- Jul 27, 2020
Hi, I'm 29 weeks pregnant and feeling so desperate and depressed. All was going well until the build up to the 20 week scan. I felt a lot of pressure put on me by my partner to find the gender out, it was all he seemed to care about. Due to me not being able to lie flat for long because of anxiety attacks and the fetal movements they were unable to get all the required measurements yet alone sex the baby. I felt like I had let my partner down. He booked a private scan and we found out it was a boy, not a girl he so desperately wanted. This scan completely changed him, he says now that it scared him as made him realise the whole thing was now a reality, with this came a complete lack of support and coldness for about a month. I lay there one morning having an anxiety attack struggling to breath, with blood pouring out my nose and vomiting. He simply lay there looking at me with me begging him to help me. I went to the doctors to ask for help. I was 22 weeks so enquired into a late termination, adoption and help available. I found I couldn't go through with the termination. I was seen by the crisis team who referred me to the perinatal team. They have put me on medication and I see a councillor but my mood just won't lift. My partner now insists he wants the baby but I have lost so much trust in him and am waiting for him to freak out again at any time, I even doubt he will turn up when I go into labour. The whole situation has plummeted me into bad depression and anxiety and my mood just won't lift. I don't feel any maternal instincts towards the baby and desperately wish I wasn't pregnant. I did feel the best way forwards would be adoption, almost like a surrogacy so that the baby came out of me straight into the arms of his new, loving family however I know my partner would contest this and they wouldn't let me adopt the baby without speaking to him first. He's someone who prior to being with me has only ever known a life of drink and drugs so I fear he would go back to this lifestyle should be split and I wouldn't want this for the baby. At the end of the day it didn't ask to be made so it deserves to have the best done by it which I don't feel is with either him, me or collectively as a couple now very much on the rocks.