i relapsed

[charmainee]

Hi all, I am new here as i really do need help. I have relapsed after doing so well. I have been fighting anorexia and bulemia for over three years now but i regretably relapsed... I stupidly decided to reconnect with my ex, he is going through a lot at the moment and i wanted to be there for him and try and help him through it.. but he has just basically thrown me under the bus and totally disregarded my feelings and emotions... so i binged and purged and i hate myself because of it... when i do it, i dont think or feel anything, i am just so oblivious to everything and i needed that escape; i should have been stronger but it took control... i am petrified of it happening again- where i cannot control my emotions nor state of mind... i am so ashamed i went back to that dark place... so please, if anyone can relate or has overcome these disorders, please help me get back on track!

 

[APOR2017]

Charmainee, I am sorry that you were mistreated and that you are dealing with this fear and guilt. I have been where you are, and you can gain control back. You made a wrong choice in order to cope, but it is not the end of your success. It is a bump in the road that you can conquer. This is all a part of healing and recovery. Remember how you feel right now when you are tempted in the future. You can learn a valuable lesson by who you associate with and allow to impact your heart and emotions through this experience. You have to love and value yourself before you can anyone else. You are always stronger than you think.
I have been where you are and I promise you are not stuck. It is a moment by moment journey and it is worth it to work towards freedom. You can do this!

 

[charmainee]

Thank you for your reply, I will, of course, take this on board. I know it is going to be a long journey - it already has been but i know and see i have made a considerable amount of progress so far so i just need to remember that if i can go from how and the way i was to the person i am today - i can keep pushing forward and eventually learn to live with my illness but not let it control me. It just takes time and people, like yourself, to make that possible. Thanks again.