I really can't do this anymore

S

sagee_!912

Member
Joined
May 4, 2018
Messages
18
#1
I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I just don't know what else to do. I've been fighting very hard for a very long time and I cant do it anymore. Meds don't help therapy doesn't help crisis lines don't help, my depression and PTSD are getting worse and taking over my life. I've ruined everything for myself and I'm scared. I don't know what I'm hoping for by posting this, I just don't have anyone to go to. Everyone will just have me locked up, which I've been through before and it just made things worse. Everything hurts and I really don't want to live anymore, all I do anymore is cry and sleep, I can't get out of bed anymore and I almost failed out of school. I genuinely think nothing will ever get better and I can't find a reason to stay. I don't want to feel this way but I do. Please help.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Forum Guide
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,415
Location
Teesside
#2
Talking can help especially to strangers. Sometimes you can say things that you can't to someone that you know.

Have you thought about making a journal writing down your thoughts and then analysing them it might help to challenge those thoughts. I know it has helped me.

Lots of members here to help and support you.
Hugs
fox
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,594
Location
England
#4
Hi,
I know your struggling, suicide isn't the answer.
Please don't give up, I spent years in bed with depression.
I have improved, so it is possible.
What treatments and therapy have you tried? I hated being in hospital, it shocked me into changing my attitude.
I'm here to listen.
Take care
 
Seachad

Seachad

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2018
Messages
516
Location
Central Florida
#5
Well, it's fairly obvious that you're posting this because you really do want to stay, and you want to find help in staying.

I've been there. Obviously I can't diagnose and am not qualified to in the first place, but you say you have PTSD. So do I. So I know a little of what I'm talking about, here.

From what they tell me, when the PTSD hits bad -- I.e. when you're hurting and afraid -- really afraid -- your amygdala overrides your prefrontal cortex and shuts-down your ability to reason correctly. Kind of like a major brain cramp, only psychological, not physical. So, even though everything's actually just like it was five minutes ago, suddenly it seems as if everything's a major crisis, and it's all falling apart, and it's all going to be just like it was, before, and it's all happening again, and it's going to be bad again, just like it was before, or even worse....

Sound familiar? Thought so. Been there. Oh, dear gods, have I been there.

So. First things:

Maybe it is that bad, maybe it isn't. But the first order of business is to get out of the PTSD reaction. Because you can't really determine what the truth of the matter is (and what it isn't) until your amygdala's out of the driving seat and your prefrontal cortex is back in control (i.e. you can reason correctly again.) Yeah, making decisions may be a good idea, but not when your thinking is compromised. So start by doing things that make you have to think. Anything. Figure things out. Do sums. Figure something out. If nothing else, focus upon noticing the feel, color, smell, shape, &c, of various things around you, and then progress from there. The trick is to get your brain out of panic mode and back into thinking mode. You should be able to feel it, as your brain starts to switch back. Yes, you'll address the problem. You are addressing it -- the first step is to get your brain back under control.

Once you're thinking clearly again, and you're out of panic mode and your brain isn't screaming along at lightspeed, constantly telling you that everything's going to end horribly and that you should just take yourself out now, to avoid the Christmas rush and all the twisted and flaming wreckage at the end, then you can start to look at things objectively. In little bits. One piece at a time. Perhaps get someone to help you look at it who you trust to be objective, have insight, and be knowledgeable about either what resources and alternatives might be available, or who might be able to do some research and help you find them.

The other thing I'll tell you -- from experience -- is that it isn't so hopeless as it looks. I know it looks as if it's the end of the world right now. But it isn't. Granted, it's better not to fail out of school. But even if that happens, it's survivable. How do I know? Been there. Done that. And my family was definitely the "Come home with your shield or on it" type. Guess what? Came home without my shield. They survived. So did I. Managed to have a dammed decent life, too, even if it wasn't what they'd planned-out for me.

You can have a good life, too. This isn't the end. Just seems like it (and I know -- it's awfully convincing at present.)

