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I really need help (long)

Bluebell Skye

Bluebell Skye

New member
Joined
Feb 19, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Swindon
Hi. I'm brand new to this. I've got anxiety and depression. Also until recently I was 3st overweight but joined a slimming group back in September and started to do really well. I've lost 2st 9lb since BUT now I'm relapsing.

You see, I eat when I'm sad or scared and these days I always seem to be one or the other. I want the bad food so much more than I want my own success. I have a lovely husband who tries so hard to support me when he's at home and a little girl who will soon start school. We had some issues recently with our rented home last month and while it's not the end of the world (yet), it set me back.

Medication doesn't seem to do anything for me. I just have to ride out the huge waves as they come. I really need someone who doesn't know me to talk to me. Because inside I'm actually screaming, roaring at the top of my inner voice for help... And no one can hear me. I feel the need to stuff myself and hurt myself. I wish I was dead because I'm so ashamed to be me. I don't want to be me. The girl who can hardly string a sentence together because of social anxiety, the girl who spends money she hasn't got on bad food to try and fill this endless void. I don't know if I should be posting here or somewhere else but food is where my mental health ends up showing itself.

I'm so sad and angry at how unjust people are to one another. I try really hard to be good to people no matter how they speak to me, no matter how frightened I am that they're looking at me thinking I'm fat, I'm ugly, why won't I go away? I feel like a huge failure of a mother and a wife. This is a ramble I know. I'm sorry. I feel so much pouring from me. I can't stop crying.

But I overeat when I feel like this. And now the feeling won't go away. I changed my life a lot last autumn, I managed to take steps to remove a lot of people who were really hurting me including people I was supposed to call family. I have always been a family outcast. By their own admission its not even from anything I've ever said or done. They just don't like me... Or the parent whose side it is. Punished for who I am. So I removed myself after falling apart desperate to be loved. Now it's back. And the urge to binge is overwhelming me. Please, please someone. Please help.
 
G

goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
562
Seems that you are hurting because you have alot of love. Maybe you could focus on the good times that you had with your family. If there was a way to channel your sensitive love, it would be good. What about a zumba class or a library book club or even I bible study or some spiritual group.
 
Schitzoaffective007

Schitzoaffective007

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 17, 2020
Messages
172
Location
Florida USA
You can either try and forgive your family and just enjoy them for who they are...or separate yourself from them. My mother was abusive and neglectful.. and I still stubbornly seek support from her. I've fallen out with the whole family before and seemed to be branded an outcast, but eventually everyone came around. It took a death in the family to bring everyone together somewhat. I still feel my family's love is conditional... conditional on my mental health being good. When it is not...they will kick me to the curb. Any inconvenience to them is intolerable...they have no patience...and I don't feel loved by them. They just have their own mental health issues and they can barely deal with themselves is the problem.

The Bible won't help you...nor will God. He's not involved in your life...only you..with the help of science.. have the power to change your situation as you see fit...and even then sometimes things don't go as planned.
 
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