.

Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.

By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.

I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.

I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.

I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.

I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.

Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.

They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.

Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.

So I talked with my psychiatrist and told him about my symptoms. He told me that what I was experiencing was a panic attack which is why I am experiencing heartbreaks, palpitation of the heart, less sleep, loss of appetite, chills. He recommended that I be taking meds and observe for a few a month.

I have been taking the meds for 10 days now, but the heartbreak is still there.
I still feel all that anxiety, all that depression, all that pain and heartbreak, the chills and the sleepless nights. Everything is still there. Always painful, always reminding me of the eventual doom that I will face.

If you have no skills, you won’t get work, if you don’t work, you go hungry, and if you go hungry, you will die. A very long and painful death… all because you didn’t grow up and man up.

It makes me think, I wonder how I will die in this world? Will I die of hunger? Will I get myself euthanized at old age because I am useless? Or will it happen when eventually my parents are gone, I have no money, I will be homeless and eventually because of all of that despair, will die of sadness?

I don’t know. The pain is still there. I want it to end. I want it to stop. I need help. Somebody.
 
D

Deleted member 92692

Guest
All my life I was pampered by my mom and because of that, I have not a care in the world with problems. Basically from what I was when I was a teenager, this is the same mindset I have.

Since I was a kid and up until now, My mom does all the work at home. She does all the laundry, she's the one who cooks food, basically she does everything and it makes me feel guilty and useless. Up until now this is the case and I haven’t improved.

By this time I should have been helping with the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, cleaning the house and everything else housekeeping related. I should have learned how to do “manly” stuff like fixing the sink, changing a car tire, going on adventures, learned to overcome my fear of heights, etc. Instead, I stay at home all day doing nothing but playing games, not talking with people, or hiding when people come to our house.

I am a picky eater and eat mostly unhealthy food. I only eat soft or comfort food which in turn didn’t make me any leaner and more muscular. I have a body of that of a frail little boy. I don’t have strong hands, arms or legs, I can’t run that fast and sweat easily. This is because I don’t exercise and don’t have a healthy lifestyle.

I spent my whole life just playing video games, watching too much anime, movies, Netflix, I had no goals in life, no direction, not thinking about the future. Because of that, It took me very long to finish a single course which took me 8 years. Gaming, Anime and Movies became my life instead.

I am not a people person at all. I hide when visitors come to our house. And because I have made this a habit, I am awkward when trying to approach a person and ask questions. I always get bullied and can become the laughing stock of the group.

I was lucky enough to land a job related to my career which was an electrician and but it involved heights and my fear of heights wasn’t helping, it also required some muscle like carrying big things and doing troubleshooting things and like I said, I have a frail body so basically I was useless.

Since I suck at being an electrician, they placed me over to do admin stuff related paperworks at the same company. Again, I had difficulty because all of there are so many variables to work with and I kept doing wrong things. The manager got so mad at me and I had to get tutored so many times by the staff and they started to hate me.

They put up with me until the end of my contract and were relieved that I was finally gone and replaced with someone with actual skill and someone who had the muscle and the brain.

Then I went freelance. I was able to manage it because they are mostly small businesses, not a lot of variables and was thinking this could be a good career. Then COVID happened and the instability of freelance affected me. I lost a client and then I started to panic and worry that we won’t be having any money left.

So I talked with my psychiatrist and told him about my symptoms. He told me that what I was experiencing was a panic attack which is why I am experiencing heartbreaks, palpitation of the heart, less sleep, loss of appetite, chills. He recommended that I be taking meds and observe for a few a month.

I have been taking the meds for 10 days now, but the heartbreak is still there.
I still feel all that anxiety, all that depression, all that pain and heartbreak, the chills and the sleepless nights. Everything is still there. Always painful, always reminding me of the eventual doom that I will face.

If you have no skills, you won’t get work, if you don’t work, you go hungry, and if you go hungry, you will die. A very long and painful death… all because you didn’t grow up and man up.

