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I really need advise. Thank you so much!

lizard56

lizard56

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
68
Location
California
Lately I’ve been dealing with severe anxiety. I haven’t had a panic attack in a few days but I feel this fear every day. There’s times in the day where I convince myself I’ll be ok but then it comes back. My boyfriend tells me I keep letting it get to me because I sit there and think about it instead of trying to keep my mind off of it. I feel I have to fight with myself to leave the house. I only leave to go to work and back home or to church. I’ve also been dealing with separation anxiety from my children. I only want to be with them since I find comfort in being with them. I have intrusive thoughts on and off and I try to tell myself that they’re only thoughts since I know better than to act on them. I don’t feel bad about my life. I have a good life so I don’t quite understand why I’m feeling the way that I am? I don’t feel worthless or like I have no point because I have 4 children whom mean the entire world to me so the fear of death has been crippling me. I’m so scared to one day lose it and do something dumb. How can I overcome this? I’ve tried Zoloft and Prozac but they gave me horrible side effects of Insomnia, my pupils were huge like I was on drugs and I felt super antsy all over my body. My psychiatrist prescribed .25mg of Xanax twice a day and she also prescribed Trazadone for sleep. Can anyone please give me some advice? I feel I am causing myself such stress and want reassurance that I’m not suicidal. I’m also always googling symptoms. Just hearing that word brings such fear to me.😭
 
D

Deleted member 97623

Guest
Not sure if my advice would be of much help, but you mentioned separation anxiety from being away from your children, and you also state that you have a good life but can't understand why you feel the way you do. Well, it could be that you don't feel in control of your life right now, or that you're losing control of things that aren't necessarily conscious to you--and your body and mind are then reacting to it.

You can try to back track on your life, and carefully scope out what you think may be causing you such distress, and pain. It can be any little thing--because sometimes little problems that we ignore, spiral into big problems that we may not be aware of.

Good luck.
 
S

skan3915

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2021
Messages
22
Location
Pennsylvania
lizard56 -- I responded to another post you made, which you saw and thanked me for.
I won't write that over again, just look at what I wrote about ACCEPTANCE, and try to apply it to this post, too.
I've been where you are. Googling, checking forums, seeking advice. There's nothing wrong with that, if done in moderation.
The third-to-last word of your most recent post is a key one -- FEAR. You also used the word SCARED. That's a pattern.
You are fearful/scared of your symptoms. Understandable.
Your road to recovery begins when you fully accept, and stop fighting, your symptoms. My advice is just let those symptoms take you over. And then do it again. And again.
Anxiety isn't a broken bone you can put a cast on be healed in six weeks. It's a tough grind. But recovery can happen -- I'm living proof.
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,433
Location
Scotland
Hi

There was a point in my life once where I experienced the most excruciating pain when I thought of me dying and leaving my 5 adult children on their own to cope. This was maybe 10 years ago or so. Just thinking about it now really I am recognising I would have started menopause at this time, so hormonal changes might have been a factor. I have 5 kids who are my everything and these days I have 5 grandchildren too.

I remember telling my GP about it. He queried if it was normal. I am pretty sure he prescribed Citalopram. Anyway you seem to be saying that you have thoughts of maybe acting on some intrusive thoughts you are experiencing? If so this would be suicidal ideation I am afraid. Now there is no need to panic xx It is just an indication that you are a little poorly at the moment. Possibly more so than you had realised. As for your boyfriend's views well I am sure he is trying to be helpful. The thoughts and the actual pain I experienced I could not control. I could control my action towards them and I sought medical input. You need to make your Psychiatrist or family doctor aware as soon as possible. I think it can be a shock first time this kind of thinking comes in.
Don't be afraid to seek help as you can soon be back on your way to a peaceful, happier place and mind xx
 
lizard56

lizard56

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
68
Location
California
Hi

There was a point in my life once where I experienced the most excruciating pain when I thought of me dying and leaving my 5 adult children on their own to cope. This was maybe 10 years ago or so. Just thinking about it now really I am recognising I would have started menopause at this time, so hormonal changes might have been a factor. I have 5 kids who are my everything and these days I have 5 grandchildren too.

