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I no longer care about anything?

D

Darby

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
159
I've promised myself that I wouldn't write out an essay so I'll try and keep this question shortish and simple.

I no longer care for anything, interactions with other people depresses me, it drains me. It's because everything is predictable to me. The past 12 months my entire mindset/view on life has been flipped upside down because of a very stressful 6 months at Navy basic training, during here is when my mental health was bad to start with but just got so much worser to the state I'm in now. Which is complete and utter emotionless, I'm unable to feel emotions anymore, everything is fake. I've just got this really awful way of looking at interactions and conversation and meaning of life in general.

The worse part is how permanent this feels, I feel I can no longer go back to the way I was which okay wasn't great anyway but at least I still had hobbies and interests, I prided myself with a personality and I had dreams and a imagination. I feel all that has been stripped from me, the only thing that keeps me going is hope that something will work out, something will happen, especially with places like this forum.

The annoying thing is I can't put into perspective what it is wrong with me. In the past I could say oh it's social anxiety/shyness/BDD or whatever. Now though, it just feels like its impossible to ever care about anything again, it's just a numbness, with very short bursts of hapiness if I'm completely distracted doing something when I have to have 100 per cent focus on something and I can't hear my thoughts.

I feel like a completely depressing hopeless bore, a nobody who nobody can ever get to know or love because it feels like I no longer have a personality, everything in my head is scripted now. Everything is predictable. Its this thinking pattern that came about after spending so long in 24/7 fear and my worse nightmare scenarios in the Navy and without being able to escape and get a breather. I came up with strategies to deal with anxiety and interaction, this led to MAJOR over-thinking which I feel has now left me with an extremely unhelpful thinking pattern, which is very automatic and depresses the hell out of me. I no longer find enjoyment in anything apart from the odd thing that might give me a short burst of enjoyment. Games, DVDs, the typical fun items I would do in my spare time in the past is stuff I just can't enjoy anymore. My thoughts strip any excitement and the ability to lose myself in a book or a story.

What is this? What can I do and what should I do? I just need some advice, anything!
 
Weven

Weven

Member
Joined
May 30, 2014
Messages
12
Location
Huntingdon
I know how you feel unfortunatly I can only be honest there is no quick fix you say your emotionless however I think the problem is your emotions they have no escape you have repressed them for what seems along time leading you to feel hopeless lost and dispair all very powerful emotions in them selves. I no it's a hard cycle to break but no your not alone in this there is always hope however bad it must seem. I would definatly go see your go or speak to your cpn if you have one I would say your extreamly depressed and need to break the cycle your in seek help from someone even a close friend to start if you have someone you can trust. Don't try to bottle it up that only makes it worse. I no it's easy to say this and it's very hard to reach out but just by posting you have taken a big step and I congratulate you for that. Try to get help from where ever you can it's a long road that many travel but were all hear to help and support you. No your not alone that's the worst part thinking that. I hope this finds you well and if you need to write an essay go for it get it out it can be a life saver some times
Lvll the best and hugs
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,534
Location
The West Country
It sounds like your brain is in shut-down mode due to the overwhelming stuff that might be going on underneath.

I can relate to your experience of finding it hard to care about things and just feeling numb.
I think the brain can only take so much anxiety before it just gives up and goes into "preservation mode", using as little energy as possible.

It sounds like you need to access what's underneath to get things "moving". It can be really painful, which is why the brain takes the easy option and just numbs out.

As I said, it's something that I very much relate to. I think allowing yourself to experience fear/anxiety/sadness for a while and getting it out - whether that's by writing or talking to someone you can trust - can be really helpful. x
 
D

Darby

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
159
thanks somer, means a lot
 
cboxpalace

cboxpalace

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 5, 2011
Messages
199
It could be depression, but it could also be related to your bpd. We can often shutoff our emotions. You sound somewhat like me. Take a look at and see if you relate to the detached protector mode. https://sites.google.com/site/cognitivetherapycenterofli/self-help-materials/borderline-personality-disorder


Signs and symptoms of the Detached Protector mode include depersonalization, emptiness, boredom, substance abuse, binging, self-mutilation, psychosomatic complaints, “blankness,” and robot-like compliance. Patients often switch into the Detached Protector mode when their feelings are stirred up in sessions in order to cut the feelings off. When patients are in the Detached Protector mode, the therapist's broad strategy is to help them experience emotions as they arise without blocking, reconnect to others, and express their needs.
It is important to realize that one mode can activate another mode. For example, a patient might express a need in the Abandoned Child mode, and then switch into the Punitive Parent mode to punish herself for expressing the need, then switch into the Detached Protector to escape the pain of the punishment.
 
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