Work at getting your brain out of panic mode. Get it back to thinking clearly again. Talk to people you can trust. Worst thing you can do, right now, is sit alone and uncommunicative. That just leads to chasing your tail around in circles right back into panic mode. You don't want to get locked up again? I don't blame you. So keep calm when you talk to them, and be rational. Tell them you don't want to be locked-up again, and why. Tell them you want to find an alternative to that, and that you're willing to work hard at whatever alternative(s) you can find that might look promising. Give them a reason not to lock you up. Don't just tell them "I don't want that." You'd be surprised how well that can work.

It isn't hopeless. It will require working at it, and being willing to fail and get up and try again. Then again, you don't really want to off yourself, and you don't like the way things are now. So...you got something better to do with the rest of your life?

Wishing you well.
 
S

sagee_!912

Member
Joined
May 4, 2018
Messages
18
#6
Sorry hun. :hug: Have you thought about e.c.t.? I think I may need it.
you mean electroconvulsive therapy?? I've thought about it and heard it really works but the thought kinda scares me haha
 
S

sagee_!912

Member
Joined
May 4, 2018
Messages
18
#7
Hi,
I know your struggling, suicide isn't the answer.
Please don't give up, I spent years in bed with depression.
I have improved, so it is possible.
What treatments and therapy have you tried? I hated being in hospital, it shocked me into changing my attitude.
I'm here to listen.
Take care
I've tried about four different medications up to the highest doses, as well as multiple therapists. I'm currently looking into TMS, kind of as a last resort so I reallyh really hope it helps. I've been in the hopital before as well, and it did kinda shock me into changing my lifestyle for a short time, but I soon became worse than before. I'm just very scared there's nothing I can do to help my situation. Thank you so much for your kind words:)
 
S

sagee_!912

Member
Joined
May 4, 2018
Messages
18
#8
Well, it's fairly obvious that you're posting this because you really do want to stay, and you want to find help in staying.

I've been there. Obviously I can't diagnose and am not qualified to in the first place, but you say you have PTSD. So do I. So I know a little of what I'm talking about, here.

From what they tell me, when the PTSD hits bad -- I.e. when you're hurting and afraid -- really afraid -- your amygdala overrides your prefrontal cortex and shuts-down your ability to reason correctly. Kind of like a major brain cramp, only psychological, not physical. So, even though everything's actually just like it was five minutes ago, suddenly it seems as if everything's a major crisis, and it's all falling apart, and it's all going to be just like it was, before, and it's all happening again, and it's going to be bad again, just like it was before, or even worse....

Sound familiar? Thought so. Been there. Oh, dear gods, have I been there.

So. First things:

Maybe it is that bad, maybe it isn't. But the first order of business is to get out of the PTSD reaction. Because you can't really determine what the truth of the matter is (and what it isn't) until your amygdala's out of the driving seat and your prefrontal cortex is back in control (i.e. you can reason correctly again.) Yeah, making decisions may be a good idea, but not when your thinking is compromised. So start by doing things that make you have to think. Anything. Figure things out. Do sums. Figure something out. If nothing else, focus upon noticing the feel, color, smell, shape, &c, of various things around you, and then progress from there. The trick is to get your brain out of panic mode and back into thinking mode. You should be able to feel it, as your brain starts to switch back. Yes, you'll address the problem. You are addressing it -- the first step is to get your brain back under control.

Once you're thinking clearly again, and you're out of panic mode and your brain isn't screaming along at lightspeed, constantly telling you that everything's going to end horribly and that you should just take yourself out now, to avoid the Christmas rush and all the twisted and flaming wreckage at the end, then you can start to look at things objectively. In little bits. One piece at a time. Perhaps get someone to help you look at it who you trust to be objective, have insight, and be knowledgeable about either what resources and alternatives might be available, or who might be able to do some research and help you find them.