I remember telling my GP about it. He queried if it was normal. I am pretty sure he prescribed Citalopram. Anyway you seem to be saying that you have thoughts of maybe acting on some intrusive thoughts you are experiencing? If so this would be suicidal ideation I am afraid. Now there is no need to panic xx It is just an indication that you are a little poorly at the moment. Possibly more so than you had realised. As for your boyfriend's views well I am sure he is trying to be helpful. The thoughts and the actual pain I experienced I could not control. I could control my action towards them and I sought medical input. You need to make your Psychiatrist or family doctor aware as soon as possible. I think it can be a shock first time this kind of thinking comes in.
Don't be afraid to seek help as you can soon be back on your way to a peaceful, happier place and mind xx
What I am afraid of is losing control and doing something I don’t want to do. I did speak with my psychiatrist about it and she made it seem like as long as I knew I was against it and didn’t want to do that since I’m afraid of it, meant that I only suffer from generalized anxiety? I’m so confused.
 
lizard56

lizard56

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
68
Location
California
lizard56 -- I responded to another post you made, which you saw and thanked me for.
I won't write that over again, just look at what I wrote about ACCEPTANCE, and try to apply it to this post, too.
I've been where you are. Googling, checking forums, seeking advice. There's nothing wrong with that, if done in moderation.
The third-to-last word of your most recent post is a key one -- FEAR. You also used the word SCARED. That's a pattern.
You are fearful/scared of your symptoms. Understandable.
Your road to recovery begins when you fully accept, and stop fighting, your symptoms. My advice is just let those symptoms take you over. And then do it again. And again.
Anxiety isn't a broken bone you can put a cast on be healed in six weeks. It's a tough grind. But recovery can happen -- I'm living proof.
How did you get better? I remember being good 7 years ago and suddenly this thing hit me again out of no where.
 
lizard56

lizard56

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
68
Location
California
Not sure if my advice would be of much help, but you mentioned separation anxiety from being away from your children, and you also state that you have a good life but can't understand why you feel the way you do. Well, it could be that you don't feel in control of your life right now, or that you're losing control of things that aren't necessarily conscious to you--and your body and mind are then reacting to it.

You can try to back track on your life, and carefully scope out what you think may be causing you such distress, and pain. It can be any little thing--because sometimes little problems that we ignore, spiral into big problems that we may not be aware of.

Good luck.
Thank you! I had my first appointment with my psychiatrist and she’s supposed to call me back sometime next week and I feel I need to talk to her about this. I really want all the help I can get to get back to normal.
 
S

skan3915

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2021
Messages
22
Location
Pennsylvania
lizard56 -- I'll try to answer your question.

1. Once it became clear I was ill (early-mid 2010) I started seeing a psychologist. He described me as having "garden variety" anxiety and depression. Learning that was helpful, but not right away.
2. My symptoms persisted, forcing me to see a psychiatrist about two months later. I did that with the idea that medication might be needed. The doctor said my GAD was "severe" and that medication was indeed a requirement for recovery.
3. I'm sure the medication helped the process of me levelling out, and that was important.
4. But I'm more sure the main reason I got better was that I finally realized, or ACCEPTED, my symptoms were just that. Symptoms.
5. I had many miserable days going forward, but I worked on worked on not fighting or fearing my symptoms. I just laid my guard down and let the symptoms mess me around while not worrying about them.
6. I constantly told myself -- "you feel awful and it's going to be a bad day, but that's the way it is."
7. Slowly, but surely, I wasn't in such a bad state. And one night, while driving home from work in 2011, I realized I my symptoms were gone. The awful dwelling I'd dealt with for about 15 months just went away. That was a quite a feeling.

