I really had no idea

[mittymouse]

Hello, I'm 18F. I was diagnosed BPD

I'm really tired for having this BPD. Sometimes I feel confident but on the next day I feel empty. And why I always feel scared that my bf would leave me even he already prove that he's not gonna leave me even I told him that I have BPD. I really hate my head. I can't go to the doctor anymore because of financial issues and my parent never care about mental health, they just think that mental issues arent exist. I really pushed everyone away but I dont want to be alone. I pushed them but I also blame them if they leave me. Like... What is wrong with me? And I really cant control my anger, even in front of my parent and still... they dont believe mental issues things. I feel useless and I really hate myself why am i being like this? I stopped self-harm since my left hand is full of scars, like i have no more place. Please help me, what methods that I can do to control my anger, stop overthink everything, stop being insecure. I cant go to the doctor because I dont have money. Just give me methods to calm myself everytime my stupid ass brain trying to kill me.

 

[dewey]

Hey.
Do they not have any doctor or mental health worker or therapist you can see for free in Indonesia?
You always have to pay to go the doctor?

I think it is quite hard to overcome things like self-harming without proper therapy, to be honest.

Your parents need to be educated on this matter. Have you tried explaining to them? They need to research it and they need to help you so you can get the right help.
Can't they say that you are ill?!

 

[mittymouse]

Hey.
Do they not have any doctor or mental health worker or therapist you can see for free in Indonesia?
You always have to pay to go the doctor?

I think it is quite hard to overcome things like self-harming without proper therapy, to be honest.

Your parents need to be educated on this matter. Have you tried explaining to them? They need to research it and they need to help you so you can get the right help.
Can't they say that you are ill?!

Well, I live in a small city not like Jakarta so its kinda hard to find a therapist that would do it for free. Even its so hard too to make an appointment to the paid doctor (especially during this pandemic) because maybe there is only 7-10 psychiatrist available in here :/ (Last doctor that I met was on the biggest hospital on this city, and you know what? That hospital only have that 1 psychiatrist lol)

I've tried to tell my parents about mental issues, but, still they always relate it to religion things.. like.. "this is because you did many sins, you better pray more blabla" theyre being stubborn and i stopped to explain because it just makes me more angry everytime theyre being denial.

But, do you have any advice or methods how to control my anger and stop blaming myself and everyone, and how to stop overthink? Maybe i'll go to the doctor on March, i have to save some money first.

 

[AAAAA]

Can you afford this book by the founder of DBT?

You can probably find it for less money on eBay. While I've been lucky to practice DBT for the last 21 years (with help) it might be able to guide you in working with your anger. That was a big issue for me, too.

Regarding "overthink"; I'm assuming it's similar to ruminating or obsessing. I use the conveyor belt in my mind. I put the issue in a box and sent it on the conveyor belt and put it on a shelf. Or I put up a red light in my mind. Or I think or say, "Stop, move on." These techniques aren't a one time thing. I can do it over and over and over. Then it may come back 15 mins. later and I have to do it again . These are just some of the techniques DBT teaches that have changed my life over the years.

 

[Nukelavee]

for many people with BPD, anger is a central trait, it is with me. It's like there is always anger there, looking for a reason or excuse to flare up.

I've found that teaching myself the difference between a reasonable anger, and the pointless irrational anger, was very useful. Like, somebody stealing from you would give you a reasonable anger -it makes sense, and is justified. but, getting angry because somebody else is having a good day, or doesn't say hello? That's unreasonable.

And then there is how it feels. Unreasonable anger, for me, has a powerful lifting feeling -like I'm riding a huge wave. It demands to be used on somebody, for something. And I feel justified acting on it.

And, in the end -it's almost always going too far. It leads to hurt and guilt.

So, learning to know that feeling of anger taking over is a huge step. Once you learn that, you can learn to not act until the feeling passes.

It takes time, but in the long run, it makes things better.