The other thing I'll tell you -- from experience -- is that it isn't so hopeless as it looks. I know it looks as if it's the end of the world right now. But it isn't. Granted, it's better not to fail out of school. But even if that happens, it's survivable. How do I know? Been there. Done that. And my family was definitely the "Come home with your shield or on it" type. Guess what? Came home without my shield. They survived. So did I. Managed to have a dammed decent life, too, even if it wasn't what they'd planned-out for me.

You can have a good life, too. This isn't the end. Just seems like it (and I know -- it's awfully convincing at present.)

Work at getting your brain out of panic mode. Get it back to thinking clearly again. Talk to people you can trust. Worst thing you can do, right now, is sit alone and uncommunicative. That just leads to chasing your tail around in circles right back into panic mode. You don't want to get locked up again? I don't blame you. So keep calm when you talk to them, and be rational. Tell them you don't want to be locked-up again, and why. Tell them you want to find an alternative to that, and that you're willing to work hard at whatever alternative(s) you can find that might look promising. Give them a reason not to lock you up. Don't just tell them "I don't want that." You'd be surprised how well that can work.

It isn't hopeless. It will require working at it, and being willing to fail and get up and try again. Then again, you don't really want to off yourself, and you don't like the way things are now. So...you got something better to do with the rest of your life?

Wishing you well.
Firstly, wow I really appreciat this. Secondly, thank you for breaking it down to a science, I feel like it makes it easier to understand what is going on and helps me see my illogical state of panic in a logical, factual way. It makes it feel more controllable. I'll definately try the things you mentioned. One of my biggest issues, is i REALLY want and need to talk to trusted people when I feel like this, but I do worry about burdening them, I'm not sure how to get around that. Also I really appreciate your personal insight, I feel there is nothing more motivating than hearing that there are people who have been in my exact shoes who made it, so thank you thank you thank you for that:) I'm wishing you the best!
 
Seachad

Seachad

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2018
Messages
516
Location
Central Florida
#10
Firstly, wow I really appreciat this. Secondly, thank you for breaking it down to a science, I feel like it makes it easier to understand what is going on and helps me see my illogical state of panic in a logical, factual way. It makes it feel more controllable. I'll definately try the things you mentioned. One of my biggest issues, is i REALLY want and need to talk to trusted people when I feel like this, but I do worry about burdening them, I'm not sure how to get around that. Also I really appreciate your personal insight, I feel there is nothing more motivating than hearing that there are people who have been in my exact shoes who made it, so thank you thank you thank you for that:) I'm wishing you the best!
Glad you found it worth reading.

A couple of comments:

First, I know you worry about burdening them. But...if they're people you trust, you'd be glad to do the same for them, if the situation were reversed, no? Even if it meant it put a bit of a burden upon you, if it meant you were able to help them when they badly needed it?

Second: It's doable, but it isn't always easy. So don't get discouraged if you have to work at it, and it isn't so easy as it seems on your monitor screen. It does, however, get easier with practice. Once you get into the habit of recognizing when your brain's in 'panic mode,' and get into the habit of, basically, checking yourself, reining your brain in, and telling yourself "Okay, I have to start thinking rationally and getting my brain under control again...." It gets to be kind of second nature. Which is a good thing. Including the fact that you get into the habit of recognizing that the panic periods are finite, and then they start seeming kind of like patches of bad weather? "Ugh. This again. Okay, I know how to deal with this. Now it's just a matter of dealing with it and waiting until it passes. *Groan....*" It helps, really. And it does get easier with practice.
Finally (yeah, I suppose this is a three-part 'couple.') Everyone's experience is a little different. So my suggestions are just that. You'll have to find the method(s) that work best for you. But do try what I've suggested, and work from there? I've had really good success with it. And the most helpful part of it was understanding how the process worked, in my brain, and what was actually happening inside it, which let me put it all together and start handling everything.

Take care, and I'm really hoping things improve for you.
 
Last edited:

Similar threads