"Getting hit again" happened to me, too. Though I attribute that more to weaning off medication too quickly, than succumbing to fear(s).
I'll leave it at this -- the best advice I can give to you is don't anticipate your symptoms. They'll be back. You know the bad penny analogy, I'm sure.
And when a symptom hits you, I would suggest letting it hit you hard. Shrug your shoulders if necessary. Your brain is in a state that it wants to you to fight, or react in fear.
Once you're able to accept and stop fighting, you can start the road to recovery.
Otherwise, I'm of the opinion that the best meds in the world won't help. They will help, a lot, if you work in concert with them.
Good luck.
 
lizard56

lizard56

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
68
Location
California
lizard56 -- I'll try to answer your question.

1. Once it became clear I was ill (early-mid 2010) I started seeing a psychologist. He described me as having "garden variety" anxiety and depression. Learning that was helpful, but not right away.
2. My symptoms persisted, forcing me to see a psychiatrist about two months later. I did that with the idea that medication might be needed. The doctor said my GAD was "severe" and that medication was indeed a requirement for recovery.
3. I'm sure the medication helped the process of me levelling out, and that was important.
4. But I'm more sure the main reason I got better was that I finally realized, or ACCEPTED, my symptoms were just that. Symptoms.
5. I had many miserable days going forward, but I worked on worked on not fighting or fearing my symptoms. I just laid my guard down and let the symptoms mess me around while not worrying about them.
6. I constantly told myself -- "you feel awful and it's going to be a bad day, but that's the way it is."
7. Slowly, but surely, I wasn't in such a bad state. And one night, while driving home from work in 2011, I realized I my symptoms were gone. The awful dwelling I'd dealt with for about 15 months just went away. That was a quite a feeling.

"Getting hit again" happened to me, too. Though I attribute that more to weaning off medication too quickly, than succumbing to fear(s).
I'll leave it at this -- the best advice I can give to you is don't anticipate your symptoms. They'll be back. You know the bad penny analogy, I'm sure.
And when a symptom hits you, I would suggest letting it hit you hard. Shrug your shoulders if necessary. Your brain is in a state that it wants to you to fight, or react in fear.
Once you're able to accept and stop fighting, you can start the road to recovery.
Otherwise, I'm of the opinion that the best meds in the world won't help. They will help, a lot, if you work in concert with them.
Good luck.
Thank you for being opened. I really appreciate it. How are you feeling these days? What meds were you on? And are you currently still on meds?
 
D

Debaura500

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 10, 2020
Messages
321
Location
London
I have anxiety and it culminates to intrusive thoughts it makes me feel like leaving the house barefoot in the middle of the night it's terrible thing to have
 
lizard56

lizard56

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
68
Location
California
I have anxiety and it culminates to intrusive thoughts it makes me feel like leaving the house barefoot in the middle of the night it's terrible thing to have
I’m sorry to hear that. I will pray for you and your health. Are you on any meds?
 
S

skan3915

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2021
Messages
22
Location
Pennsylvania
lizard56 -- Here are the answers to your questions.
1. I am not on medications today. I stayed on meds for several years after getting better, but only out of caution. I'm sure I could have stopped anytime and been fine the last 3-5 years. Sadly, my psychiatrist died in early 2020, so I decided at that time to just stop completely. I was taking one pill of citalopram per day for many years. I've not had any reason to return to meds.
2. I feel good today. I had two shocks to my system last week in the form of bad news -- one which really shook me to my core. I cried a lot about one event in particular. But I'm pleased to say that applied what I learned -- ACCEPTANCE -- and within 48 hours, I was feeling much better.
The one event that was so tough reminded me that fears and bad news lurk around every corner.
I bring that up because I think a lot of people, me included, look for the quick fix, or something that will give them instant relief from their symptoms.
An example would be coming on to this forum -- expressing problems / reading about others / etc. Being here can help take your mind off things, and help stop the dwelling.
That can be a good thing. But you have to sign off the forum eventually, and as soon as that happens, it's likely your damaged brain kicks back into anxiety mode. I've been there.
There's sense of disappointment and dread. It is at that point -- the reaction -- in which you have to train your brain properly to not over react.
I think I've done a good job of that. And I decided to join this forum to help people get to that point.
Good luck.
 
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