It makes me think, I wonder how I will die in this world? Will I die of hunger? Will I get myself euthanized at old age because I am useless? Or will it happen when eventually my parents are gone, I have no money, I will be homeless and eventually because of all of that despair, will die of sadness?

I don’t know. The pain is still there. I want it to end. I want it to stop. I need help. Somebody.
Panic attacks are horrible to deal with, especially when they first present. Stick with your meds you will calm them down. As for the rest, Jeff Bezos, Elin Musk etc are now leaders in their field. They are not excatly dudes you would hire to plaster your walls, but they are doing there thing with their brains. The idea of "man up" means nothing. Brains win the race every time boy chin up 👍👍
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
It sounds like you were not encouraged to be independent. I can understand how difficult that must be. You have not been taking the medication for very long so try to hang on in there. It can take 6 weeks for medication to kick in.

I do not think you should feel pressure to not know how to do things that are considered manly. If we are not taught them then how would we know how to do such things?

I feel looking into the future is very difficult when we have struggles as it is overwhelming. Please try to take each day as it comes for now. Is it possible to have therapy? With therapy you may find it helps your self esteem and that can help you to feel more motivated in a job.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,531
Location
Sweden
The medication often have an effect after 4 to 6 weeks, so give it a time until it start to have an effect.

Right now, I’m living at home again but before when I moved out, I learned everything from scratch for example cleaning the sewer in the shower, washing clothes and also learned to improve my cooking. But it was a bit trial and error on my part, specially when it came to cooking. I also made a whole bash of clothes turn pink. You could say that I have also learned the manly stuff but there no dividing what is for women or men. It was just things I had to learn while not living at home and save money.

At least those are things you can learn later in life if you put down the energy and you shouldn’t feel like you haven’t done anything. I’m quite sure you have been able to learn a few things. Myself is quite a slow learner, don’t really like that side but it just means I need to put down more energy to understand things.

But you can always learn things from watching videos and reading. You will always learn new things in life.

So you don’t need to man up. I never understood the meaning behind it. It just make people feel less than what they truly are. The good sides you have can sometimes be hard to see.

Try to take one day at a time and don’t think too far into the future. I never think about the future and try to focus in the present. I can’t even plan a year ahead without putting too much pressure on myself.

I hope the medication will start to have it’s effect and help you to feel a little better. I understand having panic attacks are horrible to have :hug:
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
2,732
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
You've mentioned a lot of things there, and clearly have a very negative image of yourself. Can you make some small changes in your life that give you some sense of achievement and positivity. For instance, you mentioned you're weak and unfit. Could you maybe start to do a bit of exercise, which is proven to have an uplifting effect on the mind. It could also give you some goals and a sense that you're in control of something in your life. Find some physical activity that you enjoy. Possibly set yourself some challenges or goals within this. Example: Some years ago I decided to take up running. Never done it before, and had years of being physically inactive. I mean zero exercise. I set myself pace targets. Beating my 5k time, and I did improve. I felt good.
I say this because it's something that costs virtually nothing, you can do it any time, on your own, and the health benefits are immense. Plus you get that feel good factor.
 
T

treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
495
Location
Philippines
It is never too late for you to start over again. I am 44 years old and I think I am just beginning a meaningful life.

Music helps me. Music therapy or listening to good and uplifting songs on youtube makes me feel and think better.

Also doing what I love to do which is writing helps me too. What do you love to do? What are you good at? Is it cooking, baking, gardening, doing arts and crafts? Do it and it will make you happy and even be successful.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,917
Location
England
You can start now. Independence is an essential step in life as an amazing feeling. It took me too long also, but now I have, my whole everything has changed.

You are 30, the start of adult life

10 days is not long
2 weeks onwards and you should feel better
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,232
Location
nowhere
Tell yourself that today you're going to change things and start making small steps. Try doing some laundry. Watch some cooking videos and try cooking.
 
R

rawlinsc

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2020
Messages
784
Location
USA
I didnt move out until I was in my 30s. I didnt go to college until my late 20s and figure out what I was good at until then. I didnt do laundry regularly until I moved out into the supportive housing. Some people learn things later in life and there is nothing wrong with that.
 
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